Post-nuptial shutoff?

I've been married to the same woman for 21 years. I am proud to report that we do it much more as we have gotten older. At 44, my wife and I get together 10-12 times per month for a good romp. That doesn't include a few hand /mouth interactions during her period. And she is much better at it too, as she has gotten older. She knows exactly what she wants and goes for it. It's fun.

I’ve posted a few times over the years. I’m proud to report that my wife and I still get it on several times per week, depending on how tough the work week is. I love getting it on with my 53 year old wife, because she keeps getting better and better at it. Incidentally, we’ve been doing it together for more than thirty years now.

Hmmm... That previous post sounds suspiciously like *me*. Very well could be. A new thread cited PNS, so I thought I'd jump back to (A) see the progress, and (B) report that last night my ("needful," praise be) wife turned our usual snuggling (we still sleep spooned together) into something else.

This after a year of troubles that need not be aired here. At least *some* things stay constant.

Do you guys think Caster experiences PNSO?

9 times in the last 12 months...I’m 39 and she’s 31. Had a baby a little over 11 months ago. It’s the worst thing in the world

It’s funny yet awful to come back to this thread now as a married man and find myself in this dreadful boat. Thought I’d found someone who would never turn off the sexual energy. Dating we had sex sometimes in the woods or backseat of the car countless times when we were away from the bedroom. Now after two years of marriage and our daughter being 8 months old, I can sadly count the 9 times we’ve had sex in the last 6 months. Probably 3 nights a week I make an attempt but am turned down. Because of the lockdown, I lost my job after my boss lost his business. Now I hate to feel that maybe she’s less attracted to me because I’ve lost my provider status. So when I’m turned down from making love, I hate myself.

The other night my wife caught me looking at a girl younger than her, maybe 20 or so years old, as we sat on the porch and watched her walk by. My wife scolded me as she does for staring but instead of playing stupid as I usually do, I said “so what, maybe she’ll at least be interested in my peni s.” That didn’t go over too well but I really didn’t give any bit of a shi t.

So now here I am. Wanting to be the most amazing and loving father to our beautiful daughter but at the same time feeling...no word really truly fits here...just wanting more.

I know it feels like a lifetime, but 8 months after childbirth isn’t that long. It can take awhile to recover. Does the baby sleep? Does your wife ever get a break? Child birth can cause a lot of mental, physical, and emotional issues for both parties. In my experience you are at the toughest stage. It gets easier!

In my 60's and have sex once a week. Never more than once a week. It's always at my initiation. I feel it's just obligatory sex on my wife's part. Even though she does orgasm, I feel for my wife it no longer is making love it's just obligatory sex.

My wife is very loyal and makes sure I have the food I like and she buys useful gifts for birthdays and father's day and Christmas but never includes a card. Never a note.

There is no romance in my marriage. She eats in front of the tv every night, I eat alone at the kitchen table. We sleep seperately. She will say I love you only in response to me saying it. We don't fight, it's comfortable but I think something is lacking. My wife is ok with things as they are.

I think my wife would be shocked that I am dissatisfied. I want romance and love.

Marriage is clearly a scam.

Well I'll say it a better way. Marriage, nice idea, wrong species.

Never seen a marriage that I admire among my family or people I know pretty well.

Read the book Sex at Dawn by Chris Ryan.

What age do you guys think is best to get married?

My dad was 37 and said it was the best thing he ever did (waiting).

I would say I'd get serious about finding someone after 31, and then get married at about 34. What do you think?

Below Average wrote:

I know it feels like a lifetime, but 8 months after childbirth isn’t that long. It can take awhile to recover. Does the baby sleep? Does your wife ever get a break? Child birth can cause a lot of mental, physical, and emotional issues for both parties. In my experience you are at the toughest stage. It gets easier!

Agreed. Its gets better, you are not on the post nupital shutoff train just yet.

After each of my kids, things dried up, we were both stressed with the crying baby, after about 1 to 1.5 years when things really stabilize, we were back at it like normal (and as a result would conceive another child). Then the cycle starts again.

It'll be ok, just focus on the kid/being a dad, and be patient more. It should get better in a couple months.

If around 1.5 years you are still having problem I recommend really discussing it seriously and working around it. Right now your wife is on survival mode dealing with an infant.

Your post was very meaningful to me. When my wife and I have sex now it’s her finally giving in to me trying for nights on end and it seems like she’s filling in that obligation before I get mad or think of straying. The sex is always the same and passionless. However, there is something special for me making love to the mother of my child.

But I am not ready to give up yet. Thank you to the fathers telling me it’ll come back once our child ages a bit more.

My wife was wild in the bedroom before we got married. She was insatiable. But since we got married, she always has an excuse for why she doesn't want to do it. Recently she has been refusing with the excuse that her bladder is empty and if she doesn't pee after sex, she will get a UTI. You would think she never drinks water with how she is "empty" all the time! She acts like its a big treat for me to get myself off when she lies in bed next to me.

Guys, don't get married for the sex.

Been doing all the house chores and cooking good meals for over a month. Taking every responsibility off her plate to treat her like a queen. Then bought her a really nice necklace out of the blue. Nothing almost 2 years no sex. Might aswell get a mistress.

Who wants to have sex with someone who is either not interested in sex with you or who is intentionally withholding for control? Sad

Should i just not get married then? I’m 19

I also don't want to have sex with someone I have to beg. It is a total turn-off. I have stopped trying. She will initiate twice a year like clockwork. I think she has an internal contract that says she has to have sex with me twice a year. She is a great cook and a great mother to our child.

Not sure if the thread title was a factor here. Marital status of the parties was not mentioned in the article:

https://people.com/pets/polar-bear-killed-during-mating-attempt-detroit-zoo/

A lot of sick relationships on this thread.