Epidemic of attractive 30-somethings getting cheated on by their husbands

it wouldn't destroy the family if the family evolved sexually. america is afflicted with an infantile view of sexuality.

brownsmith76 wrote:

lack of self-discipline.

if mgm is right about dissatisfaction, then the husbands are insecure and cowardly for not going to a marriage counselor as a first option. i wouldn't want to be a friend with someone who cheats and constantly talks about how co-workers are hot. they're undependable.

destroying a family by falling for sexual temptation is a pretty lame move.

america is afflicted with an infantile view of sexuality.

Infants don't have views on sexuality.

A couple of things. As of 7:18 EST, this thread has 106 comments - mine included. That's third-most on the front page, behind only "Cam Levins runs 11.5 100m - standing start!" and "50+ Training and Racing Forum." Guys love talking about infidelity, even - perhaps especially - the ones who claim they would never do it. I tend to think a lot about cheating, myself, and if a lithe, funny girl from the college nearby were to indicate some night at a bar while my wife was away that things could go that way, I really don't know how I would respond.

Anyway, these threads are so popular because guys love the voyeuristic thrill of seeing other guys write about younger, hotter, less-educated women wearing yoga pants. Admit it guys: we're all, to great and lesser degrees, sexual beasts, driven by lust and attraction first and common sense and abstract pledges second. It's why you're in this thread at all, reading this comment now.

Whaah? :D what were you waiting for? The cute blond AND the hot sign girl were totally into you. Don't let me being here hold you back

Maybe so but a lot of us are also passionate about the subject because we've been burned. Part of the healing process is understanding why this happens even if there's nothing we can do about it in the end.

From a 30-something women who has three friends in the same situation, I've been wondering the same thing. The ones I know thought everything was OK and almost overnight were blindsided by their husbands' cheating and the fact that he's miserable. I don't get it, but my guess (aka my husband's input) is that they were unhappy for a long time and either A) didn't have the balls to speak up and lay down the law with their wives or B) tried to speak up but their wives' reaction only made things worse. Which brings me to something else I've noticed over the last couple of years:

Women go completely insane in their 30's. So many women my age are dealing with mental illness, full blown addictions, or some auto-immune disease that makes them bonkers. Friends that used to have it completely together are now batsh*t crazy.

I blame parenthood. After the babies outgrow diapers and go to school, parents come up for air and realize how much of their life has been sucked out of them. Something snaps. Add to that the fact that you don't need each other to make it through daily existence now that the kids are more independent, and everyone just kind of bails. Women lose their minds, men walk away in whichever way is easiest.

At that point making it last is a conscious decision. It does come down to character. Anyone can cheat, it's not exactly an achievement.

Lithe and Insighful Female wrote:

OBJAD wrote:

Where the women giving the men one bj a day? It's simple as that, if they did, most guys wouldn't have the desire to go see other women and would be happy.

Hmmm. Not so sure about this. I know of a woman who provides her dutiful daily BJ and yet her husband has cheated on her throughout their relationship (dating and two decades of marriage). It makes absolutely no difference to him...He is constantly on the prowl.

In my experience, the chronic cheaters are men who have deep seeded emotional issues. I've also noticed an interesting pattern of learning disabilities among the cheaters I've been acquainted with. Everything from reading disabilities to ADHD to language acquisition issues, but the commonality is that they were "smart" guys who struggled in school and did not feel successful as young men.

Didn't you cheat on your husband with "smart" guy a few years back?

Hmmm...

Asked your husband about YOUR relationship lately?

You must have me confused with another poster. I've never cheated on my husband with a smart guy.

Are you the Catholic abortionist?

I won't cheat. Period. But I can understand the drive, when your woman is always anxious, angry or just plain miserable no matter how hard you try. It's just who she is. I think it boils down to Daddy issues. If Daddy was an a-hole, well so are you and there is nothing you can do to change how she feels about you.

Before we got married, my wife told me she loved me almost because I was so unlike her father. I was attentive, caring, emotionally aware, easy-going yadda etc. But am no push over, I am admittedly a pretty driven, ambitious person. As the years went on, I noticed she began to accuse me of doing all the things that her father did to her mother. That she felt like a single parent, that I did not sympathize with how difficult her life was, and that I demanded her to toe the line with all my plans (daily or long term). It was off the walls absurd, because I listen to her daily, play and help out with the kids daily, do my chores around the house daily, and I am quick to accommodate her schedule. Every time I suggest we do something fun together, she feels burdened to have to plan the logistics even when I offer to do so. She complains how unfair it is that I am so happy (with my job, running, hobbies, love hanging out with the kids etc), while she struggles with her job, how the kids behave around her, and that she has no hobbies. The increasing distance is affecting our kids, I know they are concerned and I can't hide it from them.

I chat with cute girls everyday at work and notice myself getting more friendly with them than I am with my guy friends. I have to stop myself because I know they are starting to meet a need that is not met at home. Sucks, but there it is. I won't cheat. I have that fine line, but I can feel the pull. Starting couples counseling next week.

Maybe your wife is unhappy because she realized that she married a moron who actually puts tremendous stock in pop psychology theories.

fitzgerald wrote:

Maybe your wife is unhappy because she realized that she married a moron who actually puts tremendous stock in pop psychology theories.

Ha, you're right. Clearly the DSM makes no mention of paternal influence on adult personality pathology. (read sarcasm) Sorry, they teach you these things in med school. And no, I am not a psychiatrist, not by a long shot.

mgm wrote:

There's no denying that we are sexual beings,whether we're talking about a woman in her 30's who is super horny or guys who can't get enough. But we're missing a central ingredient in this discussion.

LOVE

An ealier poster already alluded to it in referring to his life partner or soulmate.

This is not any kind of love, but true love, and what we are seeing in society is a proliferation of loveless marriages. People who got married and were never in love to begin with.

Exclusivity within a romantic relationship is intrinsic to both lovers, and indeed a mutual expectation.

I would even go as far to say that acts of infidelity are more often forgiven by the man or woman who is inextricably bound by the sincerest form of love there is.

Happy are thhose who find it, I haven't...yet

This post made me want to gag.

Agreed. Can you imagine what this guy is like in real life?

yeah, I just re-read it and threw up in my mouth. Anyone that uses the term "lovers" uggghhhhh loser with a capital L.

Im picturing a balding guy in a tweed sports coat with elbow patches, maybe even a pipe.

ataglance wrote:

yeah, I just re-read it and threw up in my mouth. Anyone that uses the term "lovers" uggghhhhh loser with a capital L.

Im picturing a balding guy in a tweed sports coat with elbow patches, maybe even a pipe.

Interesting...I was thinking more like a guy in his early 20s who is super religious and got married young so he could finally get laid. Whomever he is, I'm sure he'll be back with some high and mighty response about how his love is on a greater moral plane than the rest of us, totally oblivious to the fact that his concept of love is more like that of a teenage girl than an adult.

Here's what happens:

Women are busy raising kids, doing errands, managing the household. The man might very well be busy at his job making the money, but it's not as difficult as taking care of little brats, keeping up the house, making everyone's meals. Consequently, the woman is more tired and can't always give the man the amount of attention his ego apparently thinks the prick deserves. Instead of seeing it from her side, he starts nitpicking the fact that she's letting herself go, ignoring him, etc. So he cheats.

In the scenario of the kidless couple, if the woman works she's still managing the household, all the grocery shopping, and meals.

Men seem to be as needy for attention as women, if not more. For example, if their dick is small (or so they say), they may feel the need to compensate by having groupies, even if their SO is showering them with affection.

Men can be selfish pricks. Women can be too, but I don't believe it's their tendency to cheat as often as men.

Nice try, the one woman on Letsrun. Unfortunately you are wrong. 1. Women cheat at similar frequencies as men. 2. Taking care of some kids and going grocery shopping is NOT hard.

A) I don't have kids. But I'm pretty sure taking care of them is difficult. Then again, so is taking care of a manchild, so there's that.

B) Don't take what I said so personally.