What percentage of men cheat on their wife or girlfriend?

Honest reply, here. All women cheat as well. Anytime you get your "needs met" by your "support network" you've just cheated. You did the same thing that a man did, you just got different needs met. When you look at it in terms of simply getting needs met maybe you'll drop the stigma. Hope that helps and what's your 5k PR?

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

This is a tough one, but I think this is the answer.

A really confident, self-assured guy who is confident and self-assured for the right reasons and under 50 will cheat if there is a reasonable chance of getting away with it just because sex is fun and you'll forgive him but if you don't it doesn't matter because he has reasons to be confident and self-assured.

Same guy, over 50 and in love with you? He may be recalculating and recalibrating. He might be OK and free from FOMO.

The opposite guy to the man above will cheat always and forever because the fact that others feel he has value is the only way he feels valuable. He will jump on anything that will allow him to mount...unless he thinks he'll get caught... which is not the reason you want him to be faithful. You probably are not attracted to him anyway.

So, who's the guy for you? Maybe a guy who was brought up with values... maybe somewhat religious... a guy who has always felt loved by his family and didn't need to go looking for love outside the family just to feel accepted. Yeah, a strong family background. If he needs you to "fill his cup," stay away. You want a guy with a full cup of love, and you make it "overfloweth."

Also, and this may sound silly, but a guy who honors contracts... definitely not a guy who has declared bankruptcy, would think nothing of breaking a lease... wants his student loans "forgiven." You know what I mean, right? Like a guy who is always trying to get away with something... he's always got a reason why it's OK to cheat a little on this and fudge a little on that...cuz... I mean... who'll know? Everybody does it. If he'll cheat on the small stuff...

BTW, this is coming from a serial cheater who never got caught. Yeah, I have minor some "conscience" issues, but if I hadn't done what I wanted to do, I would have minor "woulda-shoulda-coulda" issues.

Anyway, there are guys who'd rather die than go back on their word. One of them is the guy for you.

If you don't have faith in your partner (belief in the absence of proof), you're never going to be happy. Work on yourself in the meantime and don't screen potential partners with arbitrary standards that inform nothing in regards to your fears.

Weird screen name…

Anyway, I’m no expert in this as my wife is the only person I have ever been with, but basically I knew from the moment I met her that I could never be with anyone else. We have a true and unbreakable love.

Maybe look for that? If you find someone who you will love for the rest of your life and they will do the same for you, there will be no cheating.

If you’re looking for “dating” or “a boyfriend,” then sorry, you’re going to deal with a lot of cheating guys.

1. A loser. A non predator. Glorifies non traditional thing like philosophy or the stars where base tendencies died.

2. A man who was previously truly broken by the girl he loves. Obviously, he'd have to been scared narrow forever and not disposal.

3. Really in previous examples, sex lust whatever cheap thrill just drop so low off the list they aren't pursued.

So, they into other things. Which makes them hella boring. Virtuous maybe. But female attentive no too.

* I know this sucks. But, if he loves u and vice versa and he's not emotionally cheating. Let it go. I've seen occasional physical blanks. It doesn't matter to the guy. We are fallen creatures programmed to seek. I'm sry.

Ive seen guys that don't cheat but emotionally let's say love their work spouse. Or have gym love. U don't know it but that is way way worse. Serial is what u really want to avoid.

America's fury wrote:

If you don't have faith in your partner (belief in the absence of proof), you're never going to be happy. Work on yourself in the meantime and don't screen potential partners with arbitrary standards that inform nothing in regards to your fears.

In terms of happiness, it is a lot better to strive for the best, but accept the fact people are fallible.

Faith is for people unable, or unwilling, to know better. It is a bad substitute for a sincere effort to understand reality. In terms of cheating, it is certainly OK to not investigate reality too closely in the situation, but accept the bigger reality this does happen. This does not mean that STD checks and DNA checks are inappropriate.

Thanks for your responses. 18:4x. Screen name is because of what prompted some of the conversation last night and this thread. Someone I knew for many years is getting a divorce after cheating on his wife/mother of his children....it didn't surprise me....knew he was unhappy and figured he was someone who would probably hire call girls when he traveled for business....but I was still disappointed when I found out the affair had been going on for several years and that he told his wife "for religious reasons," even though he's more of a go through the motions kind of religious (why tell her something so hurtful -- you've already been lying to everyone for years -- get the divorce and keep a steady rotation of all the girlfriends you want)…mistress is also age inappropriate for him and being led on (I asked him if she's only been seeing him....he said he thinks so...I told him if that's the case, she thinks he's going to marry her...he said she might think so, but it's not happening. Her doing and her problem, but he's still using her/wasting her time). It's time for me to start settling down myself and find a life partner. I'm looking for permanence, emotional closeness, mutual support, and depth (ie, things that aren't exactly part of the current cultural norms). I'd like to keep the process relatively drama-free. Thanks again.

As someone who was married for over two decades until the "death do us part" part of the vow came into play, I'd say "respect" and "self-control" are big factors. Love goes so far, but there are also more general traits involved like honor and commitment. As far as I know, neither of us actually cheated, although there may have been opportunity or temptation. But those things can be overcome by understanding that doing the right thing is best, and I don't mean that the "right thing" is what makes you feel good. I think there is something to be said in the previous post stating:

"This may sound silly, but a guy who honors contracts... definitely not a guy who has declared bankruptcy, would think nothing of breaking a lease... wants his student loans "forgiven." You know what I mean, right? Like a guy who is always trying to get away with something... he's always got a reason why it's OK to cheat a little on this and fudge a little on that...cuz... I mean... who'll know? Everybody does it. If he'll cheat on the small stuff..."

This description goes to "character". How does the person treat others?

A LOT of men cheat. ALL do not. I have been married 32 years, and I have not cheated.

I am likely in the minority there, but I am hardly alone. And before anyone says no one would want to cheat with me, ha! I've been seriously propositioned several times since being married, and I always wear my wedding ring, so they all knew...a couple of them knew me well, so they knew for sure I was married.

Now, I have no idea how you go about finding one like me. Most men will make you believe they will not cheat. How you determine who is full of it or not, I do not know. I suggest too that being faithful might be the goal, but when put in the right circumstance many men will cave.

Interesting discussion. Unfortunately, I think the OP will turn lesbian after what I have to say. Look at all the most rich and powerful men in the world, they all prolifically cheat and/or pedophiles:

Bill Gates: An international pedophile with Epstein and also cheats constantly with women when married to Melinda for decades

Bill Clinton: Cheated on Hilary with Monica Lewinsky and likely others, also a pedophile with Epstein

Jeff Bezos: Cheated on wife so many times with constant rotation of hookers

Elon Musk: Divorced twice now, cheated on first wife with the second, likely cheated on the second wife with a third or fourth or fifth

Lol at "all men cheat", you've got a social circle that's pure trash if you believe that. That's like hanging out with a bunch of drug addicts and then thinking "all men use meth" or "all men are addicted to opiates".

I don't know a single person in real life who's ever had infidelity in any of their relationships, and I'm old enough that half my friends are divorced and remarried. Real life isn't a TV drama.

arpy wrote:

America's fury wrote:

If you don't have faith in your partner (belief in the absence of proof), you're never going to be happy. Work on yourself in the meantime and don't screen potential partners with arbitrary standards that inform nothing in regards to your fears.

In terms of happiness, it is a lot better to strive for the best, but accept the fact people are fallible.

Faith is for people unable, or unwilling, to know better. It is a bad substitute for a sincere effort to understand reality. In terms of cheating, it is certainly OK to not investigate reality too closely in the situation, but accept the bigger reality this does happen. This does not mean that STD checks and DNA checks are inappropriate.

absolutely 100% truth.

Regarding the OP username, it's a reference to the rule of dating persons younger than oneself: take half your age, then add 7 years and you have the lowest age acceptable for dating. ie, if you are 60 years old, 37 is theoretically the youngest age you can go after. I didn't invent this, just reporting what I know.

Better Marry a Robot wrote:

Interesting discussion. Unfortunately, I think the OP will turn lesbian after what I have to say. Look at all the most rich and powerful men in the world, they all prolifically cheat and/or pedophiles:

Bill Gates: An international pedophile with Epstein and also cheats constantly with women when married to Melinda for decades

Bill Clinton: Cheated on Hilary with Monica Lewinsky and likely others, also a pedophile with Epstein

Jeff Bezos: Cheated on wife so many times with constant rotation of hookers

Elon Musk: Divorced twice now, cheated on first wife with the second, likely cheated on the second wife with a third or fourth or fifth

Haha. I know. I've run around with enough loaded types to see plenty of what's up, so at Bezos level wealth, I can only imagine. I've joked for a long time that I wish I was into girls so I could get a smart and cool gf, have a horse, and be on my way. Regarding robots, one of my best friends is a neuroatypical guy who has many rare and valuable qualities but lacks the emotional range to be a true partner. Handsome, naturally athletic, well read, dutiful, and objective, but the guy could never love beyond the familial sense -- he's not wired for it. He is, however, an example of a guy I feel with certainty would be incapable of cheating, as he'd never want to....it'd be like asking me to kick a puppy across the street...not happening. I get that humans are fallible -- just trying to do some recon to see what makes it/prevents it from being a given.

here comes the cold water wrote:

Honest reply, here. All women cheat as well. Anytime you get your "needs met" by your "support network" you've just cheated. You did the same thing that a man did, you just got different needs met. When you look at it in terms of simply getting needs met maybe you'll drop the stigma. Hope that helps and what's your 5k PR?

Suggesting that talking it out with a friend is the same as putting your d*ck into another woman's orifice(s)?

I hope I'm misinterpreting this.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Regarding robots, one of my best friends is a neuroatypical guy who has many rare and valuable qualities but lacks the emotional range to be a true partner. Handsome, naturally athletic, well read, dutiful, and objective, but the guy could never love beyond the familial sense -- he's not wired for it. He is, however, an example of a guy I feel with certainty would be incapable of cheating, as he'd never want to....it'd be like asking me to kick a puppy across the street...not happening.

Marry that man, he is a rare find and you will save yourself a lot of stress. A man is there to provide and for having kids, not necessarily "love". If you want emotional love, then what you are looking for is a dog who will give you all the true love you need.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

If they drive a truck, they will cheat.

You’re welcome.

Better Marry a Robot wrote:

Marry that man, he is a rare find and you will save yourself a lot of stress. A man is there to provide and for having kids, not necessarily "love". If you want emotional love, then what you are looking for is a dog who will give you all the true love you need.

This got an audible laugh out of me, thanks. Read your response to my friend. This guy is staid, but even he laughed pretty hard because he's been saying "dog" for a while now and found it funny an anonymous message board gave the same answer. Going to turn this thread 25 degrees and ask a related question when I have another free day.

In response to dune, yeah, older guy is someone who has done some service work for me over the years. He has an unmarried daughter my age he talks about, so that was the segue to the topic of marriage. Younger guy was an apprentice who was showing insight and being honest. Not really my dating pool demographics, but they are still people. It happens among my white collar professional colleagues, too -- I'm confident it's less frequent, but to what extent is debatable given the level of discretion most possess. We all know the majority demographics of LRC. What part of the country do you live in that everyone still has values? Good job.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

If you cheat, you're not truly in love. If they cheat, they were never in love. It's sad but just plain true. When you're in love you don't even consider it.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

Interesting question. I got cheated on, most likely several times, by the love of ny life. I never really knew about cheating until then because i come from a stable family background and i didnt pay as much attention to the signs as i should have dome. He only ended the relationship with me when he thought it likely i would find out. I did a lot of thinking about this due to being so upset.

- men who get married later in life usually after 40 - they oftentimes have a history of ending relationships for no good reason and to them, love is cheap and meaningless. I wouldnt trust them to remain faithful once they are married, though some do. Often for lack of opportunity more than anything else.

- men with a history of using Tinder. Those men have a similar throwaway attitude to women. Once youve got down that route, its difficukt to be the same peson again.

- Manipulative liars, narcissists, etc. You can spot them if they are love bombers in the beginning of a relationship, are very self centred, especially if they had an unclear ending to their previous relationship before getting together with the next person (overlaps are a telltale sign), lack of empathy, lsck of conscience or very fake over emphasised displays of occasional conscience. Users who discard people, friends, etc.

- Good looking mem married to or formerly in a relationship with women who are much less attractive/older than they are and who have little career or outside interests. Again, tbis isnt normal. Most healthy relationships are formed between people who are relatively similar. This type like to have a homemaker to look after them at home while they cheat and figure that if they provide a decent house for her to live in, she wont leave. Id actually say this is the best predicter of all. Look at the previous girlfriend/wife. Several of my ex's friends tried to ask me on a date as soon as they found out we had split up and ALL of them had girlfriends/wives who fit into this category. It was disgusting.

- Secrecy or shyness (often tge same thing) in adult men. Often an act they have perfected to draw you in and not explain their actions. I wouldnt know my ex had got married if a male) friend hadnt found out and told me. Im guessing that would be the same for any woman doing online dating. Theres nothing on his sm, no couples or wedding photographs, no status change, etc.

- Men drawn to the limelight - actors, politicians, personal trainers, dancers, etc - too focussed on their appearance and have too many opportunities to cheat. This type of man needs constant stimulation and reassurance that he is still the star of his own show.

- often they will tell you - the opposite to secrecy, they want to avoid being accused of lying, so tell you all tge bad stuff at the start but not in a way that will put you off. Listen carefully to any guy who tells you they ended things with a former partner due to distance, etc. They are often telling you they cheated and if they've done it once, they have crossed a boundary and will do it again, even years later. Its like a type of innocence lost which can never be regained.

- men who have friends who are cheaters

- men who have fathers who cheated and got divorced as a result

- any past history of a double life through eg ldrs.

- men who go from relationship to telationship with no gaps.

- men who talk in detail about theit relationships, their approach to relationships, etc - this isnt normal, its self obsessed.

- tbose with obvious signs of some form of personality disorder. The majority of personality disorders are undiagnosed. Be particularly careful of anyone you suspect meets the criteria for borderline pd, aspd, ant form of psychotic pd, and obviously the dark triad includibg machiavellianism.

- non-masculine men - those who prefer female company, arent very interested in traditional male puruits, like to stay indoors, etc. Girly men cheat.

As i previously mentioned, i got cheated on and left by the love of my life. That guy then got married and sent me a message implying he wanted to cheat on his wife with me. That was the point i saw who he really was. But when youre in love, you cannot contemplate cheating.

Be careful with any guy who shows any red flags in the beginning, before you get sucked in, because cheaters dont only emotionally tear you to pieces, they devastate your life (i found going to my job really quite difficult for months afterwards and looking back, i dont know how i held it together).

Looking back, my ex displayed all of the signs above, but i overlooked them because i was young and innocent and met him through frirnds/hobby.