Why on earth are some people still having kids now?

First off, a planned pregnancy has never happened, ever.

Zing.

Anyways, some people want kids, others don’t. Whose to say one is right and one is wrong?

I have 2 kids and one on the way. I am 36 now but had my first when I was 32. Neither myself nor any of the people in my social circle have the same mindset that you do. Yes kids cost money and take time and there are always things to be worried about in the future but these things are all workable if you prioritize effectively. I will say many of my closest make friends growing up delayed having their first child until 35 or so largely because they were still getting established in their careers.

Sounds like being a parent isn't really something you are interested in. That is a fine decision to make but don't let your narrow worldview assume that everyone else is having kids by accident.

Kids are super expensive, so is having a girlfriend/wife. Which is why I have neither.

You’re right, and it’s destined to get progressively worse as smarter people elect not to have kids, leaving the imbeciles to populate the planet.

30 year old guy wrote:

Finances - how the hell do you afford kids? I'm making more ($75K/year) than most people my age, and I feel like I'm barely scraping by in a moderate cost of living area. My laptop is 10 years old, my car has 150,000 miles on it, my house is less than 1100 square feet, and my retirement savings is close to nonexistent

If all of this is true, then you’re really screwing up somehow.

Either:

1. Where does all of your money go?

Or

2. You have a major misunderstanding about at least one detail in there.

I hadn’t even thought about that but you are spot on. And it’s depressing to think about.

dude i make about 5000 less than you and am doing just fine for myself. do you have huge student loan payments or something? are you underselling this "moderate cost of living" thing? i think you're either actually in a very expensive city, have crippling debt, or you're not telling us something because based on what you've written you seem pretty frugal and should have plenty of money.

ANYWAY...people continue having kids because what's the alternative? watch everyone else around you age and eventually die? what does you or other doomers in their 30s not reproducing actually accomplish? we don't have a population problem - we have a CONSUMPTION problem. these decisions are being made far above our heads and you'll be a lot happier if you can accept that you just need to live your life in a way that makes you happy whether that involves having a kid or not.

believe me, i'm politically far left and pretty much a doomer on the climate issue. but i'm not gonna just live out my years in some monastic existence thinking about all the cool human experiences i'll never get to have because exxon mobil keeps pumping oil. people in bangladesh are going to get absolutely destroyed by rising sea levels and such one day but guess what? they're still having kids because that's what people generally do. this whole "anti-natalism" thing is such a weird western artifact and it needs to go away. pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the soul (or something like that).

my wife and i have our first kid arriving this summer and we're pumped about it. we had to try for 10 months. starting a family is exciting and i hope you get to experience it someday if that's what you want to do.

Great question.

I just asked that myself and I found out that somebody I know had a second kid.

Climate crisis, the US close before ending Democracy, housing crisis and we haven't talked about costs for the kid yet.

Pre school, school, college, that are a couple hundred thousand right there.

It's not about mindsets or wants, it's about whether you have the resources for them.

Look, I also want a penguin. They're cute, and they won't threaten you like a lion will. But legality aside, I wouldn't get a pet penguin because I know that I don't have the time, money, energy, and space to provide for one.

Having kids is what people do. It's kind of why we're here. It's always been expensive and time consuming though in the days when families could live on one income the time consumption mostly fell on one parent. But most people manage to do it now even with two workers in the family. The question I'd ask is what are you doing with your time? Looks like an eight hour work day with, estimating here, another couple hours at most on commuting and running.

It seems like you understand perfectly well. Life is drudgery and the world is a horrible place. Having children can provide some small sense of purpose to an otherwise miserable, futile existence.

One can always make excuses not to have kids. When I'm making more money, when we have a bigger house, when we have more time, etc. I had the same thoughts way back. But once you and your wife have a child, you just seem to make it work out. It never seems like the right time, but actually any time can be the right time.

As far as specifically now, what better time than when we're still mostly working from home and don't have to spent time commuting.

1) People your age are having kids because that's the age they have them. They want them.

2) Kids are expensive, but affording them is easily done if you make a budget and stick to it.

3) If you are a single guy living in a moderate cost of living area and making $75,000 and you are just scraping by, then you aren't doing something right. Either: you are wrong about how moderate the area is, or you spend too much on food or something else, or you are married and your spouse is spending too much, or you are investing more than you can handle (which doesn't seem like the case)...something. How much is your mortgage?

4) At no time in my 55-year-old life has everyone agreed that NOW is a great time to bring kids into the world. The world is a scary place and always has been. Obviously we need more people so that humans can continue. Either you feel like you can produce and then raise valuable society members or you don't.

5) Time and energy - That's just a personal decision there. If you feel like you don't have the time or the energy, then maybe you don't want/need children. It's just a priority. People who want children find the time. People who aren't energetic and want children do something about that..exercise, eat better, sleep better.

6) I knew from an early age that I wanted to be a father. I made it happen in the way that I envisioned...went to college, got married, got a good job, had children. That is not for everyone. Sounds like it's not for you. Don't be incredulous though about others who want to do it and make it happen...it is clearly possible and on less money than you make too.

B0NER wrote:

30 year old guy wrote:

Finances - how the hell do you afford kids? I'm making more ($75K/year) than most people my age, and I feel like I'm barely scraping by in a moderate cost of living area. My laptop is 10 years old, my car has 150,000 miles on it, my house is less than 1100 square feet, and my retirement savings is close to nonexistent

If all of this is true, then you’re really screwing up somehow.

Either:

1. Where does all of your money go?

Or

2. You have a major misunderstanding about at least one detail in there.

+1. The same goes for his time management skills. I could understand if he were working 60 hrs/wk, running 100mpw, or spending a few hrs/day for commuting.

I had my kids @ 10 years ago. Not so sure I would make the same decision today. 10 years ago it seemed like there was time to deal with global warming and the worst of all the war on terror stuff was starting to wind down with a withdrawal from Iraq. Now, there is an iceberg the size of Florida that is about to calve off and cause a few feet of sea level rise. It is in the 60s in Alaska in December, breaking records by 20 degrees. COVID looks to be permanent. The US, Russia and China are all working towards terminal nuclear war over stupid stuff like who gets to control sections of Ukraine that are filled with neo-Nazis, uninhabited islands off Japan and remote shipping channels in the South China Sea. And a plurality of Americans believe any BS that they are fed by right wing media/social media and want to have a civil war over CRT and trans athletes. And there is no way I could afford the house I live in today. I would have to buy something way out in the burbs and spend almost two hours a day commuting to work (which many people would consider pretty good for my area).

On the front end, kids are not that expensive. When you have a baby, everyone buys you stuff you need for the baby and anything else you need you can get for cheap second hand. They stay pretty cheap through about early middle school. That is when they want to go to overnight camp in the summer and will get more serious about sports and other activities. They also start wasting all their allowance on Robux and other gamer BS. If you are lucky, they will get jobs in high school and pull some weight with expenses like getting a car. College is so expensive now that it is a better idea to make your kids take out loans instead of saving so they can get better fin aid and then help them with their loans when the graduate.

CarlyRaeJepsensMalort wrote:

dude i make about 5000 less than you and am doing just fine for myself. do you have huge student loan payments or something? are you underselling this "moderate cost of living" thing? i think you're either actually in a very expensive city, have crippling debt, or you're not telling us something because based on what you've written you seem pretty frugal and should have plenty of money.

Nope, I never took out a single student loan. Scholarships, financial aid, work-study, internships, and a bit of help from my parents meant that I had zero debts on graduation day.

And yeah, I'm pretty frugal. I used my high school flip phone until 2015, and if you add up my lifetime spending on booze, coffee, weed, and gambling, I seriously doubt it would be more than $500.

I guess the part I left out was that I'm paying additional principal on my mortgage each month, as I value financial freedom and absolutely hate owing anyone anything. I also didn't earn $75K straight out of college, my salary the year after I graduated was just a bit over $50K. But I hit $70K by 2018 and should be getting close to $80K this year.

inb4 flagpole chimes in telling you you're throwing that money away. something something you could get a better return in the market, etc. also how much extra are we talking? unless it's like multiple thousands i still am not seeing how the math adds up.

re: Precious Roy, the point i was trying to make is that having kids in a period of peace and plenty is the exception that occurred from 1945 to 2008. the norm is chaos and uncertainty. i do hear what you're saying about housing costs, but also people used to raise 7 kids in 1 bedroom apartments in NYC and that was pretty normal. humans are adaptable. most people that don't have the luxury to sit around ruminating on this all day just have kids even though their housing and finances aren't ideal. my wife and i were somewhat guilty of that and looking back we agree we probably should have started trying sooner even though things weren't as stable as they are now.

If you really want something you can figure out how to make it work. A lot of of parenting is learning that sometimes you need to just wing it. You have to give up some of the control you had over your life before.

Are you married or in a long-term relationship? Doesn't that make demands on your time? If you are not in a relationship with someone who wants kids it's probably not something you need to worry about right now anyway.

CarlyRaeJepsensMalort wrote:

inb4 flagpole chimes in telling you you're throwing that money away. something something you could get a better return in the market, etc. also how much extra are we talking? unless it's like multiple thousands i still am not seeing how the math adds up.

Quite a bit. I should have my house paid off within three years if nothing drastic changes.