Wife's Dad died left her a lot of money and she is putting it in a personal account should l be mad

back in the day wrote:

In my divorced state of NJ all assets, including a 401k were subject to equitable distribution so you better be sure about your state laws.

I'm fine in California and the laws are the same in NJ:

"New Jersey Marital Property Laws

Created by FindLaw's team of legal writers and editors | Last updated June 01, 2018

When you get married, property acquired during the marriage is generally called "marital property." In contrast, property that is acquired by one spouse before marriage, as a gift, or as an inheritance, is referred to as “separate property.” This property remains separate upon a divorce, and the court will not distribute this property to the other spouse. The concept of marital property really only becomes relevant when a couple gets divorced, as it hits at the center of a main source of conflict -- who gets what after the divorce?"

I haven't contributed to my 401K since long before we were married so it's "separate property". It's mine I tell you.

So, you allow how "the world" is to affect your sense of right and wrong? Not me. All things that should be and need to be pointed out that they should be that way are NOT that way because of the way "the world" is. Idealism does not mean a pipedream.

You either do things as they should be done or you do not.

“Lets Ignorant” is filled with so many know it alls who know nothing about community property and inheritance.

Marriage is a legal social contract. If her money is your money and your money is her money then there is no need to get married if you are in a “loving, committed relationship”. The laws were written to protect people who confused love and commitment with marriage.

On another note I think the OP supported a GF for a year with his own savings and now that she’s inherited a “large” sum of money he’s upset that she can/will walk away now.

My comments have nothing to do with divorce, only how a married couple should live regarding money. Also, none of what I said contradicts what you just said anyway.

chess vs checkers wrote:

“Lets Ignorant” is filled with so many know it alls who know nothing about community property and inheritance.

Marriage is a legal social contract. If her money is your money and your money is her money then there is no need to get married if you are in a “loving, committed relationship”. The laws were written to protect people who confused love and commitment with marriage.

On another note I think the OP supported a GF for a year with his own savings and now that she’s inherited a “large” sum of money he’s upset that she can/will walk away now.

We are married. I am upset that she acts like it's her money, it should be our money. I am very confused. I made it clear that l want to be paid back for everything when the money comes in. She said no problem. I also said for one year you can pay everything like l did and she also said no problem. I got a lot of different view points on here; some say she is 100 percent wrong, some are inbetween, and some are all on her side. I just wanted to know was it wrong for me to feel this way?

You clearly are slow but account for everything. This is why your first marriage didn’t work. The law is very clear on community property and inheritance. Look up the marriage laws in your state. And LRC isn’t the best place to get advice on women/marriage. Having an opinion or feeling doesn’t make one right in the eyes of the law. The lottery analogy someone made is reprehensible, she didn’t get “lucky” her dad died.

Did she not do a single thing during the last year that you feel the need to be “paid back” for being married? What’s the plan for year three (if you two make it)? 50/50

She’s offered to pay your car off, pay for a year of joint expenses, and take care of other expenses yet you’re still miffed. Try calling her deceased dad your father in law and grow up.

Wow! I agree with you, but add in my opinion and you feel the need to make it known that you were right before that addition. Very insecure people do stuff like that. You must be a miserable person to be around.

Dude listen to your self. You’ve been doing exactly what she is doing now. You’ll end up with a divorce. You’re upset she is opening another account even though she has to come to you and ask for money like you’re her dad! It’s a wonder she didn’t leave you already. You keep using the wrong pronouns of “I, mine, and your” you need to start using “our and we” why should she even have to ask to be on the checking account? Why would you not put her on it? You’re getting a divorce and good for her, she deserves better.

Flagpole wrote:

Raddison wrote:

While this sound egalitarian it is bad advice. If a partner dies joint bank accounts are frozen until the will is proved. This could leave the survivor without access to funds for a couple of months. Each partner should have an account in their own name so that they can access money. should the worst happen. Most couples do this with savings accounts.

Not true.

I did some checking on this as it does not square with what happened to a friend of ours who's husband died suddenly back in the 1990s. In Canada (I don't know about other countries) there are two types of joint account. The most common is where either partner can draw on the account and in that case in the event of death the surviving partner has full access. The other type is where both partners must authorize a transaction, i.e. both signatures must be on the cheque. In that instance the account is frozen on the death of a partner. This is more common in businesses. I believe this is referred to as a Joint Tenants In Common Account.

In our friend's case her husband was a self employed consultant and the sole earner. So income all flowed through the company account which was set up in both their names. I suspect they had a regular joint account as well and each quarter they would transfer dividend income to that account for daily use to avoid the complexities of the double approval. It seems when he died most of the money was in the company account and only a little in the regular account.

Interesting what you learn from reading LetsRun.

I read the first couple pages, but then skipped to the end, and saw this. All I can say is, "WTF?" And that's directed to you, not her. Are you married, or what? if you're married, what the hell is with accounting for what you paid for, and needing to be "paid back"? You're either in it or not.

I can see and understand your disgruntlement with your spouse's putting the inheritance money in a separate account. But whether it's logistically "right" (whatever that means, according to Flagpole), this isn't some lottery she won, or a bonus from work. It's an inheritance from her PARENT and is likely weighted with all kinds of emotional baggage that distorts any conception of what's "right" and "wrong" from a "we're married so everything is OURS not YOURS" point of view.

If you're more than 12 years old, you should be saying, "God bless you my dear, I'm sorry your dad died. Do whatever you want with the money, because I trust you." Forget about it and move on. You're either in it for the long term (in which case the identity of the bank account holding the money makes no difference), or you're not (in which case you should quit complaining and break it off now).

Good luck, and I mean that.

That is OK for him to say that to her (and you are right that his attitude is poor), BUT, she should not consider it for a second. I don't accept emotional baggage attached to MONEY; perhaps to a material thing, if wanted for the THING itself, not the money it can bring, but not just flat money. That's either BS from a person feeling that way (they really just want the money), or they are seriously flawed/warped.

scumbag husband wrote:

Dude listen to your self. You’ve been doing exactly what she is doing now. You’ll end up with a divorce. You’re upset she is opening another account even though she has to come to you and ask for money like you’re her dad! It’s a wonder she didn’t leave you already. You keep using the wrong pronouns of “I, mine, and your” you need to start using “our and we” why should she even have to ask to be on the checking account? Why would you not put her on it? You’re getting a divorce and good for her, she deserves better.

I took care of her, and l just feel funny how all of a sudden she doesn't want to be on the account. I told her we are going to stop fighting about money for a few days, and put that topic on the back burner, but we will revisit it this weekend or something and really discuss everything. I have in the meantime told her she will be supporting me and my kids for the next year, just to see her reaction. She is ok with it. But what about once the money comes? I told her it's a lot of money we could be set for a long while with it too. I want her to understand it's WE will be set for a long while with that much money, not her, we.