Just lol at a bunch of low t nerdy liberal distance runners whining about their wives being disgusted to have sex with them (over 70 pages worth).
When you are an actual alpha male your wife WILL want to have sex with you. I'm sorry but it's true.
Been married 11 years and no issues. Sure it was less frequent during pregnancies and newborn baby time but that's normal.
The fact some of you men put up with it astounds me.
Incel.
Why is he an incel? Because he has an opinion you disagree with? Why not address his points and explain why you disagree, rather than calling other people names.
This post was edited 2 minutes after it was posted.
Reason provided:
More explanation
So I'm 41 and girls think I'm attractive and look young. I'm very fit and very muscular (ex-runner who works out more... more cut than Ryan Hall but not as bulky). I am still learning about all of this myself but here are my thoughts after all these years. For years, I thought my wife simply had a low sex drive but here is what I've come up with the big 3 that I think can improve your sex life:
1. Women are more complicated. It's like starting a fire naturally. Conditions need to be met, managed, and secured. Routine maintenance needs to be made and kept up with for extended time periods. Basically meeting/exceeding expectations with house and kids at a minimal. Extra points for any time you can make her feel like you are looking out for her and taking care of her. Make the bed. Buy her small things. Listening. Invite her on dates. Cook/cleaning etc. Guys will immediately think "oh, I did those things and still nothing." It's not like that. This is just expected and it's not just once. It's a long term commitment. You will never see get sex for any one of these things. This is just the fabric that helps set the conditions imo.
2. Similar to above, a long-term commitment to doing better about listening, hugging, and touching her back.. smiling when she comes in the door. This is big. Think about if every time you or her come in the door, you share something wrong. Think about when you come home and a dog is happy to see you, wagging it's tail and smiling. You need to try to be that dog. Don't tell her about a bill that didn't get paid right when she walks in the door. Just take care of it. Wag your tail. Do the things she wants to do and that make her happy. I'm not a church guy. For me, the only benefit of Church is sort of some quiet time. Guess what, we are now going to Church. Do the things that make her happy.
3. Hardest to hear for us guys but you need to please her. Many females are more complicated with sex as well. If you got a girl that gets off easy, consider yourself lucky. To use a running analogy, for many of them it's a marathon. There's no, let's just get a few miles in. I personally believe that leads to disappointment and they simply won't want to do it very much if at all. So figure out how to please her all the way on a consistent basis and be prepared to do this or some other way, every time you engage in activity.
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One other thing. My wife never initiates. If you think you do these things and it will just start working.. prob not. You still need to initiate. My wife just doesn't feel comfortable initiating. Maybe insecurity about her body, maybe busy, maybe she thinks it's the guy's role. I don't know. Prob some mix of all of the above. I can't really change that. I just continue to have to initiate.
A single unmarried guy doesn't have to do any of this. They may read this and say all of this is crazy. They can just go hook up. Also, a guy with a unicorn girl (i've dated some) may not need to do as much of this either. Some girls simply have a higher sex drive, get off easy, and are less complicated. But I believe the vast majority of women require a lot of the above.
Good advice here.
I've been married for 15 years think of it this way - if she's not interested in sex on any particular day, it's all my fault (except if say she is sick or something). I didn't turn her on, or worse, I turned her off. If at any point in the day I think, I'd love to have sex today, I'll basically treat her for the rest of the day as a really good friend, who i've never had sex with, but want to THAT day. You have to do things, communicate with her, verbal and non-verbal, all in ways that will give her that spark of sexual attraction for YOU. Make her happy, feel protected, stood up for, sexually turned-on, connected to you, get some good flirting on, look good, dress well etc etc... all stuff you'd do to sexually attract ANY woman, but with this one you should have a VERY good idea of what works, know how she communicates etc. It should be very easy if you have any social skills and ability to attract women. Do that well and you're going to get a great night of sex. Don't do it at all, then why would she or SHOULD she even have sex with you that day/night?
I strongly disagree! Thinking the problem is all your fault is the mentality of an abused spouse. You and the the gentleman you quoted are being emotionally abused. Wake up!
It takes two to tango, and your wife needs to share in the responsibility of keeping the flame going. If she doesn’t, then it’s time to either open up the relationship or leave her.
I strongly disagree! Thinking the problem is all your fault is the mentality of an abused spouse. You and the the gentleman you quoted are being emotionally abused. Wake up!
It takes two to tango, and your wife needs to share in the responsibility of keeping the flame going. If she doesn’t, then it’s time to either open up the relationship or leave her.
You are either a beta who can't take responsibility of not being able to sexually attract a woman or your wife, OR you have misread the context. The context was specifically when a man is interested in sex (presumably the woman is keeping up her part), and the woman is not interested. A woman shouldn't force herself into being interested in sex if you can't sexually attract her. What are you, from the 1600s? Be a man and attract your wife!
Whatever happened to relationships being 50-50? Both parties need to do their part. In the quote that you referenced as good advice, the poster said you need to be like a tail-wagging dog to attract your wife. That’s absurd! Hey, if you want to be your wife’s dog in order to get some action, to each his own I guess. A real man doesn’t need to stoop to such lows.
Whatever happened to relationships being 50-50? Both parties need to do their part. In the quote that you referenced as good advice, the poster said you need to be like a tail-wagging dog to attract your wife. That’s absurd! Hey, if you want to be your wife’s dog in order to get some action, to each his own I guess. A real man doesn’t need to stoop to such lows.
I agree, the original post I pointed out as being "good advice" isn't 100% good a and isn't an ideal situation, but is probably good advice for someone not being a real man and not being sexually attractive to their wife. The tips offered were ways one might become attractive to their wife again. If you aren't sexy and attractive to women, simply doing nothing isn't going to change that. I can't agree with all the specifics, but in general you better actually sexually attractive to your wife if you want to be sexually active.
Yes, relationships should be 50-50, but in an scenario the man wants to have sex and the woman doesn't, it clearly isn't 50-50, and the man isn't doing a good enough job to attract his wife.
And simple acts of being sexy isn't "stooping to such lows". If you are a real man it should come naturally when you want to get it on - be yourself and make her want to jump your bones. But clearly, a lot of people on letsrun aren't naturally sexy and able to even attract their own wife.
I’d get rid of her. But I suggest you learn from this. Avoid sex until marriage. It does you no good to run around porking every girl, and then hopefully stumble on a wife at some point. Evaluate a woman’s character without the emotion and hormones of banging. Explain what you expect in a wife. Lots of sex, frequent, and enthusiastic. Explain that this is nonnegotiable.
I think a lot of men are raised to believe that they are not allowed to have standards or requirements for their wives. That they are lucky to have any woman at all, and it’s their job to accept her no matter what she does. But this is not true, and very damaging to the husband and wife. Have standards. Explain what you want. And don’t marry a woman unless you get the answers you’re looking for.
I had never planned on marrying her anyway. She's hot but I'm not attracted to her mentally at all (personality and intelligence). But it's the summer now and I know I'll receive like 5+ angry texts from her friends if I break up with her over text
I had never planned on marrying her anyway. She's hot but I'm not attracted to her mentally at all (personality and intelligence). But it's the summer now and I know I'll receive like 5+ angry texts from her friends if I break up with her over text
Screw her friends. Not literally of course. But why should they matter?
Humble advice. Men have to remain sexually attractive to their wives. This sounds basic but a lot of men neglect it. This doesn’t only mean a strong, relatively lean physique, though it includes that. It means providing as best you can, being decisive, being independent. Your wife needs to know you love her, but not be dependent on her.