BREAKING NEWS FROM AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE
Distinguished Cumberlands race walker, Cole Bennett, has reached prestige master In the new call of duty game in only six months, as well as hitting the A standard halfway through the season. As expected, this raised some serious questions about his time management and began an official investigation.
Between the time he spends doing triple threshold workouts, lifting weights, stretching, gooning, jelqing, and playing video games, NAIA officials have began to question if Cole truly is human. In order to have enough energy to complete all of these tasks within a 24 hour day, he must be enhanced with bionic capabilities.
NAIA officials, along with a few members of the federal Bureau of Investigation, raided his home yesterday. The results are shocking.
Upon the conclusion of a long and thorough investigation, the NAIA has made their final statement. Cole Bennett, Cumberlands race walker, is not human. The classified records shared with us from our men on the inside show that Cole Bennett has been physically enhanced with robotic machinery in multiple parts of his body. His calves, biceps, triceps, knees, quads and hamstrings have all been surgically replaced with variants of Wakandan Vibranium, the most valuable and strong element known to man. The vibranium was electrically wired to the rest of his body, making him 37 times stronger than the average race walker. In order for every other organ in his body to keep up with the vibranium - replaced ones, Bennett was required to drink three gallons of cookout sweet tea per day. His home was found filled with jugs of sweet tea, leading the FBI to make this discovery.
Upon finding this out, the president of the NAIA has placed the entire association on robot - watch. Any team discovered with a bionically enhanced athlete will be forced out of competition for one year minimum. As for Bennett, he has been taken into custody as the FBI investigate the situation further. We do not know if legal action can be taken as of now, but it is safe to assume that he will likely be permanently banned from competition in the NAIA.