Post-nuptial shutoff?

Carlos from the hangover wrote:

Is there any way that I can end things without looking like the biggest jerk in the world? It's not that she's a bad person, but I'm just not sure I can make this work. It's not all about the shutoff, but that certainly doesn't help.

There is no easy way to cut ties. You just have to get tough, be a man, sit with her one-on-one and tell her. Deal with all of the break up crap and slowly separate. Don't be a jerk and just disappear. That is sh%tty, inconsiderate, and cowardly. Work through it with her and stay true, because it's unlikely you'll get her back.

I can tell you if she is giving you shut-off now, marriage will be far worse. Trust me, I went through it. Everything is amplied x 10 in a marriage and you absolutely, positively have to 100% happy with this person. She's giving you warning signs of what is to come as she's placing blame already.

Best of luck.

NC-17 is right Carlos. If you're having problems now, marriage will be absolutely brutal. Best to bring it to an end. You can offer to help her move back, get her reestablished in her old town, assuming she's willing to accept your help. Maybe, maybe not. Nevertheless, you need to get out of what sounds like a fatalistic relationship.

In our 4th year of marriage. First two were great, but started to deteriorate in the 3rd year. She started holding back on the sex. First once a week, then every two weeks, then once or twice a month. Now, maybe once every six months. She's clearly not interested and the sex we have is dull an lifeless. Not sure what to do at right now - still considering my options.

Married and Depressed wrote:

In our 4th year of marriage. First two were great, but started to deteriorate in the 3rd year. She started holding back on the sex. First once a week, then every two weeks, then once or twice a month. Now, maybe once every six months. She's clearly not interested and the sex we have is dull an lifeless. Not sure what to do at right now - still considering my options.

You didn't talk to her about what would happen in this scenario BEFORE you got married?

Oh yeah. This is going to get better...

You need to focus on fixing this or moving on. Women are funny creatures. She no longer sees you as an alpha male ( if she ever did ).

http://alphaplease.blogspot.com/2012/06/time-to-put-up-or-shut-up.html

In Europe men get mistresses.

For 2013 so far

Wife: 187

Mistress: 99

Girlfriend: 44

One Night Stands: 6

Don't believe the folks who say that sex ends with "I do". Not if you play your cards right.

Bump

Here's a question:

Is it OK to share your sexual fantasies with your wife? Obviously not if your big thing is to bang her best friend or sister, but more about sexual act or maybe stay vague with "a 3 some"..

Well said. My fiancee and I just broke up and the lack of sex was a big issue for me. When we first started dating it was non-stop, then slowly tapered to maybe twice a week, then once a week. Don't get me wrong, when we had it it was great. Then it was once a month, then MONTHS AND MONTHS without. Address it, if it isn't resolved to satisfactory levels soon its indicative of bigger probllems and won't get better after marriage, that's for sure.

I've replied to this thread before (forget what nick).

Known my wife for 30 years (we met at 16); married for 15; four children.

Sex. Is. Awesome!

Yeah, I know, right? Sometimes it wanes to as little as a couple of times a week; currently in a major up cycle.

The key is to be a GIVER--my wife gets a lot of attention: morning shoulder rubs, frequent linguistic attention; lotsa love. Boys, I'm here to tell you: there is NOTHING like being woken up in the night with a woman on top of you.

So, post-nuptial shut-off? Yeah, I'm aware of it. All the middle-aged guys in my running club complain daily. I ain' got nothin' to add.

Maybe I'm just lucky--my wife is not the, uh, most "naturally hormonal" woman I've known. But she likes attention and appreciates fairness (or "fair enough-edness").

So... no tips. Just be extra loving (more than she deserves, more than you feel like, more than you should) and you'll get more than you expect.

Bump. Most entertaining thread.

BUMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Women get bored of sex with the same guy. Men admit we get bored with the same girl, but women are so cowardly and worried about their image they'll never admit it.

This thread never dies! I was reading this and thinking, wow, sounds like me. It IS me!

So, I went on this "program" (I called it, "the program") whereby I, uh, "satisfied" my wife for episodes on end. Apparently, whatever goes on in a woman's mind overcame her: been even better than usual for coupla months now.

Try it, gents: Please the wife, explain tenderly that you are in it just for her; refuse her entreaties; snuggle and love. Do this as long as you can. (I think I made it to somewhere in week 3). She's been... reciprocal for at least two months now (indeed, she woke up in the night to pay me back, as it were...).

So, once again: It is not *impossible* to have a good love life, years (and YEARS) into the marriage.

It *does* help that my wife is still very attractive--and fit. And it may be that she knows how, uh, "important" lovin' is. I dunno. I could be just flippin' lucky.

Oh: I also recommend "Love and Respect." Sure, it's a bible-based relationship program, but it works (especially in getting the wife to feel less... icky? about a man's manly needs).

AnonymousPseudonym wrote:

Here's a question:

Is it OK to share your sexual fantasies with your wife?

Maybe not. Better keep it to yourself or confess on here...

I have to admit and can't believe I'm actually going to say this...but I've had dreams about the Brojos (meaning they were in my dreams!) crap, now I am embarrassed.

Quickly! wrote:

Women get bored of sex with the same guy. Men admit we get bored with the same girl, but women are so cowardly and worried about their image they'll never admit it.

Nonsense. Women admit it to themselves and their confidantes and they cheat more than men.

Been with my wife for over 10 years now. While it was smoking hot the first 6 months it settled into 2-3 times a week. Then a few years later (and 2 kids) we average once a week with a spontaneous bonus time here and there.

But it's picked back up to 2-3 times a week. Three days in a row as of now. I guess I got lucky.

Nope wrote:

Quickly! wrote:

Women get bored of sex with the same guy. Men admit we get bored with the same girl, but women are so cowardly and worried about their image they'll never admit it.

Nonsense. Women admit it to themselves and their confidantes and they cheat more than men.

That is indeed a very true statement. Anyone that thinks that women don't cheat in spades is ridiculously naïve.

Married and Depressed wrote:

In our 4th year of marriage. First two were great, but started to deteriorate in the 3rd year. She started holding back on the sex. First once a week, then every two weeks, then once or twice a month. Now, maybe once every six months. She's clearly not interested and the sex we have is dull an lifeless. Not sure what to do at right now - still considering my options.

In my opinion there are only TWO options; #1 She signs an agreement stipulating how many times per week (MINIMUM) you are having sex ( I recomend at least 3 times per week but you decide on a number). As long as she holds to that agreement no need to go to option #2: DIVORCE! IF you are going to put these two options out there, BE READY TO GET A DIVORCE! Never bluff! If she knows you are bluffing you are dead in the water.