People who got a divorce, why? Are you happier now or no?

Had a shotgun wedding and told myself I could hang till the child was 18, lasted three years and broke up.

Nothing worse then being married to someone you don't like.

The divorce was brutal and my adult son from that marriage in bitter and he has every right to be.

Today I've been married to the love of my life for 26 years with an incredible family.

I got married when I was 29 to this girl I worked with. Mistake No. 1

We only dated for a year before I popped the question. Mistake No. 2.

Immediately after the honeymoon ended, it's like a switch was flipped. She became an entirely different person. Moody all the time, picking at me for every little thing she thought I did wrong, verbally abusive, cuts off sex completely. She got really fat. She had bipolar depression and was an absolute nightmare to deal with. I eventually told her we were done and I moved out.

The marriage didn't even make it 3 years. We had no children. She had a boyfriend, another guy she worked with, just month or so after our divorce was final. LMAO!

It was absolutely worth it. No child support, no alimony and I got that crazy, mean, fake, selfish, materialistic woman out of my life for good. I found a beautiful woman a year after the divorce and we married four years later. She runs and treats me well and I'm so glad I ended my first marriage because I never would have met my current wife if I was still stuck in that horrible relationship.

My story is sad, actually. I had a wonderful marriage for 25 years. My (now ex) wife's family didn't like me and very much begrudged our kids' success. The the other grandkids were nonathletic and high school dropouts.

Mine- a scholarship runner and a math/computer whiz who got academic scholarships.

Her family was very vocal and united literally putting us down, calling us stupid and making light of every accomplishment my kids achieved.

I have to add the her siblings, although grown, relied on her parents for almost everything. I have a career and we did not rely on them at all (and THAT is why I think they hated me).

My wife wouldn't take our side. She insisted that she didn't want to make waves (by defending her husband and kids?).

Finally, our relationship deteriorated because of lack of trust and respect.

I'm happy but I DO miss the happiness we once had as a family. Sometimes I wish we had the family back, now that my kids are successful adults.

Yes. "Happier" now. Right from the process of d.i.y.-ing my own divorce to present day 25 yrs later. Didn't remarry but have been with a new partner for 20 years in a mutually (I think!:)) satisfying relationship lots of new family and on good terms with ex, Our tribe increased!

Stuff like this seems to be somewhat common, like maybe 5-10% of weddings... Still seems utterly bizarre to me. What is going on in these women's heads? Seems like literal insanity to me to fake who you are just to get married, slam the bottom door shut, and start being a giant pain in the arse to live with. You dodged such a bullet by not having kids with this woman. My god. I had something like this happen to me, but it was with a girl I only dated, and it was after 6 months of progressively getting more serious. Once she thought she had me, she became an entirely different person, as if she had been faking her personality up until then. She became one of the most rotten human beings I've ever known, but I had fallen in love by that point, and I was young and naive and didn't know wth was going on. Broke up with her another 6 months later, but it as so, so terrible. Cannot imagine anyone being married with children in a scenario like that.

I'm sorry, man. That's really awful. I wanted to reply to your post mainly for anyone who might read this. Whenever you marry someone, and especially when you have kids with that person, that person and the family you've created is supposed to be #1, not your family of origin. Your wife/husband is supposed to be the number 1 woman/man in your life, not either of your parents. If you're not ready for that, either you're not ready for marriage, or you're not marrying the right person. In the specific case above, it sounds like your wife simply didn't understand that, and it wouldn't have mattered who she had married.

Again, really sorry. Sounds like you guys could have benefitted from counseling from the get go. Would have helped you and especially her in seeing the dysfunctions of her family and how best to navigate it all. Life does go on though. Best wishes to you, man.

Well, she was super attractive. When you are young, you tend to overlook certain things that you think you can deal with later or you believe them to be "not that big of a deal". Early stages of the relationship are always fun and I think some people can fake who they really are, especially if you do not live with them.

In the case of your ex, I think that once a person show their true colors, that's when the relationship starts to decline. In the case of my ex, she was fairly manipulative to lock down that engagement, knowing that her "good behavior" was about to expire. She did not give a crap about me at all. It did not surprise me that she got re-married so fast, as she got her claws into her new guy quickly and locked him in.

There is pressure that some women (and men) feel to get into relationships, get married, have kids, get the McMansion, etc. They want attention, acceptance, and to feel normal. Not having these things sometimes forces them to look inward and they are often not happy with who they are. They use people to get what they want. Sadly, there are A LOT of people like this.

The true self will reveal itself in stressful situation. It won't be hidden under genuine stress.

Always observe your girlfriend closely in stressful situations to see how she reacts.

Married out of college 35 yrs ago (seems like 5) to a wonderful well grounded girl from same school. 4 great kids later still going strong. I feel bad for people who get in bad relationships. Marry someone who likes to do what you do and no matter what she wants to do you will always agree and enjoy what u r doing.

flyingfrog wrote:

Married out of college 35 yrs ago (seems like 5) to a wonderful well grounded girl from same school. 4 great kids later still going strong. I feel bad for people who get in bad relationships. Marry someone who likes to do what you do and no matter what she wants to do you will always agree and enjoy what u r doing.

I think a lot of us go into relationships with the best intentions, even if our interests don’t really align. I think if you’re a reasonable person you try to understand and be excepting of another’s traits.

It’s great to find someone who shares similar hobbies and interests, but out of that group of people how many are you truly compatible with? And even if you are compatible, how good are you at working as a team?

I’m so glad I’m not in the dating world anymore because I went through a ton of bad relationships and it was a major pain in the rear looking for someone to date just as it was getting dumped or dumping someone.

I’ve never been on a dating site but I can only imagine the level of hell and complexity that comes with that.

Going through a divorce now, not that well.

She's from Central Europe, but we met in the US. Two kids in the first five years of marriage, and years six, seven, and eight got really bad. Post-nuptial shutoff, and some of that in the earlier years for sure too. We stuck it out for another three years, living together but separate. I thought we'd make our way back, but the relationship settled into friends. Earlier problems I blame on the cultural differences, and her not working and the extreme imbalance that creates. Not having any family in state, and her unwillingness to ever hire a babysitter. We became parents together, but lost being a couple, and to balance her not working and allowing her some me time, we started parenting separately too. Had lots of things working against us.

She wanted a divorce and wanted to move back to Europe with our kids, and I let her, because I never said no to anything and always wanted her to be happy. I moved too, for the kids. It mostly sucks so far, incredible loneliness in a country the only person you know is your ex wife, her friends, and her family. Other language. Just living in Airbnbs.

Eating food I don't like every day. I've got a US day job, and so work nights to keep US hours, bought an online company with some of my money from our property sales and trying to get that going better too for the schedule flexibility it would afford.

I think she's sleeping with somebody else already, and it bothers me. I've slept with four people since we split, so I'm entirely being hypocritical and unfair.

I've had very depressing days, suicidal thoughts and everything, some recent, some over the past three years. Have not talked to a therapist, though have tried to seek one out and will continue to do so.

I was a really good dad before (and I think a good husband), and so struggle now with trying to still be that good dad in a foreign country while being personally unhappy.

Don't see how this is any better for anyone.

That is a sad story

You've either made that up, or you seriously deserve all that's happening to you.

If its serious, get back to the US and move on. This isn't good for anyone.

Personally I think you are making it up

I wish, all true.

I’d love to hear the ‘other’ side of all these.

1) ‘She got fat’ - Went from a size 0 to 2.

2) Post nuptial shut off - I have a tiny wiener and last for 2 min, so she’d rather play with the rabbit after I fall asleep at 8:30 so that I can get up for my 430 run.

3) ‘She always complains and nitpicks’ - Has the nerve to expect that I treat her somewhat like I did when I was pursuing her or actively interested in her. She resents me taking off for the weekend with my buddies to go to obscure road races in rural areas so I can pick up age-group hardware.

4) ‘Bi-Polar’ - Has normal mood affect and has a normal menstrual cycle because she’s not ammenorheic from pounding out 100 m weeks

llort_vbo wrote:

I’d love to hear the ‘other’ side of all these.

1) ‘She got fat’ - Went from a size 0 to 2.

2) Post nuptial shut off - I have a tiny wiener and last for 2 min, so she’d rather play with the rabbit after I fall asleep at 8:30 so that I can get up for my 430 run.

3) ‘She always complains and nitpicks’ - Has the nerve to expect that I treat her somewhat like I did when I was pursuing her or actively interested in her. She resents me taking off for the weekend with my buddies to go to obscure road races in rural areas so I can pick up age-group hardware.

4) ‘Bi-Polar’ - Has normal mood affect and has a normal menstrual cycle because she’s not ammenorheic from pounding out 100 m weeks

Oh sure, like woman aren’t all fukcing crazy.

Again, really sorry. Sounds like you guys could have benefitted from counseling from the get go. Would have helped you and especially her in seeing the dysfunctions of her family and how best to navigate it all. Life does go on though. Best wishes to you, man.

We tried counseling. The problem was- she wouldn't budge claiming that she did nothing wrong.

5 years later- we get along well but she's in complete denial. She's actually telling people that I cheated on her and that's why the marriage ended.

That's not true- I didn't date any woman until after she moved out and didn't even kiss another woman until the divorce was final.

I DID go running with a woman going through a similar circumstance- that was my "cheating".

Thanks for the reply. You got it right- both sides have to be willing to give and your "new" family should be number one.

She forgets that early in our marriage my brother treated her like dirt- no reason, he was just a jerk.

I told my father to take care of it or I would cut off me, my wife and our kids from the family.

He complied and my brother changed. But I put my family with her first.

She failed to do the same.

Young people are stupid and make poor decisions.

They should raise the minimum voting age to 30.

llort_vbo wrote:

I’d love to hear the ‘other’ side of all these.

1) ‘She got fat’ - Went from a size 0 to 2.

2) Post nuptial shut off - I have a tiny wiener and last for 2 min, so she’d rather play with the rabbit after I fall asleep at 8:30 so that I can get up for my 430 run.

3) ‘She always complains and nitpicks’ - Has the nerve to expect that I treat her somewhat like I did when I was pursuing her or actively interested in her. She resents me taking off for the weekend with my buddies to go to obscure road races in rural areas so I can pick up age-group hardware.

4) ‘Bi-Polar’ - Has normal mood affect and has a normal menstrual cycle because she’s not ammenorheic from pounding out 100 m weeks

It seems like you are addressing me. So, I'll have fun and answer.

1. She went from a size 4 to a 11. Not good if you are 5-2.

2. I lasted long and women have complained about my size being too big. Whatever. It doesn't matter because she really didn't care about sex anyways, at least after the ring went on her finger. She would tell me to "hurry up" during sex. Does this sound healthy to you? This sounds like a woman who doesn't like her husband.

3. I was pretty much the same person before the marriage and during it. Not sure why she had to change. Most guys just want to keep things even keel and relaxed and not make life complicated. We didn't have any kids so it's not like we had some external factors that were challenging to deal with as a couple. If curious, I ran approximately 4 races per year in our town. I know married guys who leave on Saturday mornings and golf for 5-6 hours with friends. Let's hope her new husband doesn't have any other hobbies that would keep him out of the house for more than an hour.

4. If you call a mix of Strattera, Lamictal, and Lexapro stuff people take for "normal mood affect", I'm genuinely curious what you consider abnormal. Look, I tried to be supportive. But eventually you cut your losses after being insulted on a weekly basis.

I'm remarried now. My wife has none of these insane behaviors and is the complete opposite of my ex-wife. I'm the same guy and (even run more races) and we've been happily married for 8 years. Some people are terrible and it's my fault for choosing poorly the first time around.