Posters over 40, what is your biggest regret?

As I near age 47, prime time for mid-life crisis, I think about this a lot. It's a dangerous path to go down as too many regrets lead to depression.

So in a general sense I try not to regret, and instead understand why the paths I took were the paths I took. It helps a lot.

But if I could generalize, it is the fact that I generally did not believe in myself. Wasn't smart enough, wasn't good enough, wasn't attractive enough, "those other paths" were for "those other people, not people like me...."

I was just a poor white trash kid and therefore the ambition was to work in the town factory producing insulation.

As a result, I didn't participate in a single organized sport, including running. I didn't consider any college other than the local state school, didn't apply myself to my studies as I thought school was something to get through, nothing else.

Ended up not even going to college and took a half assed MOS in the Army because it had a 15k sign on bonus or something like that. Left the Army as soon as I was able and accidentally knocked my my wife on our wedding night, with no career and no money and no real desire to even have a kid.

But somehow, someway, I managed to find a job I actually love (Software Engineer) out of something that had been a hobby as a kid (programming). Somehow I make 150k a year with no formal education. My kid is a junior at Kentucky in the Honors Program on an academic full ride.

when you think you may be making a mistake, be sure it isn't at the expense of someone you care about.

Foul up yourself, take chances with yourself, fine, but if you start hurting people you care about, you will regret that forever.

Well if I had one wish in this god forsaken world, kids

It'd be that your mistakes would be your own

Yeah your sins would be your own

- Bruce S

Swaglord_the_real_one_1_one_1 wrote:

I'm 28.

My dad said one of his biggest regrets was wasting time on drinking after about 25, hangovers and wasted days. Wasn't like an alcoholic or anything, just raging with the boys etc.

One of his best decisions he said, was getting married at 37 instead of 27 like most others.

THIS! But, unlike your dad . . . I married young too.

Not many regrets - I have a great life and family.

2 things but not a big deal:

1. Not investing as soon as I could - I didn't lose that much time but I wish started even earlier

2. Not learning to play a musical instrument - I really wish I knew how to play piano or guitar

Get Invisalign !

UsedToBeKnowItAll wrote:

Probably finding this forum. I've wasted so many hours on this crap website and imagine outside of some entertainment, I have gotten almost nothing in return. I got off Facebook a few years back. Maybe 2021 is the year I quit wasting time here.

Hey man, I've often respected your posts in the past so I'll chime in here- its never too late! I used to waste way too much time here. But I finally was able to quit the habit. Now before people say "says the guy who just posted! Ha ha" I didn't say I never check in or post, just very infrequently. It used to be a daily habit. And sometimes pulled into worthless hours long debates. Now..... I'll go weeks at a time without even thinking of letsrun, and NEVER get pulled into big long debates. So, i spend very little time and mental energy here which was the goal. Thank God.

It can be done.

In no particular order

-staying a good 3 years of my 20s in a toxic relationship

- watching too much porn (easily 10,000 hrs in the last 30 yrrs..still not a sex expert?)

- not exercising at all until i was 29

- not marrying/committing to my Japanese gf (this is a recent burn), who loved me more than anyone else ever, just because i thought i could do better (4 yrs on, still haven't)

- not starting serious saving/investing until i was almost 40 (had I started in my mid 20s, i would have been financially independent by now)

- not starting meditating until recently, even though i read about it first time in my early 20s

- not asking out the girls i wanted to in my 20s and 30s (so many "what ifs" in that area, so many opportunities passed, just because I didnt wanna risk rejection).

regret_pandora wrote:

- not marrying/committing to my Japanese gf (this is a recent burn), who loved me more than anyone else ever, just because i thought i could do better (4 yrs on, still haven't)

Hah damn, I'm nearing the same situation. I wonder what the best thing is... do you settle a bit? Do you just let it naturally take it's course and wait for an ultimatum? Throw a hail mary and try to open it up and date other girls too? I feel bad about taking their "best years" after a point. Super warm, kind (sometimes I wonder if it's a trap though), good energy, prob at least 7.5/10 looks. Never been a b*tch and never argued. Dating 1.5 years.

I don't spend much time on regrets. You make the decision you do at the time, with the information you have at the time. None of us have the perfect set of information, ever. We're human and it's normal to mess up, a lot. Looking backward and spending any significant amount of time regretting or self-punishing for those mistakes serves no purpose.

Instead, learn from your past mistakes by converting your "regrets" into tools to make better decisions in the future. This creates conditions where each day has the potential to be better than the last. Stop viewing your mistakes as "regrets." Instead view them as your most valuable tools to have a better future. For extra credit: Also learn from other people's mistakes to make your own future even better.

Swaglord_the_real_one_1_one_1 wrote:

regret_pandora wrote:

- not marrying/committing to my Japanese gf (this is a recent burn), who loved me more than anyone else ever, just because i thought i could do better (4 yrs on, still haven't)

Hah damn, I'm nearing the same situation. I wonder what the best thing is... do you settle a bit? Do you just let it naturally take it's course and wait for an ultimatum? Throw a hail mary and try to open it up and date other girls too? I feel bad about taking their "best years" after a point. Super warm, kind (sometimes I wonder if it's a trap though), good energy, prob at least 7.5/10 looks. Never been a b*tch and never argued. Dating 1.5 years.

From my experience, you don't want to rush the decision and you will know when it feels right. But what has worked well for me is once you make a decision, don't waste your energy worrying if it was the right one, use that energy to make your decisions work.

At 55:

- Not running high mileage in college (the late 80's and that BS low mileage/speed stuff ruined a generation of us)

- Not running a marathon year after college. I was jogging doing 20-22 milers with guys that ran 2:28-2:38.

- Looking for the perfect girlfriend in teens/20's instead of letting things happen.

- Not moving to California until my 30's.

- Leaving California in my 50's.

What I don't regret: being the best parent I could be. Staying as debt free as possible. Maxing out my 401K for as long as possible.

I don't have any serious regrets and am happy with my life, but I guess I would have spent less time and energy on relationships in my 20s that weren't going anywhere.

not taking more career risk. specifically, going to law school instead of working as an engineer in tech in palo alto in 1995. whatever you do, don't go to law school. it caps your success.

My biggest regret is not taking a year off between High School and College. I was burned out and would have been much more focused when I started college had a taken time off. Most importantly I wish I had taken the time to walk the AT or undertake some adventure. There is seldom the time to do things like that once you get into a fixed career path.

Going to law school. There's 3 years of my life I'd like to get back. One positive though was meeting the girl of my dreams (at a law firm). Married her. We both left law and went on to satisfying non-law careers (best job I ever had was at Nike in the old, old days - that is, when nearly every employee went for a run at lunchtime).

Never having a good balance in life. Never felt that I was running enough, studying enough, socializing enough, or sleeping enough. I always thought that I could strike a balance, but never found it. For example, my sophomore year of college I ran 8k (5 mile) in 27 minutes flat. I thought that if I trained more, I would get better, but I was already putting in so much time that my grades were suffered. I noticed that when I was injured one quarter, I ran less, studied more, and got better grades. Then I got over the injury, ran more, studied less, and got worse grades. Ended up quitting running for my junior and senior year of college, and my grades shot up, and I got my engineering degree, went to grad school for a MS in Engineering, and then later law school, and I enjoy my job as a lawyer. But I still wish I never quit running in college. Probably would have been a career distaster though, if I didn't.

not throwing real big party for 40th birthday

Working more than 37.5 hours a week. Seriously - it's dead time. You only get one life and people spend it working 60 hour weeks, it's wasting the gift. If you need the money then upskill rather than slog your guts out. Work smart not hard. I learned that too late.

Travel more. Again, I left it too late. Managed 35 countries but still so many left to do and it gets harder as you get older as you have less free time and more commitments with family. Now I cant just get in the car and drive to Sorrento or Toulouse without a sh*t load of planning/arranging stuff - I could when I was 20s and 30s. I missed that chance.

Wallowing in the mud with morons like dunes, unkle, allen, jamin, etc