I wasn't rehired as a track coach because of micro-aggressions against the non-binary

2/10

You quite literally refer to Tabitha as “her” through this post. Just call them whatever the f!ck they want to be called an move on. Perhaps the problem is you?

Sounds about right. My unwillingness to feed into others delusions is probably why I will never end up being a coach. Maybe start a non-school related coaching gig, maybe over the summer?

You isn't a gendered pronoun. They is third person. You is the 2nd person of they. Something not adding up.

adsfasdfadsfadsf wrote:

You isn't a gendered pronoun. They is third person. You is the 2nd person of they. Something not adding up.

That is what I was saying. The principal didn't see it that way,

School made the right call.

middlingNAIAcoach wrote:

You quite literally refer to Tabitha as “her” through this post. Just call them whatever the f!ck they want to be called an move on. Perhaps the problem is you?

Because in my old mind you refer to females as she. I'll admit that it took me awhile to use their, but I did. Using instead of you makes no sense..

Whonose wrote:

2/10

you are far too generous. this is a 1/10 at best. OP, you tried too hard making the mom in this case a "social justice coordinator." it's called subtlety dude

I work with many different people. I'm not going to try to cater to everybody's preference (especially when they're not using english appropriately) for many reasons. I just say "Hey how bout blah blah blah...." and it works for me. With kids, every generation has a different way to protest. Unfortunately, many parents support their child in their immaturity.

middlingNAIAcoach wrote:

You quite literally refer to Tabitha as “her” through this post. Just call them whatever the f!ck they want to be called an move on. Perhaps the problem is you?

nope

A starting point would be to admit to yourself that you handled the middle and latter portions of the situation poorly. Very poorly.

Here is how I interpret the situation:

In the beginning, you legitimately didn't understand that the athlete wanted "you" replaced with "they/them." I get it, that is not a natural substitution. When the athlete made that request, all you had to do was have a quiet conversation with them where you state that you want to honor their wishes, explain that it is not the most natural substitution so you might slip up occasionally, but that you will be trying because you do, in fact, care. That's clearly not what happened, as you kept using "you," and did so intentionally and against their stated wishes.

At this point, they rightly requested a conference with you and your superior. I work in a school system, and having a meeting with the student, parent, administrator and teacher/coach is designed to set things straight. It sounds like the principal did just that in the meeting - school policy is that students get to choose their pronouns, and staff are expected to use them. At this meeting, you should have expressed that you understood, but repeated that it is a bit of an unnatural substitution in terms of language, so you would be trying your best, but there might be the occasional slip-up. My guess is all parties would have been understanding if you had expressed this. However, you give no indication that you did anything along these lines.

After the meeting, the student, parent and administrator have every right to expect this to be a non-issue. Students that are going through something involving gender identity want to get their wishes out there, and then not be constantly confronted with the fact that it is different or controversial. Again, you did not observe or respect this. You chose to overtly needle the student on the issue of gender identity in a way that absolutely fits the definition of a microaggression. The only purpose of your comment was to draw attention (in a negative way) to the student's gender identity.

Now the principal is not renewing your role as an assistant coach, and who can blame them? They expect the adults they employ to be, at their core, caring and nurturing (you can still be tough on kids, but it should be clear their growth is the end-goal). You showed yourself to be callous at best and antagonistic at worst, and you did so in a way that caused them to have to do extra work. Case closed.

You need to get in contact with 420 miler, coach at a University in San Antonio. He and his school do not put up with this nonsense and they could use a good coach I'm sure.

0/10.

Boring, unimaginative, unoriginal.

Dr. Bob Bratton wrote:

Anyone have any suggestions??

Make up a better story, and don’t be a d!ck. Those are my two suggestions.

It's mindbogglingly that we have to be having this conversation. But it's the world we live in. When I encounter a situation like this, I like to find adaptations, solutions and work-arounds. Here's a solution that allows you to stay out of trouble, without having to concede anything. Don't use pronouns at all.

"Tabitha, please go to the long jump" and "Please go to the long jump" work just as good as "Tabitha, you/they need to go to the long jump." See? No traditional pronouns, no transgender pronouns. No pronouns at all.

If I'm struggling with someone's pronouns to remember them correctly, this is the method I use.

Whonose wrote:

2/10

Now that's a microaggression.

Dr. Bob Bratton wrote:

Later on I ask her "Tabitha if they are nonbinary, why do they only run the girls races?" Her mom complains I am humiliating the non-binary.

Well, you are kinda sorta are being a smart aSS with this remark and knowing that Tabitha and the crazy parent are sensitive on this topic there was no need to say it.

That being said I don't believe in nor agree with this non-binary nonsense and calling Tabitha "you" should be completely fine. I'm fortunate that I have yet to coach someone who chooses to identify as non-binary. Not entirely sure how I would handle that. I would just say "Tabitha" for everything.