I'm new here, but I've been dealing with sexual frustrations in my marriage for quite some time now. (Sorry, kind of a long read i guess)
My wife and I have been married 3 years this May. We've been living together almost 5 years now. I am 29, and she's 31.
Before we moved in together, we'd see each other only on the weekends. School/work/distance really kept us occupied during the week. We would have sex very often in those 2 days. I completely understood that upon moving in together, the sex frequency would decline. It's a given. But I didn't think it'd be this bad, plus, it's more than just the frequency.
For the last 2 years I'd say, our sex life has been bad. I honestly cannot remember the last time she wanted to have sex with me. I am always the initiator. Always. When we do have sex, however, its great. I last a long time. We both are very very satisfied afterwards. But let's say I ask for sex on Tuesday, I get the "not tonight", or "tomorrow" and the procrastination continues for 4-5 days until she's ready, or until she gets her period and I have no choice but to wait more days. Sometimes it feels like she deliberately waited until she got her period because it gives her an excuse for declining. It makes me feel like sex is a tedious chore to her. There was one point where I didn't ask her at all to see how far it would go, and it went 4 months until we spoke about it.
I've tried every method. I tried being dirty, role playing, seductive, romantic, sweet, sexting to outright saying "can we have sex tonight?" Every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful. We laugh, we joke, we fight, I cook, she cooks, she watches football and basketball because I do, and I watch American Idol and Glee with her. I'm an early riser, she sleeps in, I make her breakfast on days off. We respect each other.
About a year ago, I decided to keep a log on when we had sex. Not counting oral sex. From March '11 to March '12, it totaled 18 times. Averages to 1.5 times a month.
One day I was looking under the bed for something I lost and found a dildo. She happened to be sitting right there. I was kind of upset, not that she's pleasuring herself, but more so that it's such a struggle to get her to have sex with me and she's masturbating anyway and getting pleasure there.
About a month and a half before my log concluded, I went on a "no ask for sex" run to see if she would ask me or initiate anything. Not to my surprise, she didn't. I sat her down and we spoke about the issue at hand, and she was surprised at how little we had sex for that year, and how long it's been since we had sex the last time. We discussed everything, and she was definitely aware it was an issue, but not that it was that severe. (for the record, this was definitely not the first conversation we've had about this).
We spoke about it and she really vowed to make an effort to work on that part of our relationship. I told her I'm not asking for sex every single night, but I don't think 1.5x a month is healthy, and on top of that, she never seems to want it enough to ask me. I told her either she doesn't find me attractive anymore, or she's getting it from someone else. My wife is faithful to me, as I am to her, and we both know that, but I said if someone were just reading the facts, they'd likely conclude that she is cheating on me. She is a young healthy woman. I also said that I never cheated on you nor will I ever, but I can understand why a man could.
I was under the impression that she would make an effort in the past 5-6 weeks since we had this talk, but I believe it's gotten worse now!! Still, she hasn't shown any interest, we had sex 3 times since then, just about average. But now, instead of great, lengthy sex, she just pulls her pants down, doesn't even face me, and we have a quickie in the spooning position. No foreplay whatsoever anymore. Doesn't even take her shirt off. I had to really focus on staying aroused and finishing, that's how boring it was.
So I'm at a point now, I've spoken to her multiple times, tried every method to arouse her, and not offering her doesn't seem to make her want it anymore either. And on top of that, I can't even look at a pretty celebrity on a magazine cover without her making a comment or getting jealous. Just the other day I saw a girl in the street that looked like an actress on a TV show we watch together. I mentioned it and she got upset and jealous because she knows I think the actress is pretty, therefore, I found the girl on the street pretty as well. She made a big deal out of it.
So this is my dilemma, I have no idea how to approach this otherwise. Anyone??
The Dildo says she has a Libido. She is just not into it with you. I'd say she is with you out of the fact the separation and divorce is expensive. What you are going through is called an irreconcilable difference which is a court reason for divorce. Hopefully you moved on.
Serious question here. Is she on any type of depression meds or anything like that? There have been several case studies that show a severe drop in libido levels when one is on those meds.
This is because that is what the meds are designed to do. That is why over diagnosis is such a huge problem in America, there is a deep plot by the liberals to subdue female sex drive, that way they can be free from the evil whims of men. My girlfriend(now wife) immediately got hornier as soon as she was off her “depression” meds, and guess what? No change to her mental state whatsoever. Young people with racing thoughts who haven’t quite grasped who they are get told that they have something wrong with their brain and they get given magic pills that end up changing nothing but their sex drive.
Serious question here. Is she on any type of depression meds or anything like that? There have been several case studies that show a severe drop in libido levels when one is on those meds.
This is because that is what the meds are designed to do. That is why over diagnosis is such a huge problem in America, there is a deep plot by the liberals to subdue female sex drive, that way they can be free from the evil whims of men. My girlfriend(now wife) immediately got hornier as soon as she was off her “depression” meds, and guess what? No change to her mental state whatsoever. Young people with racing thoughts who haven’t quite grasped who they are get told that they have something wrong with their brain and they get given magic pills that end up changing nothing but their sex drive.
Maybe I should take those meds as a guy. I'm not trying to be sarcastic either. Sex is pointless and I spend WAY too much time thinking about it. I imagine what I could do if I wasn't always thinking about it.
I'm new here, but I've been dealing with sexual frustrations in my marriage for quite some time now. (Sorry, kind of a long read i guess)
My wife and I have been married 3 years this May. We've been living together almost 5 years now. I am 29, and she's 31.
Before we moved in together, we'd see each other only on the weekends. School/work/distance really kept us occupied during the week. We would have sex very often in those 2 days. I completely understood that upon moving in together, the sex frequency would decline. It's a given. But I didn't think it'd be this bad, plus, it's more than just the frequency.
For the last 2 years I'd say, our sex life has been bad. I honestly cannot remember the last time she wanted to have sex with me. I am always the initiator. Always. When we do have sex, however, its great. I last a long time. We both are very very satisfied afterwards. But let's say I ask for sex on Tuesday, I get the "not tonight", or "tomorrow" and the procrastination continues for 4-5 days until she's ready, or until she gets her period and I have no choice but to wait more days. Sometimes it feels like she deliberately waited until she got her period because it gives her an excuse for declining. It makes me feel like sex is a tedious chore to her. There was one point where I didn't ask her at all to see how far it would go, and it went 4 months until we spoke about it.
I've tried every method. I tried being dirty, role playing, seductive, romantic, sweet, sexting to outright saying "can we have sex tonight?" Every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful. We laugh, we joke, we fight, I cook, she cooks, she watches football and basketball because I do, and I watch American Idol and Glee with her. I'm an early riser, she sleeps in, I make her breakfast on days off. We respect each other.
About a year ago, I decided to keep a log on when we had sex. Not counting oral sex. From March '11 to March '12, it totaled 18 times. Averages to 1.5 times a month.
One day I was looking under the bed for something I lost and found a dildo. She happened to be sitting right there. I was kind of upset, not that she's pleasuring herself, but more so that it's such a struggle to get her to have sex with me and she's masturbating anyway and getting pleasure there.
About a month and a half before my log concluded, I went on a "no ask for sex" run to see if she would ask me or initiate anything. Not to my surprise, she didn't. I sat her down and we spoke about the issue at hand, and she was surprised at how little we had sex for that year, and how long it's been since we had sex the last time. We discussed everything, and she was definitely aware it was an issue, but not that it was that severe. (for the record, this was definitely not the first conversation we've had about this).
We spoke about it and she really vowed to make an effort to work on that part of our relationship. I told her I'm not asking for sex every single night, but I don't think 1.5x a month is healthy, and on top of that, she never seems to want it enough to ask me. I told her either she doesn't find me attractive anymore, or she's getting it from someone else. My wife is faithful to me, as I am to her, and we both know that, but I said if someone were just reading the facts, they'd likely conclude that she is cheating on me. She is a young healthy woman. I also said that I never cheated on you nor will I ever, but I can understand why a man could.
I was under the impression that she would make an effort in the past 5-6 weeks since we had this talk, but I believe it's gotten worse now!! Still, she hasn't shown any interest, we had sex 3 times since then, just about average. But now, instead of great, lengthy sex, she just pulls her pants down, doesn't even face me, and we have a quickie in the spooning position. No foreplay whatsoever anymore. Doesn't even take her shirt off. I had to really focus on staying aroused and finishing, that's how boring it was.
So I'm at a point now, I've spoken to her multiple times, tried every method to arouse her, and not offering her doesn't seem to make her want it anymore either. And on top of that, I can't even look at a pretty celebrity on a magazine cover without her making a comment or getting jealous. Just the other day I saw a girl in the street that looked like an actress on a TV show we watch together. I mentioned it and she got upset and jealous because she knows I think the actress is pretty, therefore, I found the girl on the street pretty as well. She made a big deal out of it.
So this is my dilemma, I have no idea how to approach this otherwise. Anyone??
Did you marry for the sex or for the person she is?
I'm new here, but I've been dealing with sexual frustrations in my marriage for quite some time now. (Sorry, kind of a long read i guess)
My wife and I have been married 3 years this May. We've been living together almost 5 years now. I am 29, and she's 31.
Before we moved in together, we'd see each other only on the weekends. School/work/distance really kept us occupied during the week. We would have sex very often in those 2 days. I completely understood that upon moving in together, the sex frequency would decline. It's a given. But I didn't think it'd be this bad, plus, it's more than just the frequency.
For the last 2 years I'd say, our sex life has been bad. I honestly cannot remember the last time she wanted to have sex with me. I am always the initiator. Always. When we do have sex, however, its great. I last a long time. We both are very very satisfied afterwards. But let's say I ask for sex on Tuesday, I get the "not tonight", or "tomorrow" and the procrastination continues for 4-5 days until she's ready, or until she gets her period and I have no choice but to wait more days. Sometimes it feels like she deliberately waited until she got her period because it gives her an excuse for declining. It makes me feel like sex is a tedious chore to her. There was one point where I didn't ask her at all to see how far it would go, and it went 4 months until we spoke about it.
I've tried every method. I tried being dirty, role playing, seductive, romantic, sweet, sexting to outright saying "can we have sex tonight?" Every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful. We laugh, we joke, we fight, I cook, she cooks, she watches football and basketball because I do, and I watch American Idol and Glee with her. I'm an early riser, she sleeps in, I make her breakfast on days off. We respect each other.
About a year ago, I decided to keep a log on when we had sex. Not counting oral sex. From March '11 to March '12, it totaled 18 times. Averages to 1.5 times a month.
One day I was looking under the bed for something I lost and found a dildo. She happened to be sitting right there. I was kind of upset, not that she's pleasuring herself, but more so that it's such a struggle to get her to have sex with me and she's masturbating anyway and getting pleasure there.
About a month and a half before my log concluded, I went on a "no ask for sex" run to see if she would ask me or initiate anything. Not to my surprise, she didn't. I sat her down and we spoke about the issue at hand, and she was surprised at how little we had sex for that year, and how long it's been since we had sex the last time. We discussed everything, and she was definitely aware it was an issue, but not that it was that severe. (for the record, this was definitely not the first conversation we've had about this).
We spoke about it and she really vowed to make an effort to work on that part of our relationship. I told her I'm not asking for sex every single night, but I don't think 1.5x a month is healthy, and on top of that, she never seems to want it enough to ask me. I told her either she doesn't find me attractive anymore, or she's getting it from someone else. My wife is faithful to me, as I am to her, and we both know that, but I said if someone were just reading the facts, they'd likely conclude that she is cheating on me. She is a young healthy woman. I also said that I never cheated on you nor will I ever, but I can understand why a man could.
I was under the impression that she would make an effort in the past 5-6 weeks since we had this talk, but I believe it's gotten worse now!! Still, she hasn't shown any interest, we had sex 3 times since then, just about average. But now, instead of great, lengthy sex, she just pulls her pants down, doesn't even face me, and we have a quickie in the spooning position. No foreplay whatsoever anymore. Doesn't even take her shirt off. I had to really focus on staying aroused and finishing, that's how boring it was.
So I'm at a point now, I've spoken to her multiple times, tried every method to arouse her, and not offering her doesn't seem to make her want it anymore either. And on top of that, I can't even look at a pretty celebrity on a magazine cover without her making a comment or getting jealous. Just the other day I saw a girl in the street that looked like an actress on a TV show we watch together. I mentioned it and she got upset and jealous because she knows I think the actress is pretty, therefore, I found the girl on the street pretty as well. She made a big deal out of it.
So this is my dilemma, I have no idea how to approach this otherwise. Anyone??
I know this is a really old thread and there's the whole PNSO thread, but I am 34 and have sex literally like 4x PER WEEK, multiple women. If you are moderately fit, moderately attractive, have your life and career together, you should absolutely be able to pull women to the point you're having sex 1-2 times per week at least as an unmarried man. I honestly cannot imagine living life like in the OP. That sounds like subsisting on rice and water. It's just not healthy or sustainable long term. I would say to anyone who finds themselves in this position, you need to either rekindle things with your wife, agree to let you get some elsewhere, or divorce. No human with any kind of healthy sex drive should have to live this way.
I have good news and bad news. The good news is my wife went through a period like this in her mid 30 when we had babies and toddlers. Once a month good enough sex was standard for about 3 years. HOWEVER, the youngest turned 2 and it improved. Then, when she was 39, it was like a switch flipped and she went went crazy wanting sex, like a 20 year old guy. So we are in our 40s now and it is better than ever. Never dreamed it could be like this.
The bad news is that it sounds like you don’t even have kids yet so that doesn’t bode well for her libido if you ever do have them
I'm new here, but I've been dealing with sexual frustrations in my marriage for quite some time now. (Sorry, kind of a long read i guess)
My wife and I have been married 3 years this May. We've been living together almost 5 years now. I am 29, and she's 31.
Before we moved in together, we'd see each other only on the weekends. School/work/distance really kept us occupied during the week. We would have sex very often in those 2 days. I completely understood that upon moving in together, the sex frequency would decline. It's a given. But I didn't think it'd be this bad, plus, it's more than just the frequency.
For the last 2 years I'd say, our sex life has been bad. I honestly cannot remember the last time she wanted to have sex with me. I am always the initiator. Always. When we do have sex, however, its great. I last a long time. We both are very very satisfied afterwards. But let's say I ask for sex on Tuesday, I get the "not tonight", or "tomorrow" and the procrastination continues for 4-5 days until she's ready, or until she gets her period and I have no choice but to wait more days. Sometimes it feels like she deliberately waited until she got her period because it gives her an excuse for declining. It makes me feel like sex is a tedious chore to her. There was one point where I didn't ask her at all to see how far it would go, and it went 4 months until we spoke about it.
I've tried every method. I tried being dirty, role playing, seductive, romantic, sweet, sexting to outright saying "can we have sex tonight?" Every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful. We laugh, we joke, we fight, I cook, she cooks, she watches football and basketball because I do, and I watch American Idol and Glee with her. I'm an early riser, she sleeps in, I make her breakfast on days off. We respect each other.
About a year ago, I decided to keep a log on when we had sex. Not counting oral sex. From March '11 to March '12, it totaled 18 times. Averages to 1.5 times a month.
One day I was looking under the bed for something I lost and found a dildo. She happened to be sitting right there. I was kind of upset, not that she's pleasuring herself, but more so that it's such a struggle to get her to have sex with me and she's masturbating anyway and getting pleasure there.
About a month and a half before my log concluded, I went on a "no ask for sex" run to see if she would ask me or initiate anything. Not to my surprise, she didn't. I sat her down and we spoke about the issue at hand, and she was surprised at how little we had sex for that year, and how long it's been since we had sex the last time. We discussed everything, and she was definitely aware it was an issue, but not that it was that severe. (for the record, this was definitely not the first conversation we've had about this).
We spoke about it and she really vowed to make an effort to work on that part of our relationship. I told her I'm not asking for sex every single night, but I don't think 1.5x a month is healthy, and on top of that, she never seems to want it enough to ask me. I told her either she doesn't find me attractive anymore, or she's getting it from someone else. My wife is faithful to me, as I am to her, and we both know that, but I said if someone were just reading the facts, they'd likely conclude that she is cheating on me. She is a young healthy woman. I also said that I never cheated on you nor will I ever, but I can understand why a man could.
I was under the impression that she would make an effort in the past 5-6 weeks since we had this talk, but I believe it's gotten worse now!! Still, she hasn't shown any interest, we had sex 3 times since then, just about average. But now, instead of great, lengthy sex, she just pulls her pants down, doesn't even face me, and we have a quickie in the spooning position. No foreplay whatsoever anymore. Doesn't even take her shirt off. I had to really focus on staying aroused and finishing, that's how boring it was.
So I'm at a point now, I've spoken to her multiple times, tried every method to arouse her, and not offering her doesn't seem to make her want it anymore either. And on top of that, I can't even look at a pretty celebrity on a magazine cover without her making a comment or getting jealous. Just the other day I saw a girl in the street that looked like an actress on a TV show we watch together. I mentioned it and she got upset and jealous because she knows I think the actress is pretty, therefore, I found the girl on the street pretty as well. She made a big deal out of it.
So this is my dilemma, I have no idea how to approach this otherwise. Anyone??
If this confession is representative of your style of love-making Who can blame her?
I truly don’t know how many men are aware of this and maybe it’s been said before in this thread, but any type of hormonal contraceptives (pill, ring, IUD, patch, implant) can severely adversely effect libido in A LOT of women, not all, but many. If she’s on any of them, there is a strong possibility that’s a big piece of the issue. This never seems to cross men’s minds.
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