Pics?
Pics?
You can move to Nazi Israel if you don't like divorce.
Get out now.
I spent five years in your life, everyday sucked.
Now I'm 11 years into my second marriage. We've never had a fight, it's never been "work", it's never been a struggle. I haven't changed at all, except for one important thing: I chose a better (non-psychotic) wife the second time.
The right person is easy to be married to, the wrong one can never be fixed. You chose the wrong one, most of us do at some point. Some of us (me included) went and married them, despite any red flags that crept up.
You have no kids, get out now.
You have no idea the hell that is child support. And I'm not referring to the financial hit, kids are always expensive. It's everything else about the system that will crush you.
lagunarun wrote:
Some of the girls I run with could easily run you into the ground. Beyond that, they are far more beautiful than any girl a condesending fool like you could ever hope to hang out with. I highly doubt you can run 5:45 after 10 miles.
Really? How many of them have run a 4:09 mile? Nothing to brag about for a guy, I know. Especially on a place like this where there are many, much better runners. But you run with girls a whole lot faster than this? Somehow I doubt it.
And beautiful? Well, the truth is that my GF is a former model and now a national champion caliber ballroom dance competitor. I'm not too concerned that I am missing out on the girls you hang out with.
Truth is, you are probably an ugly girl yourself. Or a guy who wouldn't have any idea what to do if he bumped into a beautiful girl on the street.
I don't want to read through the rest of the posts, so maybe someone else pointed this out.
So you want her to get shape and lose weight, but you ignore the fact that she wants you to run less and gain weight?
You married a bi-polar, fat, psychotic train wreck. Why do so many runner men fall for such hopeless messes? All the meds in the world won't change the wiring problems in a bi-polar brain.
Here we go again wrote:
Really? How many of them have run a 4:09 mile?
Well, the truth is that my GF is a former model and now a national champion caliber ballroom dance competitor.
Douchebag awesomeness!
i once read a quote (i can't remember what it says word for word) that said something like, "do the things you love and you'll find the one you love." maybe through things you enjoy doing (like running or whatever else), you may find someone better for you... or maybe, you realize that your wife really is the one for you and that there is a way to work it out
It sounds like you need to first sit down with her and talk about this because a lot of couples don't ever communicate these kind of problems effectively. Hopefully you have already had a conversation with someone you trust and sought out some advice. That's what your friends are for bro! Dude, instead of leaving her when now when she needs you the most why don't you serve her, care for her, and pour yourself out for her the way a man should for his bride? When you married her you vowed to be with her til death do you part. And if her gaining weight is a reason then why did you marry her in the first place knowing 99.9% of women gain weight. You should be in love with her for her personality, not just her physical appearance because that fades away over time. I hope you can rekindle your love with her and not abandon her, but be there to support her now more than ever!
kickin it in el aziza wrote:
I don't want to read through the rest of the posts, so maybe someone else pointed this out.
So you want her to get shape and lose weight, but you ignore the fact that she wants you to run less and gain weight?
I hope he ignores this fact. Are you suggesting he adopt a slothful lifestyle to appease her?
Being lean and fit requires effort and discipline. It tells us something about that person. And no, you don't need to have a running obsession to be fit and lean. Many very competitive runners train 80 to 100 mpw and are great spouses and parents while holding FT jobs. Others exercise a more simply daily discipline. Not racing fit, but just damn fit. Great way to treat the gift of health with respect.
Being fat and out of shape reflects poorly on the character of the person. So yeah, she's fat, she's fat and that's just that, and, as he is trying to do, he should encourage her fat A@@ to get a moving and if she doesn't, he should be gone.
Life is too short. When in doubt, move on....
mdo wrote:
Norman,
My brother went through almost this exact same scenario. I echo the comments around getting counseling first and your wife needs to keep treating her depression. His wife went from about 110 lbs to 200 in less than two years after marriage and couldn't hold a job. She just wanted to stay home and have kids, even while battling depression.
Fast forward 15 years, my brother stayed with his wife and they have two kids. The wife still battles depression and major health issues. My brother is working 50 hours/week and takes care of the kids in the morning and when he gets home as his wife can't physically handle it. He's put on weight as well as he has almost no time to himself for working out. She is either in bed or on the computer most of the day. She is not a pleasant person and disassociates herself from family get togethers.
I could not tolerate that lifestyle but he has stuck with her. Life is too short to live that way, in my biased opinion.
ha! ha! ha!
atownrunnin wrote:
I'll keep it simple: get out while you can. If you feel like you have given your best to the relationship then just do it, because with each step you make in your life it gets that much harder.
I knew within the first couple of years of getting married that I had really made a mistake. But I tried to hang in there because it was what I thought I was supposed to do, and once the kids came along I didn't want to split up my family. Down the road we moved into a house, so I decided to stick it out, our first child came, stick it out, moved again, stick it out, baby No. 2...you get the picture.
It was the same thing as others have mentioned: I got the shut-off (of course), and she was always depressed and never happy (standards of happiness being unattainable), was controlling never wanted to spend time with me. I worked two jobs but when I had time off she would make plans with other people, and when I would bust my butt to get home from work at night I'd get home (like around 9:30) to find her in bed asleep. On a weekend! She never supported my running or my other activities/hobbies and when I would suggest going to a movie or dinner or something she'd be like "we'll see, maybe". She recently admitted at the end of our relationship she was no longer attracted to me.
That went on for 18 years! Three years ago I finally decided to ask for a divorce and while the first year or so absolutely sucked and I hate not living with my boys (although I only live about a mile from them now) it's the best thing I could have done. Like a lot of people I came out on the other side so much happier, I have a great girlfriend and I feel better about my life and the future. It's a struggle financially sometimes, and I still have to deal with her drama because of the kids, but in the end it was hard but the best thing for me.
When I was going through some hard times, I remember talking to a friend of mine who has also been divorced and he said "in two years none of what you feel will matter". It's two-plus years later and he is right. It will suck for a while, no doubt, but once you can get past it and move forward with your life you won't regret it.
who are you foolin?
you will always be tied to that monster...
ha, ha, loser!
Some Perspective wrote:
Well Norman. First off-my situation was a little different than yours. My wife had an affair with a close friend. We were friends with another married couple who was having difficulties. I won't get into that. There are parts of your story that ring true to me.
First-my wife was unhappy with her work for years. She ran at an elite level so she never got fat. We went through a period where we adopted a dog--bought a new house--new car--new furniture--and were discussing kids. She always insisted that these things would make her happy. They didn't. I suspect that if we had a child--that would not have made her happy either. (Her affair was disastorous too. Not my problem). Also--very little sex with me during the year prior to the discovery of the affair.
It sounds like your life will be better without her. As soon as I moved out and made a decision it was like a sense of euphoria. I didn't have to babysit her anymore (she was a well-paid immature girl who had no concept of money). I'm lucky that I carry no guilt. I sense that you may have more than me as your wife didn't
Right now-we are just waiting for the divorce to be final. I did what I could to save the marriage. I truly did. I honestly don't think your marriage can be saved. I think you would both be better off on your own.
There is life after divorce--trust me. Because of the affair--I felt worthless. It did not take long to shake that.
Good Luck on what will be a very tough next 12 months (no matter what you decide).
Ha! another loser.. I love it!
Norman.
Please kill yourself.
You're such a loser.
Ha!
Please get out, NOW!!!!!
Your first problem, you came to letsrun.com for marriage counseling... does 'til death do us part' mean nothing anymore? fight for it!
dude get rid of the crazy unhappy wife. get someone else who is sane! it sucks to get divorce but it would be worse if you had kids with this wacko
Get religion. (serious)
I feel the need to update this thread.
My wife and I separated in March of 2012 and our divorce was finalized in November 2012.
I stuck it out as long as I could.
Over Christmas 2011, my wife and I stayed at my parent’s house and one evening she picked a fight with my mother over something very trivial. My wife was very much in the wrong in the argument and was completely disrespectful. My father stepped in to protect my mother and it was resulted in a massive blowup in which we ended up leaving and cutting our holiday trip short. It was an absolute disaster and a major setback in our relationship.
Cut to March 2012, and my wife is picking fights with me almost every other day and I’m constantly pacifying her and walking on eggshells. One night, she goes full tilt on me and I completely lost my cool and we got into a screaming match. Later that night, I tell her that I want to get a divorce.
We weren’t able to sell our house until August of 2012, so we lived together during that time but just in separate rooms. Things were civil. In September 2012, I moved out of our house and into an apartment on the other side of town. As I carried the last box out to my car, she started crying – as did I – and we hugged and kissed for the last time. I texted her and told her that I will love her always, no matter what.
At our divorce proceeding in November, after not seeing her for two months, my wife had miraculously lost all of her weight. She is also very cold and b!tchy when I had to correspond with her that day and she treats me like a total stranger.
From August 2012 to March 2013, I trained like a madman, running 80mpw in a brutal winter. I had no social life. All I did was run, work, and eat. I was doing 3 track workouts a week indoors and running myself into the ground. It sucked, and I raced poorly.
In March 2013 we had to meet to discuss taxes. My wife is now back to her wedding weight and looks beautiful again. As the meeting ended, I pulled her aside to talk with her to see how she was coping. Trying merely to be friendly and cordial. She took it as opportunity to bash the living crap out of me. She said the following:
1. I ask her if she moved back in the area (she lived with a friend out of town for a few months). "I do live in the area now but I don't need to tell you where I live."
2. "This is the last time we ever have to meet, I don't need to see you anymore. I moved on."
3. "I am seeing someone now" I ask her if I know him. She looks at me for a long time with a blank stare and says "no."
I have a friend that works with my wife – and she told me all the dirt. Turns out, I do remember the guy because my wife and I worked for the same company before I left the place and got a new job while we were married. I remember the guy walking by my cubicle.
Turns out that after a mere three months after our divorce, she began sleeping with this guy who is a department director of the company that she still works for. The guy is ugly, fat, and short, but makes more money than me. She wasted no time getting back into a serious relationship, which left me very depressed. I don’t believe she ever cheated on me. I’m fairly certain by what I heard from others that she never did that. She simply jumped at the first guy available and never bothered to look outside the office.
My depression over the divorce and my wife moving on so fast left me virtually lifeless. Let me tell you, the visual of my ex-wife screwing someone new drove me to some very bad places. It’s also complicated by the fact that I desperately wanted intimacy with her during marriage…and she was just too depressed. So, she made all the changes for the new guy, but not her own husband. As a result, I lost even more weight, quit running, and spent literally 4 months in hell. I also sought counseling.
My wife has thoroughly integrated herself into this guy’s family already. The guy also attended her brother’s destination wedding. It is all very sad and hurtful because even though she was terrible to me, I did really love her a lot. I made a vow to do so…it just became too much.
I would say she will probably try to marry this guy. He’s 33 and has never been married before. She’s 31 and wants to have kids NOW. You can put the rest of it together…
After a bit of research into her character, it turns out she most likely has Borderline Personal Disorder. She has virtually all the traits, took all the meds, etc. So it will only be a matter of time before she implodes again and drags this guy down to the levels I was at two years into my marriage.
So, where am I at now? Well, I’m trying to get back into running but the fire is gone. I met this beautiful girl in June and we are casually dating/screwing but I’m taking things very slowly. I dated a few girls in April, no sparks. I’m not 100% still – not completely recovered – but I’m fighting.
I have no interest in getting married again.
I just want to say thanks, Letsrun, for offering advice nearly two years ago. People normally don’t bump these threads, but I just thought about it the other day and decided to update it.
Divorce is a horrible, horrible thing. Try to avoid it.
You are lucky you got out. I would put money on it that in 5 years or less, she will marry this guy, have a kid, and make that guys life hell.
Someone's personality doesn't just change because they are with someone else.
Hang in there and thanks for reporting back.