How to quit?

What you really need is a way to talk to your father. Have you talked to your mother? Start with the more sympathetic parent.

Also, is there any compromise solution available, like cutting back on training, eating normally, and just racing to support your teammates? I agree that your current situation doesn't sound healthy and something needs to change.

Your same situation happened on our girls team back in HS. Our top female runner was an age group champion, coached by her dad. She won the state XC meet in 10th grade and 1mile state title in track. She was very talented but burned out by then. Her dad was a very vocal coach, even though he didn't coach her once she got to HS. She told him she needed a break and to see if her interest in running would come back. She basically retired from running at that point and was very happy as a Junior and Senior with no running.

I had a normal and fun senior year while competing so that’s an interesting not actually mutually exclusive thing you’ve created for yourself. You won’t be able to quit without making your dad feel a little bit sad, but if you stay, you’re prioritizing his feelings over your own which you should not do.

is it not possible to fall-back to the 'normal' workouts the other girls are doing as a compromise? Having success in a sport is useful for leveraging getting into a decent school/your next step. You may be able to 'coast' on your talent and tick all the boxes

Send your dad a link to your post, and ask what he thinks of it.

Is it the pressure you put on yourself to succeed, or is it the pressure your dad places on you that drives you to push so hard? Just curious, because you're probably still going to excel at running even if you back off the training and live the way you'd live to live, but continue to run for fun. Perhaps not first in the state, but even making the state meet or competing at sectionals with teammates can be fulfilling.

Certainly discuss your thoughts with someone you know and trust. Perhaps discussing options with a sports psychologist would be helpful.

First of all you should talk to your father if that is possible.

Second you should differentiate between training for your competitions and just running.

Since I never did track running in school I have no experience with that but I can imagine that all that training and responsibility could take the fun out of running.
I can only speak for myself. I am running for almost 40 years and I have fun because I set my goals for myself. Sometimes I had big goals and sometimes I had no goals at all. Just running.

Running is a great lifetime sport and I hope we don't lose you just because you think you have to fight all the time.

Best of luck!

This is tough. You should sit down with your dad and tell him that you want to quit the team. If he asks why, and you feel like you need to provide an explanation, then all you have to do is show him your post. BTW, it is perfectly acceptable to tell him, "I don't feel like I owe you an explanation." That is how Ms. Manners suggests responding to someone who browbeats you.

Now...do you hate running, or do you hate the pressure that you and others place on yourself? I can't tell by reading your post. If it's the latter, you don't have to give up running. You don't have to give up your involvement with the team. But it sounds like giving up your place on the team will solve a lot of the problems you describe.

This is a tough situation to be in.

As a parent who also coached his own kids, admittedly I was disappointed when they each decided they didn't want to keep running competitively (in HS and MS).

But I also understood that at some point with each of them, the enjoyment faded, or they wanted to do other things beside running. And that was OK with me. If you don't love it, running is a tough sport. For me it wasn't a big deal because I want them to do things that they love and not to please me. Hopefully your Dad will see it that way.

Some basic advice - just keep it simple, "Dad, I'm not enjoying running the way I used to. My heart is just not in it." If you want to, add something like "I really want to try doing X instead."

To help understand the parental side - I like running with my kids, so that was part of the disappointment for me. So if you're still inclined to run occasionally, you can offer that you'd still like to go for an easy run with him every once it a while.

I would also wait until after track season is over.

Good luck!

I think I understand what you're going through. When I was a kid, I loved playing sports with my friends. But I hated organized sports, because adults and their poorly run practices, pressures, and expectations ruined them for me. This is partly why I love running so much now, because I 100% determine when, where, why, how much and how fast or slow.

You're almost an adult. Being an adult means making tough decisions about directions to take in your life. The answer to your question of how you tell your father you're quitting, is to just tell him. It may be a very difficult thing to do. But it's not complicated. It's simple. You just tell him, "I'm quitting running." You don't have to try to persuade him to agree, because he won't, right? But you want to quit anyways, because you hate it.

So, you just tell him. Or, if it's easier, show him your post and when he's done reading it, tell him you wrote it.

That being said, I don't know your father. Some parents are extremely controlling, some are abusive. So, you have to decide if its best for you to phone in one more season with as little effort possible and deal with it hating it in the short term, to avoid the consequences of quitting now. Then quit when you're on your own. Or, if it's best to quit now and deal with his reaction. My guess is that your fear of his reaction is far worse than what it will actually be (most things in life are that way). But I don't know that for sure. So, it's your decision (and theirs until you're 18).

I'm also guessing your dad has no idea how much you hate it and how much you feel it's ruining your life. He probably thinks you love it, like he does. He probably loves that it's an activity you share and he may view it as a bonding activity between you and him. You might have told him you hate it, but he might just think you're complaining and don't really mean it. Some parents just can't let go of assuming their dreams for their children are the same as their children's dreams for themselves. But that doesn't mean you have to live them out.

Is it possible that if he truly knows how much you hate it, and how unhappy it's making you, that he'll see things differently, if he knows it's his dream, his enjoyment and not yours?

I don't know, but I do wish you good luck, regardless of which way you choose.

No, I haven't ever expressed how I feel about it yet, I used to absolutely LOVE it, and I've never indicated that that has changed, so I feel like it would be a shock. And yes, I suppose I could compromise, but I mean, I don't see the point of doing something at all if I don't enjoy it, especially since if I compromised I would then no longer be good at it, and that is the only reason I have not quit it yet, cuz it seems a waste to waste all that training and effort.

yes, it is obviously possible, and I'm sure it would be good for getting into a good school, but I just am not a person who can not give 110% at something and be happy with myself. Also, I just do not see the point of why I should make myself unhappy, even if it had some benefits.

oh gosh i could never lolll, he would be so so so shocked

i think it''s a mix of both, I'm the kind of person who always gives the maximum effort in everything, and if I do something, I want to be really good at it, but I mean he obviously pushes me to be my best as well. And I don't think I really would, I mean I've tried lowering the number of miles per week in the past and unfortunately whenever I've done that, I've just completely stopped any sort of progress. And yeah, I could probably just do it at a lower level, but it would really bother me that I am not only doing something I dislike but that I am also not achieving the results that I know I could if I did certain things.

yea, I should do it like that, I just want to find a way to introduce the idea of quitting slowly, so he has a chance to get used to it, just because he obviously has no clue.

I'm not sure if I hate running or the pressure, it's something I've thought a lot about the last couple months, and I honestly think it's the actual running. If I'm completely honest, I don't necessarily hate pressure, I usually perform a lot better under it, obviously it is a bit overwhelming, but I truly think that my problem is that I hate to actually run. Like to give you an example, I dread workouts, races, any sort of running, I find doing them torturous and I count down the minutes until they are over. But the thing that kind of stopped me from quitting is that after I finish a race/workout, I tell myself "see, that wasn't that bad, don't waste 10 years of effort, you'll regret it if you quit, and you'll never be able to get back to that level". This has made it really really hard to justify quitting, but I feel like it would make me happier overall, and I suppose I could always go back to running just for fun in a couple years if I see that I miss it.

yea, I suppose I could just tell him, he's not abusive or anything, he's actually a really good dad, I just don't want to make him disappointed, as running is a big part of our relationship. He also doesn't know how much I hate it, he thinks it's my favorite thing ever (it used to be), and yea I'm just scared to tell him.

also, I've considered doing it for one more year and then quitting, but I feel like it would be harder to tell him then, because we have always planned for me to run in college, and I feel like if I quit now (after this season obviously), it would be easier, and I also would be able to enjoy my summer. anyways, thanks for the advice :)

yeah, thank you for the advice, and yes I am definitely gonna wait until the track season is over, I just want to see how I can kind of introduce the idea now, since it is almost summer, and I want it to be over by then, and I don't want to second guess myself about the quitting, or have any results this season change my mind.

yea, its not a fun situation to be in, but aside from obviously having to tell my dad, I am also kind of scared that I will really regret it in a year or two, and that I will have wasted everything that I have worked so hard for.

yea, I think I would maybe want to try running for fun in the future (distant future haha), but at this point, I think it's the actual running that I hate unfortunately :(, but yea the pressure of competitions definitely did not help, it just made it more of a chore that had to be completed, and not something that I wanted to do to have fun.