You try jumping on any cat bigger than you and pinning it and it will roll on its back and rip your guts out with its back claws.
You try jumping on any cat bigger than you and pinning it and it will roll on its back and rip your guts out with its back claws.
SMJO wrote:
You try jumping on any cat bigger than you and pinning it and it will roll on its back and rip your guts out with its back claws.
It can't do squat with 4000 pounds on it. You put a car on a tiger it can't do squat.
Hardlloper wrote:
If an elephant lied on a tiger it would not be able to move. How much does an elephant weight? 3200 pounds of man lying on a 500 pound tiger. The tiger is very strong but he would not be able to move.
Ok genius, how are all of them going to have enough time to stack themselves on top of the tiger? Is the tiger just going to sit and wait?
Jesus Christ. This would be a bloodbath and the NFL draft would quickly have to be expanded by 10 picks for one season and one season only. Shit, a tiger? My ex-girlfriend had a nasty bitch of a Maine coon cat that weighed about 20 pounds and was mean as anything you've ever seen or read about anywhere. Closing in on 20 years old this beast would climb up on the roof and hiss and practically roar at anything it saw walking in the yard, up the sidewalk, into or out of the house. It lived as long as it did on pure high-octane hate.
One time it clawed at me as I was doing laundry in the garage. It was hiding behind a riding lawnmower and as I was putting my running shit in the washer this huge paw flashed out of nowhere and took a chunk out of my forearm. Instinctively I launched a vicious hatchet kick at the son of a bitch, letting fly with a mighty rebel yell as I did so. BAM! I connected with its ribs -- and it didn't even flinch. Just jerked a little bit and launched itself at me. By then I had a rake in my hands and was swinging it wildly at the animal's snarling face. This cat was also an established faggit so I had no intention of being bested in a physical confrontation by a homo-feline, however large and angry. A couple friends passing by the house looked inside the open garage and were like "WHAT the F*CK, LESTER?!" and rushed in to join the fray. So there we are, four good-sized and extremely motivated runners topping 600 pounds between pitted against a 20-pound house cat, and we took out licks, believe me. We were armed; I had the rake, my buddy Bill had a 38" baseball bat, my pal Tom had a huge old circular saw blade and my friend Rich was wielding an axe in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other.
We went at it for about 15 minutes, fur and blood and shit flying everywhere. Tom's penis was torn asunder and he fell to the cement floor howling, and I will never forget his screams. Finally we knocked the thing out -- BRIEFLY -- and stuffed it into the dryer and set it on HIGH HEAT for 70 minutes, the max allowed. The dryer started shaking violently as the Maine coon cat started launching itself at the walls of the drum. BOOM BAM BOOM! The dryer tipped over and started sliding inexorably toward the door, then up the driveway and finally into the street. We could hear its howls of rage even after a logging truck smashed into the dryer and busted it open. The truck tipped over and a fire started that burned up three homes in the neighborhood and postponed school for elementary kids for three days. We never saw that cat again and had to tell everyone that we had hurt each other playing Wii football, so cut up and brusied were we. And keep in mind that this was a MAINE COON CAT, not a tiger, and that we were in fine physical shape and sporting huge erections (except for Tom after his manhood was sliced off by that queerboy cat). AND, my girlfriend accused me of letting the cat go free on purpose because she knew I wasn't fond of it, and dumped me. She was a b*tch anyway with very small tits, and I later did her sister in the butt while wheeling her around with her hands in roller skates -- the feared "Rusty Wheelbarrow."
So NO, these NFL studs would not stand a chance. Nice idea though.
glglg wrote:
Hardlloper wrote:If an elephant lied on a tiger it would not be able to move. How much does an elephant weight? 3200 pounds of man lying on a 500 pound tiger. The tiger is very strong but he would not be able to move.
Ok genius, how are all of them going to have enough time to stack themselves on top of the tiger? Is the tiger just going to sit and wait?
It will be a bloodbath. But if all 10 converge on the tiger the tiger can only attack one at a time. the other 9 jump on it and immobilize it. Then they beat the living crap out of it.
SMJO wrote:
Tarzan actually routinely killed adult male lions with a full nelson move and no knife.
He could do that occasionally, but he generally used his knife when he had it. And it would not work with a tiger.
A forked stick works with a tiger, and so does a chair. Tarzan did not know that. That would be the NFL players' only chance.
Tyrannnosaurus Rexing wrote:
SMJO wrote:You try jumping on any cat bigger than you and pinning it and it will roll on its back and rip your guts out with its back claws.
It can't do squat with 4000 pounds on it. You put a car on a tiger it can't do squat.
Yes, The tiger will just sit there and let the guys decide who is going to be first and let them arrange themselves in a nice elephant sized mass.
I would bet that you couldn't tranquilize a tiger, pile ten guys on it and have them hold it down while it wakes up.
Tyrannnosaurus Rexing wrote:
It will be a bloodbath. But if all 10 converge on the tiger the tiger can only attack one at a time. the other 9 jump on it and immobilize it. Then they beat the living crap out of it.
I repeat: how will they have enough time to converge on the tiger? Is the tiger going to just sit there and wait? And why do you think the tiger can only attack one at a time?
It kills one unfortunate dude - the other 9 jump on top will most grabbing a limb. That is 3000 pounds on it. It can't do squat with all that weight.
Someone who knows teh NFL greats needs to try to approximate this classic from "play by play":
The gun goes off and it truly is a mad dash off the line. The runners are going all-out to try to get away from the grizzy bear. Juantorena, having the unfortunate luck of sharing a lane with the bear, is instantly mauled. The bear sits at the start line tearing apart his meal.
As they break from their lanes, the competitors are in order based on top end speed. Wariner out front, then Coe, Cruz, Kipketer, and Kaki in some order, followed by Snell, then a gap to Pistorius.
They hit the 200 meter mark and the runners start to slow down. No one wants to lead as they come back around again to the bear. They hit the top of the home stretch and slow to a jog. The bear is spread across lanes 4 and 5, so the runners go to lanes 1 and 8.
As they approach, the bear rises from Juantorena's corpse and roars. The runners turn and run in the other direction. The bears chases. Once again, top end speed is the determining factor and Pistorius gets caught at the top of the home stretch.
By now the remaining runners are shitting themselves. They head back to the top of the back stretch and wait, about as far from the bear as possible. The bear finishes with Pistorius, then heads across the infield. He is DQ'd.
As he approaches, the runners go scrambling in all directions. Wariner, Kipketer, and Kaki are sprinting back toward the starting line. Wariner is feeling confident because he is the fastest of all the runners. He can sprint back and forth all day letting the other runners get picked off until the bear is full. However, unfortunately for him, with his pink-ish white skin and fish eye glasses, he looks the most like a salmon.
The bear eyes the prize that is Jeremy Wariner and gives chase. Wariner reaches the starting line and heads into the stands. He is DQ'd, and then a second later is killed by the grizzly. Kipketer and Kaki start to head in the positive direction on the track once again, though they are now 200 meters behind Snell, Cruz, and Coe.
As Snell, Cruz, and Coe hurdle the corpse of Pistorius at the top of the home stretch, they realize now is their best chance to pass the bear. He is occupied in the stands. They sprint by in lane 1. Their 1st lap split is 15:24.56.
Kipketer and Kaki coming cruising by 25.68 seconds later.
It is now a 3 man race. Cruz, Coe, and Snell come to the 700 meter mark and it's a sprint. Kaki and Kipketer are at the 500 meter mark. The trio in front thinks they can make it past the bear, who is still in the stands near the start/finish line. As they swing 3 wide in the very middle of the track, the adrenaline and fear push them faster they they would have thought possible. 50 meters to go, 40, 30.
Suddenly the grizzly emerges from the stands and rushes the threesome. Coe, Cruz, and Snell leap toward the finish line Christian Smith style. The bear leaps toward them and...clotheslines all 3 of them at once!
They go flying backward, unconscious. Not one has crossed the finish line. The grizzly goes to work on these three.
The only runners left now are Kipketer and Kaki. They've slowed to a walk and are standing at the 730 meter mark watching in disbelief as the bear eats his 4th, 5th, and 6th victims at the finish line.
They don't know what to do. Kaki is poor, so a lifetime supply of salmon would feed him and his family for a long time. Kipketer is simply a salmon fiend, so he wants it too. Neither will yield.
They decide to get in opposite lanes and sprint by the bear. God will decide who survives. With Kaki in lane 1 and Kipketer in lane 8, they begin their sprint.
The bear sees them coming and hunches forward in attack mode. Who will it be? The runners approach. The bear crouches and roars.
At that moment a flash appears in the middle of the track. It is Juantorena! Though the bear ate his legs, after it was no longer occupied with him he crawled up the home stretch and attached Pistorius's Cheetah Flex Foots to his bloody stubs! He goes bounding by Kaki and Kipketer. His incredibly long stride combined with the extra height and bounciness of the Cheetahs has him up to speeds never before reached by human beings. The bear sees him coming and leaps for him. Juantorena jumps clear OVER the bear! It's a miracle!! He's won! Juantorena has won!! He drops to his stumpy knees and praises God.
Kipketer crosses the finish line, followed by Kaki, then the bear. The bear mauls Juantorena. Stupid El Caballo, all that lost blood must have made him mentally foggy. He didn't win. He didn't even run 1 meter.
Final results:
Kipketer 35:37.65
Kaki 35:37.76
Coe DNF
Cruz DNF
Snell DNF
Juantorena DNF
Pistorius DNF
Wariner DQ
Grizzly Bear DQ
Kipketer just smiles. He's a freak for salmon.
Read more:
http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=2595482#ixzz2m0zxXelo
...on second thought, nah
Let me put this to rest.
There are documented videos (possibly even on youtube) where people put 3 adult lions in a cage with a tiger. the 3 lions tried to kill the tiger, but instead one lion was killed, and another had significant injuries and the third cowered away. The tiger had NO injuries.
Tigers are solitary hunters. They are pretty much the deadliest predators on the planet. If they so much as even flick their paw at you, you will either die instantly, be thrown in the air 10 feet, or be paralyzed for life.
Cats have an instinctual sense as to how to kill a prey. They usually swipe or bite the areas with vital nerves first so that the prey is permanently paralyzed. Then they bite your neck until you die.
10 grown men....is absolutely nothing. first of all, none of the men will want to be the sacrifical lamb and be the first one in the tiger's path. Second of all, as soon as the tiger destroys one man with a simple paw swipe, this will instill fear in the rest of the men. They will be like headless chicken running around, no pun intended.
And to say that men are more intelligent and better tacticians? Hah. Tigers are PREDATORS. Unlike lions, who hunt in prides, tigers are solitary hunters. They know how to stalk, attack, dodge, and even take down 2000lb prey. If an average tiger can dispatch 3 lions at one time, you think 10 men is a challenge? That's snack time at best.
There is a video that i saw where 6 or 7 men with rifles were hunting for a lion in the plains. They finally found the lion and were aiming at it when it ran towards them and actually dodged 99% of the bullets and ended up swiping one guy's neck (who later died) and ran away from the hunters. And that's a lion. Tigers are even faster. They can go from a standing position to full speed (~50mph) in 5 yards or less.
The only way 10 men could kill a tiger is if they were trained military soldiers WITH weapons, i.e. seals or delta force or SAS.
This is turing into a fascinating thread. It looks like 10 humans untrained in fighting would have a difficult task ahead of them. But trained martial artists could be a different matter. For example, karate expert Masutatsu Oyama actually had live fights barehanded against bulls, and he actually killed them. A fully grown bull must be more or less the same weight as a tiger so surely power punches from a karate guy such as Oyama would at least have some impact on a tiger.
Maybe in the future there will be some new sort of ultimate fighting contest which will answer these sorts of questions ....
Bull = cow with roid-rage. Bulls aren't wild predators, they're domesticated animals. Bulls eat grass. Tigers eat bulls.
Tyrannnosaurus Rexing wrote:
It kills one unfortunate dude - the other 9 jump on top will most grabbing a limb. That is 3000 pounds on it. It can't do squat with all that weight.
I repeat: how will the 9 men jump on top of it. Is the tiger just going to sit there and wait? And why do you think the tiger would only kill one unfortunate dude instead of many?
Tiger casually kills a Gaur with minimal effort.
No. A tiger has the reflexes and speed of a normal housecat, which are hard enough for one person to catch and subdue, in addition to the deadly size and strength of a tiger.
Plus, don't forget that tigers are programmed to fight against each other and other wild animals. I'd say maybe 20 nfl players could take the tiger but there will be a few sacrificial lambs. They'll have to crush the tiger under their combined weight to stop it.
I feel like the only way this thread is still going is because some LRCers are operating under the premise that a tiger is a stripy lion. I agree that there is very much 10 NFL players could do to defeat a lion.
We aren't talking about a lion though. We're talking about a f***ing tiger. For those of you who haven't been to a zoo, tigers are a completely different animal.
As was previously mentioned, the tiger's swipe has 2000 pounds of force. It also has sharp claws and absolutely ridiculous speed. We're talking about Nightcrawler teleporting beside you swinging a sledgehammer with swords in it flying faster than a golf club. There is simply nothing that anyone could conceivably do to survive this. You can't dodge it or parry it or block it. You're just dead in an instant. The tiger doesn't need to bite or pounce. It can simply walk up to each human and *dispatch* them with a single swing.
The second misconception that LRCers have is that it somehow matters who the humans are. It doesn't matter if it is Jackie Chan or JJ Watt or a sumo wrestler. The tiger literally won't know the difference until its meat tastes fattier than normal. This is analogous to you fighting a bumblebee versus you fighting a hornet. Yeah, one of them stings a little more, but the basic premise is the same. You whack it and it dies.
Tigers are f***ing terrifying.
Can an NFL player do his thing in waist deep water with no visible loss of ability?
Thank you lionhunter for restoring some sanity to this thread. The biggest, baddest human on the planet without a weapon is so fard own the food chain it's ridiculous. I love these threads and it's fun to consider, but we have to come up with a different scenario because this one wouldn't be the slightest challenge to the tiger.
Any doubters can just go to youtube and watch videos of a tiger killing a 14 foot crocodile with almost zero effort. If the tiger knew is goal was to kill the ten humans they would all be dead in under a minute.