How devastating is it to find out your high school teenage daughter is having sex?

My analogies are valid. Shocking perhaps, but no less valid. If it is the "shocking" part that bothers you, then I can see why so many are irritated. But you can't possibly be bothered by the reasoning.

candela - great way to spend your Sunday, eh?

Bone of a Lonely Heart wrote:

candela - great way to spend your Sunday, eh?

Beats doing a lab report.

I believe that at 16, nobody is in a position to give themselves up emotionally to someone else.

candela wrote:

I'm anticipating your counterargument -- you're thinking what if society manages to completely eliminate STDs and accidental pregnancies with 100% effectiveness? Then I would agree -- it is no longer impractical (ignoring the moral issue again). But due to the failure of humanity to accomplish many simple tasks, I think it is a near certainty that there will ALWAYS be a high rate of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

I don't think that anyone can argue against you here. Sex comes with risks. Teenagers are less prepared to deal with these risks and the impact of an unwanted pregnancy is greater on a 16 year old than say even a 22 year old.

Even a well-educated teenager is at risk.

Like others have said above, teenagers will always have sex. They have for thousands of years and they will continue to have it. The best thing a parent can do is educate their kid.

Sorry, did not read all the post but if it was my daughter, I would be devastated. But if it happens, what can you do? I just hope that I have taught my daughter right in telling her to wait until marriage or at least until she finds the person she intends to spend her life with....very tough situation. Who says having children is easy to raise? Urrgghh....not looking forward to 'teen years"!

Okay, in response to Candela, there are two different opinions going on this argument. One person is obviously religious, and one is not.

Both of your responses are right. If you believe that sexual intercourse is bad, then by all means it is.

If you believe that it isn't bad, then fine.

Everyone has a different perspective on things. A psychotic pedophile's idea of what's right wrong is extremely different than a Bishop of a church. Of course, the pedophile's idea of right will most likely conflict with the law, which, unless you like jail, means you can't do it without external consequences.

In my experience, the social norm sees sexual intercourse during teenager years a very "normal" thing. Is this right or wrong? Depends on what your beliefs are.

However, on a physical evidence basis, you must admit that sexual intercourse is not wrong, and if anything, can be very stress relieving and helps an individual enjoy life. If you take things on a religious basis, then this is obviously different.

You're both right.

Except I'm no longer arguing the point on a moral basis, but a practical one. If one person says that something is impractical and the other person says that is not impractical, both cannot be correct.

Candela, I've read some of your responses and while I do disagree with your take on this one (pre-marital sex being immoral, etc), you also strike me as reasonably intelligent and someone I could have a frank discussion with regarding this. I generally feel the posted replies don't serve the purpose of fostering a real discussion between two people, but I'd be interested to have one. I never post on here, but I'm wondering if there is a way we could discuss this privately away from this message board. Do you know of a way to exchange e-mail without giving it to everyone else?

Bone of a Lonely Heart wrote:

candela - great way to spend your Sunday, eh?

candela wrote:

Beats doing a lab report.

wait...how old are you?

Facebook Phil wrote:

wait...how old are you?

22 ... why, how old are you?

candela wrote:

Facebook Phil wrote:

wait...how old are you?

22 ... why, how old are you?

You sound like you're over 100 years. You must be a blast to hang out with.

Science wrote:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17236611

Article showing premarital sex trends over the last half century

There's only been a few posts discussing this, but it's gone from my 16 year old teenager is having sex to premarital sex in general. Looking at the graphs, it looks like 30% of 16 year olds are sexually active, thus, no, she is not in the majority (Coincidentally, I pass a billboard every day that says 30% of teenagers think it's okay to binge drink, but I digress). If I found out my soph/junior in high school daughter was having sex, I'd probably go about as described by the previous poster. Talk about the disappointment, but now she's made an adult decision, so she can start doing things adults do. Gas, insurance, extra spending money, etc. Personally, I did have premarital sex, but it was after high school, and with the girl I would end up marrying.

a young person older than you wrote:

You sound like you're over 100 years. You must be a blast to hang out with.

You don't sound like the type I'd enjoy hanging out with either, so you don't have to worry.

Facebook Phil wrote:

wait...how old are you?

candela wrote:

22 ... why, how old are you?

45 and a parent

What possibly qualifies you to give advice about the sexual mores of teenagers...other than you were, up until recently, one of them

candela wrote:

Well, if you're religious, then what is moral and immoral is specified by religious codes, and you can use that religion to determine whether act X is good or bad.

I'm assuming you're religious, in which case...

"And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination." - Leviticus 11:10-11

Do you eat shrimp?

williams.edu wrote:

...If I found out my soph/junior in high school daughter was having sex, I'd probably go about as described by the previous poster. Talk about the disappointment, but now she's made an adult decision, so she can start doing things adults do. Gas, insurance, extra spending money, etc. Personally, I did have premarital sex, but it was after high school, and with the girl I would end up marrying.

You must not like having a relationship with your children, or you don't know anything about parenting. I've known many people who all but cut their parents out of their lives for doing such things. Like someone said before, a 16 year old is two years from 18, and once 18, they don't have to listen to you (or have anything to do with you) if they don't want to. Often times the harder the parent tries to control their children with their ridiculous morals, the harder the child rebels and ends up on the opposite end of the spectrum. I thought this was common knowledge.

Rates of premarital sex in the US haven't changed much since 1950s.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17236611

Abstinence does not work, but sex education does to some extent:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18346659

And as of 1998 a clear minority in the US disapprove of premarital sex (I imagine this trend has continued):

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.01009.x/full

As a parent with two daughters, I am going with the educational/real life/scientific approach. The moral approach increases their chances of getting pregnant.

two cents wrote:

I'm assuming you're religious, in which case...

"And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination." - Leviticus 11:10-11

Do you eat shrimp?

Did you read all of my posts, or just the ones that suit you? My argument for the immorality of premarital sex is NOT based upon a religion. You see that button on your browser that looks like a back arrow? Press it, then go read my posts.

Besides, I'm no longer arguing on a moral basis because it leads to too many relativistic arguments, which are a pain to defend.