This is downright stupid and a sad reason to have your life ruined. You are given one life. Why ruin it with unhappiness. You can only control you. You cannot control someone else's behavior and how they treat you. People should not jump at the first sign of trouble but to live for 20 years in a marriage with no passion is just sad.
boitinboto wrote:
Vows mean nothing anymore. How can someone who initiates divorce exchange vows with anyone else again and have any credibility? Obviously had your fingers crossed behind your back the first time. If your spouse isn't cheating on or physically abusing you, work it out. Live up to your vows. Marriage has its ups and downs, and it can get tough from time to time, but you communicate and help each other. You shouldn't stand up in front of witnesses and make those vows if in the back of your mind you're saying "if she ceases to make ME happy, I'll exchange her for another one." Shallow character. Lying in front of friends and family. Why would they show up for a second wedding? You didn't mean it the first time!
Unbelievable.
She was verbally abusing me and making my life hell. I put my foot down, over and over again to this woman and it would further infuriate her. I attempted to keep my frame. She trashed my family, my friends, my hobbies.
I never said a harsh word to this woman until the very end. Always complimenting her, her friends, her family. Her dad called me the perfect son-in-law.
I encouraged her to seek hobbies and she would never get off the damn couch. I LOVED this woman and she would literally shudder when I leaned over to kiss her cheek.
She got fat while I worked my down to 8% body fat and lifted weights, and pushed away flirty college interns because I was devoted to her.
I made double her salary and put us in a nice, brand new home in the suburbs. I kept up my end.
How am I lacking credibility?
She quit on me, and three months after divorce, she is f*cking a co-worker.
You tell me who the shallow character is...
LetsRun is not the place to work out your relationships. People who do such things have a bit of a problem communicating in real life. Advice: don't get married to someone until you've been with them at least two years, and lived with them one. Advice 2: take "until death do us part" out of your wedding vows. 50% are gonna take it back some day. That way there won't be any credibility issues. On f*cking someone else 3 months after divorce. What's wrong with that? You divorced her. What do you care?
Dude you first posted this 2 years ago. Time to move on. It is tough.
buncat wrote:
boitinboto wrote:If your spouse isn't cheating on or physically abusing you, work it out.
There are other reasons for divorce. Marriage is a two-way street and both partners need to work at it. If one of the partners decides to withhold intimacy and affection and refuses to make any effort to emotionally engage or communicate in a meaningful or constructive way there is not a lot the other person can do.
If it comes to the point where only one partner is willing to work at it, at some point they may have to just cut their loses. Obviously, most situations are more complex, but unless you have been there don't be so quick to judge.
But you VOWED to stick by the side of your spouse in the tough times until death do you part. If you divorced your spouse when it got tough, you didn't really mean what you vowed. How can you have any credibility next time? Or the third time? Or the fourth? Can you really say it and mean it? Won't it be in the back of your mind "I bailed last time (or last two times), this is just lip service"?
Hopefully he can learn from these mistakes and pick a better woman next time. Although it appears he has no interest in having a family or a wife anymore, which is okay. Get back into running shape or something, dude!
Good work on the divorce. She's the type of person who will always be miserable.
Dude you won. I was in similar situation and had a child and it was horrible so I ended it after 4 years. I paid out of my butt for 14 years monthly to her and it was a pain. My ex used to say I want to quit work and drive a Volvo like other women in town. She gained 60 lbs in our three years of marriage. I've been happily married for 18 years now and things are good.
You had no kids and you got out and she is someone else's problem.
You won !!!!!!! Move on and drop the baggage from her and be fresh !!!
Most people realize vows are just lip service. They mean it at the time full aware that things may change by hoping they don't.
VOWelsForever wrote:
buncat wrote:There are other reasons for divorce. Marriage is a two-way street and both partners need to work at it. If one of the partners decides to withhold intimacy and affection and refuses to make any effort to emotionally engage or communicate in a meaningful or constructive way there is not a lot the other person can do.
If it comes to the point where only one partner is willing to work at it, at some point they may have to just cut their loses. Obviously, most situations are more complex, but unless you have been there don't be so quick to judge.
But you VOWED to stick by the side of your spouse in the tough times until death do you part. If you divorced your spouse when it got tough, you didn't really mean what you vowed. How can you have any credibility next time? Or the third time? Or the fourth? Can you really say it and mean it? Won't it be in the back of your mind "I bailed last time (or last two times), this is just lip service"?
Ninetonite wrote:
You are young, there are no children involved and it is easy to get divorced in such a situation. So do it, now. She is an unhappy person and you are not going to be able to have a happy life with her. So get out now while you can.
This...
Get out NOW!
justa advize wrote:
Get out NOW!
I did. Read the thread starting around page 6.
Eh...you shouldn't care what she puts in her hoo-ha now. You are done with her and all the headache. You made your decision and that door is long closed. Don't hope she turns on him like she did on you. Try not to think about her at all.
I am not too far from where you were two years ago. Wife was once a good runner but after getting married gained weight, depression set in, and sex drive diminished and now hates herself for how she let herself go. Women...wtf.
She encourages me to run and is okay if I do things on my own but she is glued to the couch. She is trying to get help but it doesn't seem to help and is paying a ton for counseling that we could be using to spend on vacations or activities that would be fun. The meds she is on and talking and talking about stuff doesn't seem to help get her to get out of the house or get her to exercise so she can lose some weight and start feeling better about herself, but I am not psychiatrist.
Hey man, crazy story. I like the guy who said you did the right thing, look forward to the girls out there, and keep running.Letsrun: where other people's harsh realities serve as both life lessons and a hell of a way to spend 45 minutes. (Plus nice asides on workout schedules and the like.)
Norman B. wrote:
I did. Read the thread starting around page 6.
Just read the whole thread. Nothing to add, other than you seem like a stand up guy, OP, and I wish you all the best.
Divorce is not to be taken likely, but it serves a useful purpose. Sounds like you made the right decision...good luck.
Bro, After One-hundred and fifty posts, you should know what to do by now? Don't ya think? After reading your first post, I say LEAVE!
Norman B. wrote:
justa advize wrote:Get out NOW!
I did. Read the thread starting around page 6.
Been there, but not anymore.
You are not all the way out. Not when you are ruminating on how hard it is and what she is doing. You are idealizing her based on the partial info you have about her new BF. You lived the reality and THAT was worth getting away from.
Got to just let it go. And that means ACTION, not thought. Do cool stuff with your life; hang out with cool people and beautiful, fun women. Run just to run. You'll be over it in a heartbeat.
Norman B. wrote:
She chose a beta,
Am I the only one that caught this gem?
It's a good thing you divorced her, brah. Now she can go and be with a man as opposed to a bro like yourself. No wonder she was so down during your marriage.
these guy in here staying stick to your vows lmaoo. I don't know why people think marriage is a bed of roses and a fairy tale. Before you get married ask yourself if you can deal with your spouse and her mood swings with her weighing 100 pounds heavier and never having sex. If you can deal with that scenario and you get along go ahead and marry her and you have a best friend for life. Tired of hearing friends whine and cry because they get no sex or their woman got fat. What the heck did you expect in a marriage for her to turn into a super model and become a porn star? LoL Out of all the people I know who are married im convinced they only are to "fit in" and worried about what other people think its just ridiculous.
Norman B. wrote:
My wife hates her job. She's tried to apply for other positions around the city but hasn't had any luck. She is not on her intended career path will often take her anger home.
...
She is also pushing for a child NOW because all of her friends are pregnant and or have had children and she doesn't want to be over 35 and have a risky pregnancy.
Thoughts? Thanks.
Norman
It sounds like you have made the correct but difficult decisions over the past couple of years. You gave what you could to the marriage but you are both better off apart. Be very glad you did not end up having kids with her. Good luck going forward.
Is it too early for jokes? If so stop reading here.
At least it sounds like she is enjoying her job now.