My live in girlfriend of 7 years not invited to join family potrait

I'm surprised this thread hasn't delved more into your moms real reasons for excluding your gf. Is it possible that your girl is a bit of a moose and your mom doesn't want her ruining an otherwise good-looking families portrait?

she aint got no get yet wrote:

Case---A couple that was married legally plus had a religious ceremony

she wanted a divorce

I did not

she petitioned court

court says divorce granted

she cares not about the religious vows and did nothing to get a religious divorce

result

she considers herself totally uncommitted

despite the legal order to absolve I have not broken my religious commitment thus will go to my grave committed to my traditional religious "till death do us part" marriage

question # 1

Is my Mom right telling her because I have not given up hope about the marriage and am still religiously committed to it she must come and be in the family portrait?

question 2

does this mean everyone in heaven is single?

thank you in advance for your replies

"heaven"?!?

Seriously?

WTF?

Rojo, you are correct the gf needs to be gracious. She can use this opportunity to take the high road and rise above the behavior of the mother. If the gf does not take the high road then that makes me think the gf is a drama queen and the real issue is the OP's family can't stand her.

You are wrong about cohabitation not being the societal norm. Cohabitation is the new norm in the United States and has been for some time. In a United States poll asking "Is it alright for a couple to live together without intending to get married", 60% of people approved, less than 20% disapproved, the rest don't care.

"Approval" does not make it the norm.

Glad I could help clear that up for you.

I think you are missing the point (or are trolling). It's not about being treated as an equal. It's about making intentions known to those around you rather than just assuming that they understand the nature of your relationship based on observation.

It's also about common courtesy, especially if you expect your family to behave a certain way toward your girlfriend. If the OP doesn't care what his family thinks, then why is he getting bent out of shape that his girlfriend is not being included in the family photo?

It makes sense that the OP should let his family know in some meaningful way that he considers his relationship with his girlfriend to be permanent, whether that be through a typical marriage ceremony or some variation of the photo shoot scenario that I described above. I realize the apology is not a likely scenario given the arrogant nature of the OP, but I had to put it out there.

Bottom line: you can buck all the social norms that you like, but it's not fair to expect everyone to come along for the ride. A common sense approach to this situation would be to for the OP to make his intentions regarding his relationship perfectly clear to those that he cares about. At that point, the problem will become theirs and not his.

Joe or Something Else wrote:

"Approval" does not make it the norm.

Glad I could help clear that up for you.

About 50% of couples live together before marriage and that percentage is going up.

Don't get your burka in a bind. Deal with it.

societal norms wrong you are wrote:

Joe or Something Else wrote:

"Approval" does not make it the norm.

Glad I could help clear that up for you.

About 50% of couples live together before marriage and that percentage is going up.

Don't get your burka in a bind. Deal with it.

And the vast majority of them are destined for divorce. The unmarried couple that lives together sins together.

so whats a family wrote:

Now here's the kicker. Now my girlfriend doesn't want to be in it because she feels she is not wanted. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

rojo wrote:

This only confirms my suspicions. You guys are being ridiculous. I appreciate you standing up for your gf but come on. She needs to show up and be gracious.

Gracious for what???????

heathen detector wrote:

societal norms wrong you are wrote:

About 50% of couples live together before marriage and that percentage is going up.

Don't get your burka in a bind. Deal with it.

And the vast majority of them are destined for divorce. The unmarried couple that lives together sins together.

Wrong you are.

Even fox news reports there is no link between cohabitation and divorce.

"heaven"?!?

Seriously?

WTF?

So you are not in the till death do us part camp either?

I bet the OP is a broke loser who's mom thinks he's a lowlife who doesn't have the balls to marry a woman (probably cuz he can't afford an engagement ring) and the mom feels sorry for the girlfriend cuz she puts up with her son. The mom has no respect for any woman stupid enough to be with her pitiful son hence why she's left out.

be a man

get her a ring

do the deed

geeez

ka-ching wrote:

be a man

get her a ring

do the deed

geeez

I'm fully supportive of marriage, especially if there are going to be kids.

But it is time to stop the nonsense that cohabitation is immoral and evil.

societal norms wrong you are wrote:

Joe or Something Else wrote:

"Approval" does not make it the norm.

Glad I could help clear that up for you.

About 50% of couples live together before marriage and that percentage is going up.

Don't get your burka in a bind. Deal with it.

You have incorrectly assumed that I do not approve of living together outside of marriage.

That fact testifies to your stupidity and ignorance.

So, how does it feel to be both stupid and ignorant?

guy in a little round hat wrote:

"heaven"?!?

Seriously?

WTF?

So you are not in the till death do us part camp either?

No offense, but WTF is that supposed to mean?

societal norms wrong you are wrote:

ka-ching wrote:

be a man

get her a ring

do the deed

geeez

I'm fully supportive of marriage, especially if there are going to be kids.

But it is time to stop the nonsense that cohabitation is immoral and evil.

In the post that you quote the word "immoral" does not appear. Neither does the word "evil".

Just figured I'd give you a little help with your reading problem.

A couple of people have hinted at it, but no one has really come out and stated it:

This has nothing to do with the girlfriend. The OP's mother thinks he is an embarrassment to the family and she believes he is taking advantage of the poor girl. She is ashamed of her son. She wants her son to marry the girl and she will gladly accept her into the family.

This leads me to another point:

I have no problem with two adults living together, but that is not a family. Say what you want, but you know I am right. If they have a child, I will consider them a family. As of right now, they are two selfish adults who are scared to commit to each other. This disappoints his mom.

societal norms wrong you are wrote:

You are wrong about cohabitation not being the societal norm. Cohabitation is the new norm in the United States and has been for some time. In a United States poll asking "Is it alright for a couple to live together without intending to get married", 60% of people approved, less than 20% disapproved, the rest don't care.

I agree it's normal to live with an SO. I disagree that it's normal for them to be considered a member of the family (by everyone). The same goes for close friends. Would you be upset if mom didn't invite your best friend of 20 years to be in the *family* portrait? You shouldn't feel pressured to get married and there's nothing wrong with never doing it. But you can't have your cake and eat it too.

txRUNNERgirl wrote:

[quote]societal norms wrong you are wrote:

I agree it's normal to live with an SO. I disagree that it's normal for them to be considered a member of the family (by everyone). The same goes for close friends. Would you be upset if mom didn't invite your best friend of 20 years to be in the *family* portrait? You shouldn't feel pressured to get married and there's nothing wrong with never doing it. But you can't have your cake and eat it too.

My opinion is that a long-term monogamous relationship between two people (*not a friendship*) is morally equivalent to a marriage, but does not have the benefits of being legally married. My advice to long-term couples is get married. This does not excuse the behavior of the OPs mother.

A spin on the original scenario: What if the OP was in a committed gay relationship and wants to get married, but the state he resides in does not allow gay marriage. Should the significant other be allowed in the family photo?