How to deal with people that make sexual remarks on group runs?

my name is Goober wrote:

I’m just laughing at the phrase ‘tongue punch your fart box.’

it starts out funny, then you have a sore throat for a day or so.

aoijfoidjf wrote:

Runningart2004 wrote:

That is actually sexual harrassment

Nonsense. "Sexual Harassment" should be reserved only for physical contact that isn't wanted. Not jokes, comments, hanging nudes at work, none of that. The world has gotten soft.

The law does not agree with you nor do numerous court decisions. In fact much of society disagrees with it. Physical contact is assault (or battery).

"Words are words" is like "sticks and stones...". So you have never had your feelings hurt by something someone has said to you? Never gotten down because a girl you asked out said "no". I mean "no" is just a word.

Sticks and stones was always stupid! No idea who came up with the idea that words don't hurt.

If a woman called you a small, limped d1ck a hole, would you just let that roll off you? No!

samcallan wrote:

Pole Mic wrote:

What ever happened to "sticks and stones" adage we were all taught when younger? Why doesn't that sage advice apply any more? It's been stompled.

Ever since the Wokes took over contemporary society, it's straight to alleged hurt feelings, virtue-signaling, lawsuits, blackballing and cancellation. Is this what we want in America, the land of Freedom? A society where you have to go around anxious over what Karen or Brandon is going to sue you for thought crimes?

Sticks and stones was always stupid! No idea who came up with the idea that words don't hurt.

If a woman called you a small, limped d1ck a hole, would you just let that roll off you? No!

I'm pretty sure most of everything you ever say could be in one ear and out the other, no worries, little interest.

A number of these things tend to simply sort themselves out. We're not going to want to run with people we don't like anyway.

Word gets round. Some women will be avoiding your club due to these guys. Remember you may not have heard the worst remarks. I certainly would avoid your club because of this. I would find this bad behaviour at a nightclub or in online dating, where I might be actually looking more to the social side of things, its definitely not something I'd want to put up with in a running club. The guys on here defending this don't realise how uncomfortable or even unsafe it makes us feel. I would actually label those guys as having behavioural problems if they are behaving like that - they can't control themselves or be respectful towards women. Maybe their parents didn't bring them up properly or something.

Theres a club in my area which does have a bit of a reputation but its nowhere near as bad as this. One of their members did harass me (I'm not even a member of the same club) so I contacted the club leader and asked him to sort it out. =The endless unanswered messages he had been sending me on social media stopped. This guy had a fiance. Peer pressure works. But when its 2 or 3 guys, I don't know. I think you have to ask them for their side, see if they will admit it and then kick them out if they don't stop making women uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, long distance running seems to draw in some quite odd people! Unfortunately, some guys see life as a general dating opportunity, despite their being married, having their wife and kids with them, on their way to their wedding, etc.. Its pretty embarrassing for them because a lot of women laugh about them behind their backs.

samcallan wrote:

Pole Mic wrote:

What ever happened to "sticks and stones" adage we were all taught when younger? Why doesn't that sage advice apply any more? It's been stompled.

Ever since the Wokes took over contemporary society, it's straight to alleged hurt feelings, virtue-signaling, lawsuits, blackballing and cancellation. Is this what we want in America, the land of Freedom? A society where you have to go around anxious over what Karen or Brandon is going to sue you for thought crimes?

Sticks and stones was always stupid! No idea who came up with the idea that words don't hurt.

It must have been explained to you wrong. The "sticks and stones" advice is acknowledging that words can hurt, and advising a person to try not to let them, and not to react to them, because they are just words from a person whose opinions and comments you presumably don't otherwise care about.

It's good advice and not stupid, although it sure seems to be highly controversial on this board for some bizarre reason.

llort_vbo wrote:

GD wrote: Predatory people gradually push boundaries to see what other people tolerate. It's important to draw the line early and firmly.

Honest-to-goodness predators are really rare. Do you sure that you don’t completely pathologize behavior that is merely uncouth and/or anti-social.

If you constantly raise the alarm, it provides cover for those who truly need to be outed and known as predators. You risk letting them hide in the uncouth group.

Who says I'm "constantly raising the alarm.? I said that they're probably just jackasses, but maybe they aren't. Many women are afraid to confront men on their bad behavior. This may be just conflict avoidance (women tend to be more agreeable vs. assertive in social situations) or fear of escalating threats--maybe even violence. Most women walk around with low level fear of predators, despite their rarily. Why? Predators tend to victimize a lot of girls and women, so most women have either been preyed upon or have close family/friends who have experienced violence or aggression from men. This fear sometimes prevents women from acting in their own best interest.

I'm saying that the OP should confront the guys for two reasons. First is becaue they're probably harmless jerks who were unaware of how their behavior is affecting others. Second, if they are the rare sinister type, the confrontation tactic may also be effective because sociopaths frequently start with low level offenses and up the ante if they don't encounter resistance.

samcallan wrote:

aoijfoidjf wrote:

Nonsense. "Sexual Harassment" should be reserved only for physical contact that isn't wanted. Not jokes, comments, hanging nudes at work, none of that. The world has gotten soft.

The law does not agree with you nor do numerous court decisions. In fact much of society disagrees with it. Physical contact is assault (or battery).

"Words are words" is like "sticks and stones...". So you have never had your feelings hurt by something someone has said to you? Never gotten down because a girl you asked out said "no". I mean "no" is just a word.

Nope. No one has ever said anything to make me feel less secure in myself. I just don't give others that kind of power.

aoijfoidjf wrote:

samcallan wrote:

The law does not agree with you nor do numerous court decisions. In fact much of society disagrees with it. Physical contact is assault (or battery).

"Words are words" is like "sticks and stones...". So you have never had your feelings hurt by something someone has said to you? Never gotten down because a girl you asked out said "no". I mean "no" is just a word.

Nope. No one has ever said anything to make me feel less secure in myself. I just don't give others that kind of power.

You just did by defending yourself on the racist website Letsrun.com. welcome to the world of being cucked.

Some interesting perspectives in this thread. My friend always used to say outrageous stuff for laughs, and to be sure it was hilarious.

A girl walked by and he said "look at that! In two minutes I'd be necking with her crapper". Great stuff.

doping apologist wrote:

You just did by defending yourself on the racist website Letsrun.com. welcome to the world of being cucked.

Move along now. Nutters are 5 doors to the right.

What's the politically correct way to ask, "How might i get stuck in that Chinese finger trap?" Has some other culture yet insisted that the Chinese in fact appropriated their trap?

"A lot of women laugh about them behind their backs."

You see, this is the same thing as the OP posted about but a more indirect form. The toxic gossip. It is still toxic behavior though. Words matter, whether directly or indirectly. Because if you're talking bad about a person, then other may think, "if they're saying this about them, what are they saying about me (behind my back)?" Petty, locker room gossip in toxic in all forms. And both men and women are guilty of it. Words matter. For the sake of everyone's mental health and well being.

The flip side......just switch men with women in your statement.

"in fact if MEN are talking about WOMEN on a run,its often providing support for a MAN who's getting treated like crap by his WIFE or GIRLFRIEND.