Post-nuptial shutoff?

page 69... nice

Huh huh huh Huh huh huh. You said 69. Huh huh huh Huh huh huh

Oh yeah. I heard it too. Heh heh hmm Heh hmm hmm

vaIjean wrote:

page 69... nice

Ah, 69, something the married guys here will see only on this forum thread!

I'm not even married and every woman has already seemed to shut me off.

Hopefully the thread ends here

I have no idea what u guys are talking about - we used to go at it at least 1 time a day for a couple decades, and wife still demands at least 3 times a week, sometimes more.. married almost 40yrs. We are both pretty fit I guess it keeps us young.

mikeh wrote:

Bump for a very serious and very human thread.

When I first saw this thread I thought it was a joke thread, like Coach JS promoting Dancan or Jamin asking about his dating life...nope, it's serious.

It is indeed very serious. People, mostly men, are really suffering here. I don’t know if it’s always been like this throughout human history. I doubt it.

I endured almost three years of sexless marriage before she decided we should divorce.

I visited three different escorts in the first two weeks afterwards. It felt pretty good.

I feel for you all! So many men with dead bedrooms subscribe to my OF.

longtime observer of this thread wrote:

I endured almost three years of sexless marriage before she decided we should divorce.

I visited three different escorts in the first two weeks afterwards. It felt pretty good.

How did you find them? Were you worried about STD or police?

asdf4wfa wrote:

longtime observer of this thread wrote:

I endured almost three years of sexless marriage before she decided we should divorce.

I visited three different escorts in the first two weeks afterwards. It felt pretty good.

How did you find them? Were you worried about STD or police?

Most of the people working in the porn industry (most porn stars also escort) have herpes. It's something that isn't widely discussed, but sort of an inside thing that everyone knows and you just have to deal with it. The porn industry is shady as hell and most of the people working in porn are some very damaged people. They come from sexual abuse, broken families, drug dependency.

I know a girl who worked in that industry. When I lived in the LA area, I became friends with one through a mutual acquaintance. We never hooked up or anything, but she was absolutely beautiful. She was dancing in strip clubs at age 17, doing films at 20. Her biological father sexually abused her and left, her bi-polar mother would bring in random men and sleep with them right in front of her. They lived in absolute squalor. Her home life was so bad that when she was in elementary school, she would not get on the school bus that would take her home and just walk around town, preferring to do anything but go back to her house.

She quit school after her junior year. She had no chance. So she turned to the industry just to survive. She has dealt with alcohol and pill issues, uses weed constantly and is just a mess. She has a son that wants nothing to do with her. I could go on and on about some of the stuff she has told me.

Every time I think about people hiring escorts, I think about this damaged girl. I'm sure other escorts have different stories that might be less grim. Either way, it's rough.

So there's this message board, I'll abbreviate it, TOB, and you can probably find it then.  It's used more in some cities than in others.  There's a wide range on there, low to high, and I went for the highest. Think Suzy Favor Hamilton level. Assume that takes away some of the risk.  If going for the right ones, you may have difficulty getting your first appointment.  They will screen you if doing it right, and on your end, you can see reviews and believe that someone with some volume of reviews would also would be okay.

So I'm 41 and girls think I'm attractive and look young. I'm very fit and very muscular (ex-runner who works out more... more cut than Ryan Hall but not as bulky). I am still learning about all of this myself but here are my thoughts after all these years. For years, I thought my wife simply had a low sex drive but here is what I've come up with the big 3 that I think can improve your sex life:

1. Women are more complicated. It's like starting a fire naturally. Conditions need to be met, managed, and secured. Routine maintenance needs to be made and kept up with for extended time periods. Basically meeting/exceeding expectations with house and kids at a minimal. Extra points for any time you can make her feel like you are looking out for her and taking care of her. Make the bed. Buy her small things. Listening. Invite her on dates. Cook/cleaning etc. Guys will immediately think "oh, I did those things and still nothing." It's not like that. This is just expected and it's not just once. It's a long term commitment. You will never see get sex for any one of these things. This is just the fabric that helps set the conditions imo.

2. Similar to above, a long-term commitment to doing better about listening, hugging, and touching her back.. smiling when she comes in the door. This is big. Think about if every time you or her come in the door, you share something wrong. Think about when you come home and a dog is happy to see you, wagging it's tail and smiling. You need to try to be that dog. Don't tell her about a bill that didn't get paid right when she walks in the door. Just take care of it. Wag your tail. Do the things she wants to do and that make her happy. I'm not a church guy. For me, the only benefit of Church is sort of some quiet time. Guess what, we are now going to Church. Do the things that make her happy.

3. Hardest to hear for us guys but you need to please her. Many females are more complicated with sex as well. If you got a girl that gets off easy, consider yourself lucky. To use a running analogy, for many of them it's a marathon. There's no, let's just get a few miles in. I personally believe that leads to disappointment and they simply won't want to do it very much if at all. So figure out how to please her all the way on a consistent basis and be prepared to do this or some other way, every time you engage in activity.

----

One other thing. My wife never initiates. If you think you do these things and it will just start working.. prob not. You still need to initiate. My wife just doesn't feel comfortable initiating. Maybe insecurity about her body, maybe busy, maybe she thinks it's the guy's role. I don't know. Prob some mix of all of the above. I can't really change that. I just continue to have to initiate.

A single unmarried guy doesn't have to do any of this. They may read this and say all of this is crazy. They can just go hook up. Also, a guy with a unicorn girl (i've dated some) may not need to do as much of this either. Some girls simply have a higher sex drive, get off easy, and are less complicated. But I believe the vast majority of women require a lot of the above.

This last guy got a lot of things right. I'm pretty satisfied with the marriage despite almost 2 decades. Randomly stumbled into this reddit thread and made me think of this thread. Good luck to all!

https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/s2quo5/i_want_a_wife/

This is a really good post. This sounds quite accurate in my experience.

Does it strike anyone else that women seem to be significant consumers in relationships?

It seems like history has screwed this generation. The tired story of men never do anything around the house and just get sex and sandwiches and their feet rubbed is absolutely not true anymore. Today’s men are expected to carry an equal load of domestic and kid duties even for a stay at home mom. All while keeping a full time job and, let’s be honest, most of the money that comes in is spent in the fashion that she desires.

Then you need to do 1, 2, and 3 above and you also have the responsibility to initiate as well bc how could she be expected to meet you in the middle once in a blue moon…

I’m confused where is the partnership is in all this?

It’s really a cruel joke that men are designed to have a physical need that can only be met by giving away the rest of your life.

maybe you all have to find the right women to marry. you're picking the wrong ones.

I am 55 year old female. I have been married for 27 years. I have always had a higher sex drive than my husband. We had amazing sex when I met him in 1990. I was 23 and he was 27. During my two pregnancies, I loved having sex all the time!! Wow! Had my son at 30 and my twins at 33. After I had the kids is when my libido dropped. Me and my husband had a few struggles with it and I went to the doctor and told her what was going on with me and that is was really unusual. I told her that I have an amazing husband and I could tell it was hurting his feelings that It felt like such a hard task to get me interested. She told me that childbirth can really take a toll on the hormones and that I just needed to have a really amazing orgasm and that would help trigger the desire! She told me to go out and get a vibrator and that would wake things up! BEST advice ever! That really did the trick. Trying to figure out how to bring that into the bedroom with my husband and not make him feel inadequate. Fast forward to today. I noticed when my husband turned 45 or so, it became less and less frequent and when it gets to be almost a months time, I tell him! My husband is now on medication for several things, he is overweight and all these things are taking a toll on our sex life. He has admitted to it, he is losing weight and he knows it is the main cause. Thank god for the vibrator! It has been a life saver. Without the vibrator he cannot stay hard enough through the sexual act. I cannot express it enough how valuable this is later in life. This is my 22 year as a runner. I started running when I was 34. I feel the sexiest when I am sweating and pushing my pace. I work out all the time, I've ran 9 marathons, I have ran many, many half marathons, I work out at the gym. I have worked since I was 16 I am a business owner! I have a hair salon now for 30 years. Being in the beauty industry is very helpful. We see women all the time just let themselves go! They stop coloring their hair, they wear the same sloppy clothes, they don't care. I am amazed when I see their husbands are much cuter than they are. Wow is all I can say. I am constantly working on myself. I kept thinking if I looked the best I could look and do all the other things that might spark more of coming my way more often that would be he key. I do know this, if there is low libido, nothing other than medication is going to work. When someone has the desire like I did when I knew there was a problem early on, I went and got the help needed! My husband is the sweetest, most talented dude! I like him. I just want to have more sex and with some intensity. Viagra works only when the male has desire. If he is in the mood, it works great. If he is tired, long day.... nope.

Something else I was thinking about. Early years when you are young, and your husband tells you how amazing you look and that he finds you most attractive when you are wearing your over sized t-shirt, sipping on coffee on the porch swing, believe him, just remember as you age... that look may not be so great right out of the bed. As time goes on, we need to work just a little more. Now that things have been more difficult with less sex from him, it really is hard to not feel like you are less attractive to him, or maybe he is bored with you, or worse yet, this is the end!! I told him I was super afraid this would be the end of this part of our marriage and that scared the hell out of me. I was super honest and the first time we talked about it he was very angry with me and told me I said some hurtful things. flash forward to a month later and he has agreed that he has some work to do with his weight and talking with the doctor.