In love with a (unhappily) married woman who is also in love with me... Would like some input.

Use a condom.

Every time.

A problem with no clean solution.

You should give it more time. If you still have an otherworldly connection in a couple years, maybe it's worth her getting divorced.

But only a year seems like a very short time to destroy a family.

It's unclear to me whether you guys are still at the talking and hanging out stage or in full blown infidelity territory.

If youve already banged her, congrats. You won. Now quit while youre ahead. Look for a nice woman without a husband and without kids.

Forget her. There's no clean way to have a relationship with her. If you pry her away from her husband she comes with massive baggage. Even worse, you'd have a cheater on your hands and she'd be your problem now.

And as always:

"play stupid games, win stupid prizes".

You got to enjoy the best part of her. But do you want the rest too: be the new husband and a stepdad and also deal with an ex-husband?

How old are the kids? Would you be a stepdad?

She needs to make a decision - being caught having an affair and being blamed for the breakup of her marriage would change her relationship with the kids.

Do you think she won’t also cheat on you when the novelty wanes?

Maybe her husband would gladly say “good riddance” then you’d have a real problem on your hands! Sounds like you’ve never been in a real relationship. Anyone that has knows the “otherworldly” connection is temporary and when that’s done you have to deal with the situation daily. I would also bet she used to have an amazing relationship with her husband, their family decided to go all in on his career and it’s taking a toll on the marriage. Stop all this nonsense immediately, go no contact with her, and continue to work on yourself because you need a lot of help if you came here posting this crap.

Regardless of what happens to you is time for her to leave the marriage.

If you treat the kids with kindness in divorce it will be fine. People are too dramatic at keeping the standard family which obviously has major drawbacks.

First, try to imagine that you're in her husband's shoes. How would you feel about the situation you've presented?

Next, try to imagine that you're in her children's shoes. How would you feel about the situation you've presented? Cheating, divorce, and remarriage tend to cause havoc, sometimes lifelong havoc, on children.

Finally, think deeply about whether you're getting the full story from your paramour about her husband. Has she really tried EVERYTHING to save the marriage? Again, it's not just about you, her, and her husband. You have to think about the children.

If she leaves her husband marries you, eventually she's going to cheat on you too.

Walter H wrote:What about the kids and the effects of a divorce? I've heard some people say divorce can ultimately be a good thing for the kids if the parents are genuinely unhappy together, but I think that really depends on the marriage... Thoughts?

Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together.. so you never know

She needs to file for divorce. It's not fair to anyone else in her life, including you. If she can't commit to a divorce, then you need to break it off.

Don't do it. Walk away. you have no idea what kind of potential damage you will do to your kids. Also, even Dr. Phil says this, these things rarely ever work out.

Yeah, it’s not cool for either of you despite her unhappy marriage. If it’s really love, she should get divorced. Better for the kids than living in a home with a bad marriage.

As far as it goes for you, listen to the wise words from Ginuwine: “You’re telling me it’s different, But what the hell is different? If cheated on him you’ll do it to me.”

Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry…