Post-nuptial shutoff?

Unfortunately for many marriages that's what it evolves into - even after several attempts. After about 20+ yrs of marriage, most men AND women seem pretty jaded with the idea and have lost faith in its usefulness. If the marriage survives at all, it's usually for financial reasons or until the children are raised. As you point out above, there are exceptions, but I think they are rare. Ironically, young women seem especially terrified by the idea of living of living alone, but many older women I know seem to adjust to singlehood quite well and have long given up on the idea of matrimonial bliss.

LalaLand wrote:

BTW you lets run dudes are nothing but a bunch of babies. You do not ASK your wife for sex. You expect it, be a leader, and make it happen. The guy above who hasn't had sex for 16 weeks are you fkiiiin kidding me? You should be ashamed that you even have a penis attached to you. Your wife has needs. Fulfill them. See the whole thing as her challenging your manhood in the first place and yep, she's right, you are a woosie. Women demand leadership in the household and if she is in charge then guess what? She can't get turned on or aroused. Tell her you will f%&*! her best friend if she ain't interested. And make sure you do if she calls your bluff.

Well, that's almost exactly what I did. Unfortunately, the end result wasn't so good. I am now living with her best friend in a one BR apartment and the marriage is over....so is their friendship.

Nature intended parents to stay together until off spring can survive on their own. Probably 12-18 years. Then move on...

Hey Lalaland, the problem is attitude as much as anything. I can understand if the sex drive isn't there for women, but why not try to please anyway? Women seem to want it all from the guy (great dad, listener, breadwinner, masculine, healthy lifestyle) but don't deliver what the guy wants, which is really just a great lay a few times a week.

Noot Gingivitis wrote:

Hey Lalaland, the problem is attitude as much as anything. I can understand if the sex drive isn't there for women, but why not try to please anyway? Women seem to want it all from the guy (great dad, listener, breadwinner, masculine, healthy lifestyle) but don't deliver what the guy wants, which is really just a great lay a few times a week.

Yea, but who wants a "dead fish"? I mean if you can't bring some passion to the BR then there's really no point.

Got more today--while I was cooking dinner and our son was downstairs watching tv.

Hahaha.

Got some wrote:

Got more today--while I was cooking dinner and our son was downstairs watching tv.

Hahaha.

That must have been some feat at the same time you were cooking dinner. Hope nobody got burned!

A man who wants a poke will figure out a way to get a poke.

I cannot believe this thread is still going!!

I agree with LaLaLand....you guys just need to man up and stop being a bunch of pathetic babies.

Rhinestone wrote:

I cannot believe this thread is still going!!

I agree with LaLaLand....you guys just need to man up and stop being a bunch of pathetic babies.

Hey, if she doesn't want to give it up, there's not much I can do about it.....except beat my meat....which is what I've been doing for the last 2 yrs. Any more wise suggestions?

The leader of the house only beats his meat as a bonus, not out of necessity.

You, my friend, are a poor example of a MAN.

She won't give it up?? See it as a challenge against your manhood. What does a lion or a bear do when the female won't give 'it' up?!

You should be ashamed. Throw her down on the floor and give her what she needs. She will thank you afterwards.

How does one adapt to singlehood in the society we live in? You say more people on giving up on the idea of marriage or finding a life partner. Isn't that a living death? I know there are married couples who are going through a living Hell, but that doesn't make the alternative any more appealing.

Reality.com wrote:

Unfortunately for many marriages that's what it evolves into - even after several attempts. After about 20+ yrs of marriage, most men AND women seem pretty jaded with the idea and have lost faith in its usefulness. If the marriage survives at all, it's usually for financial reasons or until the children are raised. As you point out above, there are exceptions, but I think they are rare. Ironically, young women seem especially terrified by the idea of living of living alone, but many older women I know seem to adjust to singlehood quite well and have long given up on the idea of matrimonial bliss.

LaLaLand wrote:

The leader of the house only beats his meat as a bonus, not out of necessity.

You, my friend, are a poor example of a MAN.

She won't give it up?? See it as a challenge against your manhood. What does a lion or a bear do when the female won't give 'it' up?!

You should be ashamed. Throw her down on the floor and give her what she needs. She will thank you afterwards.

I don't have any illusions of grandeur about being a "REAL" man anymore. Those days are in the past.

My divorce just went final at the end of the year. I had been going through the shut-off in the last year of my marriage. Part of that was her affair with our close friend, which ended two couples' marriages.

This thread was started a few months into my marriage. I guess I was hoping it was just a bunch of losers who didn't know how to have a healthy marriage. I thought we had the answers. But I guess, ultimately, we didn't.

Finding out about my wife and friend's affair was one of the most difficult discoveries of my life. I was shocked. But...about a year ago, I moved out (it took awhile for the legal process--the divorce was final last month). The upside is this...in the last year, I've dated a lot of great women. Nothing serious. I didn't jump into the next big thing. But I've tried to heal without causing undo pain to anyone else.

So to answer your question about being single in this society...it ain't all bad. I adapted well. Made friends, had lovers. But, I still don't know if I am ready to jump back into something serious. Even though my wife and I never had children, I don't have to raise the child I married anymore.

[quote]mr. Toad RIP wrote:

How does one adapt to singlehood in the society we live in?

Nice...and honest post.

Earnest Opinion wrote:

I don't have any illusions of grandeur about being a "REAL" man anymore. Those days are in the past.

It's "delusions" of grandeur.

Your welcome.

Phrases Have Meanings wrote:

Earnest Opinion wrote:

I don't have any illusions of grandeur about being a "REAL" man anymore. Those days are in the past.

It's "delusions" of grandeur.

Your welcome.

Believe me, in my case it's "illusions".

Phrases Have Meanings wrote:

It's "delusions" of grandeur.

Your welcome.

Seriously? "Your" welcome?

I asked my wife if there is anything that she is lacking and the answer was "no". I talk with her, go on vacations, take care of our child, make good money, work out, clean, give her workout time and go out with friends time.

I then asked her if it was unfair if I have sex with a woman whom I work with. If sex is not important to her, then it is not cheating. The consequences of me doing someone else are hers alone. She was pissed and reverted to the argument that " all you want is sex"