My relationship has become insane

Have a talk with her. Explain to her what you wrote in the first 3 paragraphs. See how she reacts. If she takes it to heart, apologizes and expresses the need to change (low likelihood), you could consider giving it a little time to see how it plays out. If not, or if she reacts negatively and blames you (high probability), then you're out.

But beware of fake promises to change, which are super common, since wanting to change, promising to change and then falling back into old patterns, is 100 times easier than actually implementing self-change.

From my experience, as a 47 year old guy married for 17 years, what you get in those first few months and years tends to be the best of what you're going to get. It's very unlikely it starts bad and gets better from there. If this is the best she's got for you, beware of what you're going to get from her after she knows she's got you for good and it's much harder for you to break loose.

If you feel that this relationship is worth saving, do something proactive like getting counseling, instead of just waiting for the shoe to drop. If she refuses to engage in counseling, then at least get counseling for yourself because the worst thing is not to break up but rather repeat a mistake.

sub sub elite local hobby jogger wrote:

STEVE THE ADDICT^^^^^^""""""""--^' wrote:

I just think this is a really good answer.

Wondering if I should be worried that STEVE THE ADDICT agrees with me on something.

I was going to say the same thing using different diction. Therefore you would agree with my way of thinking regarding this subject, unless you're one of those people who automatically disagrees with another person instead of forming their own opinion. Not saying you are though. Good day to you.

STEVE THE ADDICT^^^^^^""""""""--^' wrote:

sub sub elite local hobby jogger wrote:

Wondering if I should be worried that STEVE THE ADDICT agrees with me on something.

I was going to say the same thing using different diction. Therefore you would agree with my way of thinking regarding this subject, unless you're one of those people who automatically disagrees with another person instead of forming their own opinion. Not saying you are though. Good day to you.

My opinion is clearly stated while you have not seemed to form an opinion on the matter introduced by the OP. So what's your opinion on that matter?

if she is really hot, it might be worth trying to talk with her and let her know about her behavior. If not just dump her and move on

If want your saying is true then put on those new Nike super shoes and Exit Stage Right or Left, but exit.

What's she look like?

Is she fun ? wink wink

She’s already revealed to you who she is by the way she treats you. No amount of communication is to going to change who she intrinsically is. Sharing your feelings about how she treats you may allow younto get things off of your chest, and perhaps she may benefit from the feedback. And it may even change how she behaves in the short term - but expect her to revert back to that behavior in the long term.

Rojo’s advice is good - you’re not married to her, so there’s no need to try to make things work. Find someone who values you for who you are.

f ed wrote:

Either she is fake to 99% of peopler, or there is something specific about me that has caused her to act like that, or to be comfortable confronting me like that (and only me).

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Maybe it's you? Maybe she should dump your sorry a$$ and move on?

Had a similar relationship a few years back. Nothing I did in between flat out leaving her did anything. And even then, when I broke it off, she told me she was doing me a favor by agreeing to it. Sounds like she is probably super insecure and unhappy beneath the facade. Find yourself someone who doesn’t treat you like that.

She is fake to everyone but has no issue slamming you. I would walk not trying to be a negative person here but you are walking into a future that involves you getting not being allowed to do a Bachelor party for your best friend in Vegas while a couple months later she leaves you with the kids so she can do one for her girl friend and in return gives the male stripper a naked lap dance and forgets to wear a condom.

OP this situation sounds exactly like my ex gf. I recommend you make the move to dump her and don’t wait for her to do it.

I tried to stay with mine after talking about those issues and we had an extra 6 months of toxic life together before finally breaking up. And now she’s dating one of my [now former] close friends, trying to manipulate my network of friends and acquaintances against me for absolutely no reason. Get out now.

To a lesser degree my "relationship" is similar. Pretty much what you said: to family and friends--and complete strangers--she is polite, forgiving, and even obsequious. To me she is quick to criticize, and regularly declares her personal "dos and donts"--assumes the role of house rule maker.

Now I am not blameless, and I have my own passive-aggressivity to add to the mix, but I have figured out that she is (1) being honest with me, (2) was exposed to an unbalanced praise/blame-ridden childhood, and (3) she expects a lot more from me, since she values (depends) on my judgement and opinions very highly.

Bottom line, I balance the whole combination of things and come up with a pretty positive picture. That is based on a ton of compatible things we enjoy, and the fact that it's all stuff I can live with and see in perspective. Plus she is a good person.

porcupine wrote:

f ed wrote:

Either she is fake to 99% of peopler, or there is something specific about me that has caused her to act like that, or to be comfortable confronting me like that (and only me).

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Familiarity provides more opportunities for contempt. I think it's human nature to save our harshest judgment for those closest to us. Sounds as if she's carrying this a bit too far.

Pics?

have a talk about it, and ask her how she feels about stuff more and for her to be clear and direct to you about what makes her upset.... and tell her you can't read minds! If that doesn't work, move on and tell her why

I'm in same situation.

Pandemic revealed to me& kids just how courteous wife was to colleagues. It literally feels like verbal abuse on my end.

She's an executive. I think I'm her out. Her safe place. The rest of her world stands up cuz she can garbage my lane. I go insane sometimes too and want to get her back.

Then, I just breathe. Try not to take personally. Quickly, go for a run. :)

Dated a girl exactly like this. Constant and never-ending nagging, needling and telling me how to do things. Tried to conform to her wishes, however, never was "perfect". I was told not to date her, I should have listened. After six months after one particularly bad day - I kicked her out of my house. She did look great n*ked though, was was great in bed, which is why it probably lasted six months. She has never had a long-term boyfriend. So, it's not me.

In a similar situation, getting out.