Don't cheat my guy. Once you do that you'll always be the cheater. Even if she doesn't know, how would you feel about it?
You already talked about it and she doesn't really seem to care. I would just end it and start over fresh.
That's right. Only losers cheat. Be a man and get what you want with honor, even if it means putting your foot down and getting a divorce.
A romantic relationship involves sex. If she's not putting out, she ended that relationship and you're now friends or roommates with a lot of extra strings. That's why I don't believe you can cheat when your "partner" isn't having sex with you. Why would she care anyways that you're having sex with someone else if she doesn't want to?
I see it this way. You need to do at least one of these things:
1) Tell her that just because she's not interested doesn't mean you aren't and you would like to use her body for your pleasure on a regular basis (you tell her how often that is).
2) If she doesn't want to do the above, then you ask/tell her that you will seek sex outside the marriage. You still love her and would rather have sex with her, but since she's not willing, you must find it elsewhere. It is good/necessary for a man's mental health at a minimum and some evidence says physical health too.
3) If she will not go along with either of the above two choices (#1 is very reasonable), then you tell her you ARE going to seek sex outside the marriage whether she wants you to or not and that if she can't be married to you because of that, then that's how that will be.
4) Of course you MIGHT want a partner who enjoys sex also, and if that's the case, she's not the one for you and you'll have to do some soul searching to determine if you can stay with her.
And I thought you only gave investment advice. A man of many talents.
I am a Jack of all trades and a master of ALL of them.
The sexless marriage sucks. I am also in a sort of sexless relationship, but in my case it's more because I'm not super attracted to my partner. This is the first relationship I've been in like this, but it makes me understand a bit what women experience. You make it sound like there's something wrong with the person who isn't interested. But is not being attracted to someone really somebody's fault? I totally wish I could be attracted to my GF, but I'm just not that much. I am more attracted to other women. I have not cheated on her though. I just found other things to focus on and for now I've accepted that sex isn't what this relationship is about. It's better in other ways than other relationships I've been in.
I could blame her for being overweight and not very healthy conscious, and a few other personality traits that irritate me. I'm sure there are plenty of things about me that could make me unattractive. There have been a few women who got with me and then became unattracted. At least in my case, my current GF is more attracted to me, so she always wants to do it. Ideally both partners would be equally attracted, but I don't think that happens very often. At least on consistently.
Your fault for being stupid enough to get married to her. That's what usually happens to a man unfortunately, he stops getting what he signed up for when he got married. What did he sign up for? Sex, woman looking attractive to his perception, woman not giving him a hard time, woman contributing in some way, woman cooking and cleaning, woman not flirting with other men. Many of these things deteriorate or stop completely after marriage.
As for the woman, she basically signed up for security--house, man making income and contributing to take care of the kids, etc. The trap has been set but since the woman can benefit from divorce, it's possibly more appealing to her. You don't see men thinking if the marriage fails they can merely get a divorce and be better off, that mentality is exclusively for women.
But things are inevitably shifting. Men are starting to wake up and realize American women are not appealing for marriage, generally. Foreign women are better. That's because the foreign woman doesn't compromise what the man signed up for in marriage. The result? There will be many bitter and jealous American women going forward and they'll take their jealousy out on foreign women. Just watch this ugliness escalate in the next couple decades.
When foreign women are brought to the west and experience the level of opportunity we have, they'll become more like western women too. Western women are in no way incentivized or encouraged to stay in long-term relationships since they can either get a high-paying job to support themselves or get married, have kids with a man and get divorced once the marriage stops being fun and then live off their ex-husband through alimony and child support. Obviously not ALL women are going to behave in this way, but it does appear to be the trend.
Feminists lied then--they said women are worse-off, but if that's the case, why do I see more women earning more than men? It seems due to DEI initiatives more women out-earn men overall in corporate fields like finance, HR, media, medical, etc. So the men are now the ones going forward who will earn less.
The Atlantic had a piece--The End of Men--awhile back. Women are more educated now and earn more. Men CAN change this--they need to take their careers more seriously, quit playing video games (obviously not all men do this) and become educated again. Get that MA/MS/STEM degree and get those jobs...
Men get screwed in divorce court too, but that's always been the case.
Your fault for being stupid enough to get married to her. That's what usually happens to a man unfortunately, he stops getting what he signed up for when he got married. What did he sign up for? Sex, woman looking attractive to his perception, woman not giving him a hard time, woman contributing in some way, woman cooking and cleaning, woman not flirting with other men. Many of these things deteriorate or stop completely after marriage.
As for the woman, she basically signed up for security--house, man making income and contributing to take care of the kids, etc. The trap has been set but since the woman can benefit from divorce, it's possibly more appealing to her. You don't see men thinking if the marriage fails they can merely get a divorce and be better off, that mentality is exclusively for women.
But things are inevitably shifting. Men are starting to wake up and realize American women are not appealing for marriage, generally. Foreign women are better. That's because the foreign woman doesn't compromise what the man signed up for in marriage. The result? There will be many bitter and jealous American women going forward and they'll take their jealousy out on foreign women. Just watch this ugliness escalate in the next couple decades.
What men should really be waking up to is that marriage is not a great idea, period. Foreign women are still women with the same biological tendencies ao no maasive advantage unless you move to their country to settle down. Marriage is a massive gamble and you likely won't realize how bad things have gotten until after you have children. You may deal with cycles of loneliness if you never get married, but as the saying goes... the grass is always greener on the other side.
Your fault for being stupid enough to get married to her. That's what usually happens to a man unfortunately, he stops getting what he signed up for when he got married. What did he sign up for? Sex, woman looking attractive to his perception, woman not giving him a hard time, woman contributing in some way, woman cooking and cleaning, woman not flirting with other men. Many of these things deteriorate or stop completely after marriage.
As for the woman, she basically signed up for security--house, man making income and contributing to take care of the kids, etc. The trap has been set but since the woman can benefit from divorce, it's possibly more appealing to her. You don't see men thinking if the marriage fails they can merely get a divorce and be better off, that mentality is exclusively for women.
But things are inevitably shifting. Men are starting to wake up and realize American women are not appealing for marriage, generally. Foreign women are better. That's because the foreign woman doesn't compromise what the man signed up for in marriage. The result? There will be many bitter and jealous American women going forward and they'll take their jealousy out on foreign women. Just watch this ugliness escalate in the next couple decades.
What men should really be waking up to is that marriage is not a great idea, period. Foreign women are still women with the same biological tendencies ao no maasive advantage unless you move to their country to settle down. Marriage is a massive gamble and you likely won't realize how bad things have gotten until after you have children. You may deal with cycles of loneliness if you never get married, but as the saying goes... the grass is always greener on the other side.
You can also be married and lonely when your partner is always working, spending time with friends, and always too tired for you to be a priority. That is where I am right now.
So when do you know it's just "over"? Aside from the obvious cases of abuse or serial cheating and stuff like that, but the slow, gradual death of a marriage, where it just slips away in tiny bits until one day you just do not care.
The person you married just seems like a memory. I am struggling BADLY, the biggest moment, my epiphany was when she went on a trip for a week and I did not miss her one second. In fact I was so happy just walking around alone.. it felt like such a relief. I actually dreaded the day she was coming home. It's not like I was banging tail, or partying when she was gone, just happy not being around her. That kinda sucks.
I think you answered that question in your response. There's counseling and/or working together to figure out what has gone wrong - open honesty is the only thing that will work in either of those situations. But if that ship has sailed - get a lawyer, organize your financial position, protect what is yours and give her what's hers, and move on. Everything dies, and sometimes, relationships die sooner than we thought they would. I can't speak for everyone who has been in a failed marriage, but at least for me, escaping a toxic first marriage was the first step in reclaiming my life and finding real joy and happiness again. I assume my ex is fine, too. I knew it was time when she was supposed to work on Saturday, and I had made plans to spend the morning just enjoying the house without her in it. The phone rang, her boss gave her the day off, and it felt like someone had just told me I had been approved for a last-minute colonoscopy. I dreaded being around her - the only time I felt happy was at work when I was away from her, or when she was out of town or working.
Divorce is dreadfully painful at first - not gonna lie - but in the end, it's worth the initial pain to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
So when do you know it's just "over"? Aside from the obvious cases of abuse or serial cheating and stuff like that, but the slow, gradual death of a marriage, where it just slips away in tiny bits until one day you just do not care.
The person you married just seems like a memory. I am struggling BADLY, the biggest moment, my epiphany was when she went on a trip for a week and I did not miss her one second. In fact I was so happy just walking around alone.. it felt like such a relief. I actually dreaded the day she was coming home. It's not like I was banging tail, or partying when she was gone, just happy not being around her. That kinda sucks.
I’ve been there. We eventually got divorced. But she left for 4 days and it was magical. We didn’t have kids so I had the place all to myself and it was amazing. When she got home she said “are you happy to have me back?” to which I said to myself “no, I enjoyed not getting yelled at for a couple of days”
My marriage consisted of no sex, getting criticized for everything, and being told I didn’t make enough money. If I made a single criticism towards her, she’d flip out. Good riddance!
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