Why on earth are some people still having kids now?

itd be nice to have a kid, but then i'd actually have to find a man who wants to have a serious relationship and get married to me. dont want to go the single mom route. its like relationships are toxic to men...and i'm talking about men in their late 30s and 40s not guys in their 20s.

I don’t understand… I really don’t! I had my first kid at 22. I just started a job as a personal trainer and made ~32k/year.

Lived in a decent apartment.

My wife stayed at home with the kid.

I had lots of free time; I could run, work and be with my family.

Had a second kid at 25.

Moved up to ~37k. Still living in said apartment.

The 5 years I worked as a trainer I saved 25k, paid off two (used) cars and my wife’s student loans. If the market hadn’t gone crazy, and I hadn’t gotten into grad school, I’d have bought a decent house in my area.

You’re doing something wrong if you’re not saving bank as a single.

I’m guessing you eat out often and have a subscription to every TV service?

LRC_investor_the_real_one wrote:

GOPrunnerboi wrote:

Either way, more and more liberals have this way of thinking, and are not having kids. Im ok with that.

+1000

It’s biology & migraines in our DNA. It’s all about sex, sex, sex.

albrecht durer wrote:

Liberals are morons.. wrote:

You're exactly the sort of person that shouldn't be having children.

Don't change a thing.

Ooh, I feel so hurt and triggered.

I have 2 kids, but unlike most of the people who successfully reproduced on this site and consider it to be some divine act of god, don't exclusively identify with my role as a father nor do I think having children is one's greatest achievement. Yes, I love my kids but parenthood is overrated and distracts people from caring about anyone outside of their families, which is a problem.

Continue to roast me, go ahead. I just see through the parenthood halo effect bullsh*t.

You're obviously projecting.

Is 1100 sq feet house considered small? For one person?

My house is 7x7 meter square, that's 1055 sq feet for 2 main floors + attic. It's almost too large for the two of us because it's kind of hard to keep clean. During the winter I have a 'work room' and 'treadmill room'. Both, especially the latter, are luxuries most people can hardly afford in city apartments. People are keen to visit after the snow goes away so I store my treadmill and bring my laptop up to the attic and have 2 guest bedrooms.

I'd bet you're also over-consuming in over areas. If you actually wanted to have kids you wouldn't care. Millions of children are raised in relative poverty and have a great childhood, get a decent education and turn out quite OK in adult life. Maybe the idea that you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford all the best and most expensive stuff is imprinted through the media as a means to fight overpopulation.

Having kids is a way of fulfilling yourself. It's a natural instinct and satisfying it gives a lot of pleasure, even if it comes at a price and has a lot of ways to go wrong, too. Unfortunately my wife is reluctant to go through childbirth, but she still has about a decade to change her mind. I'm always happy and a bit jealous when I visit friends who do have kids.

I don't care much about overpopulation or climate change or bleak future. Human life has always been full of suffering. That's why it's very selfish to bring someone new to this world without asking if they want to. But I am selfish so that's just an excuse to stop my parents' questions 'when you're going to have kids'.

My Muslim coworker is so predictable

He got married at 25 with an arranged marriage. Literally saw this chick once (flew to Palestine to meet her). A couple months after they met, they got married. Immediately after wedding they start having kids ..

I have nothing wrong with them, it's just so boring and predictable. Like not an interesting person at all. Going through the. Cookie cutter plan of his people to a T.

Lame.

I have 3 young kids and can't figure out why everyone wouldn't want kids. Best decision of my life.

B0NER wrote:

30 year old guy wrote:

Finances - how the hell do you afford kids? I'm making more ($75K/year) than most people my age, and I feel like I'm barely scraping by in a moderate cost of living area. My laptop is 10 years old, my car has 150,000 miles on it, my house is less than 1100 square feet, and my retirement savings is close to nonexistent

If all of this is true, then you’re really screwing up somehow.

Either:

1. Where does all of your money go?

Or

2. You have a major misunderstanding about at least one detail in there.

LOL. I can't even wrap my head around the original point of the post until I can get some answers on the finances. I would like to see a break down of the money.

Besides OP's 75k problem, I agree with what he says.

The current trajectory of income vs cost of living is apocalyptic for someone born in 22.

If you have a kid now, they're going to cost you about 300k over 18 years. When they are 18, college will cost like 250k at least.

So you're going to have to say, "Sorry, kid. Your grandparents and parents went to college, but we let the world get worse, so you don't get to go. I still think you have it easier than I do because I never had a teleportation device--we had to drive to work."

Your 2022 kid is going to work, live, and die in Amazon District #237b, packing sawdust into canned tuna for off-world cobalt miners. But hey, the stock market they will be legally prevented from entering will be roaring.

albrecht durer wrote:

Liberals are morons.. wrote:

You're exactly the sort of person that shouldn't be having children.

Don't change a thing.

Ooh, I feel so hurt and triggered.

I have 2 kids, but unlike most of the people who successfully reproduced on this site and consider it to be some divine act of god, don't exclusively identify with my role as a father nor do I think having children is one's greatest achievement. Yes, I love my kids but parenthood is overrated and distracts people from caring about anyone outside of their families, which is a problem.

Continue to roast me, go ahead. I just see through the parenthood halo effect bullsh*t.

Dude, give me a break. You only care about yourself, which is why your kids hate you.

If you're republican, please don't procreate. You don't have enough empathy to raise mentally healthy children anyway, and it would only result in more angry sociopaths the world doesn't need.

coachcommentsnicely wrote:

I don’t understand… I really don’t! I had my first kid at 22. I just started a job as a personal trainer and made ~32k/year.

Lived in a decent apartment.

My wife stayed at home with the kid.

I'm about to call BS. What year and city was this? Some midwestern town in 1960?

A household of 3 living on 32K/year in a decent apartment is pure fantasy in 99+% of cities today.

Master of Lolly wrote:

If you're republican, please don't procreate. You don't have enough empathy to raise mentally healthy children anyway, and it would only result in more angry sociopaths the world doesn't need.

I am describing the nightmare that will come from Republicans.

(I also blame Democrats just as much and I believe we need something further left than them but that's not really the discussion)

runnER/DR wrote:

I have 3 young kids and can't figure out why everyone wouldn't want kids. Best decision of my life.

You cannot figure out why other people don't enjoy the same thing you do?

Do you also wonder why everyone else does not enjoy running?

Have you ever heard of the phrase "to each his own"?

As others have said, stop paying thousands on your mortgage. You can do it to get your initial principal down but

Just going through the first page, here are some things that were missed

Finances - huge tax credits on your kid. If you're as frugal with it as you are with yourself you can pretty much break even.

Time - rely on your parents/in laws because they probably want to spend time with their grandkids anyway. You can also get paternity leave at most places so that's a little extra time for you.

Future - what about your future? Do you want to die alone? It's funny that a lot of people think about retirement but never how their relationships will look like during that time. Most of the people you know now will be dead or gone. Your body will be broken down. How do you think you will move forward? I'd advise you to go to a senior center and talk with some people there.

Just Another Hobby Jogger wrote:

runnER/DR wrote:

I have 3 young kids and can't figure out why everyone wouldn't want kids. Best decision of my life.

You cannot figure out why other people don't enjoy the same thing you do?

Do you also wonder why everyone else does not enjoy running?

Have you ever heard of the phrase "to each his own"?

Oh no I definitely "get" why people decide not to. But the vast majority of people would find life far more fulfilling and purposeful if they had children. I definitely get it. Parenting is hard sometimes and involves sacrifice and selflessness.

I also get why people consume way too many calories. And why people don't exercise. I TOTALLY get it. It's the easy way out.

But the easiest path in life is rarely the most rewarding.

What I don't get is how the most "educated" society in history can't see the enormous long-term benefits of starting a family. All these expensive degrees and people still can't figure out what actually makes people happy.

runnER/DR wrote:

What I don't get is how the most "educated" society in history can't see the enormous long-term benefits of starting a family. All these expensive degrees and people still can't figure out what actually makes people happy.

Raising kids makes you happy. That's great.

I have a big news for you. Some people don't find happiness in raising kids. Do you personally know any parent who regrets having children? Do you think they are misguided for having that regret?

Did you have "happy" childhood? How do you describe your relationship with your parents?

Do you personally know people who had unhappy childhood, and still cannot overcome their childhood trauma after decades? Do you know many people do not want to become parents because they do not want to reproduce the misery their parents caused?

I enjoy running. But unlike you, I don't look down on people who don't run.

duuuuddee wrote:

Future - what about your future? Do you want to die alone? It's funny that a lot of people think about retirement but never how their relationships will look like during that time. Most of the people you know now will be dead or gone. Your body will be broken down. How do you think you will move forward? I'd advise you to go to a senior center and talk with some people there.

Sacrificing the best 18+ years of your life to make your last 3 or so years more bearable doesn't sound like a good return on investment. And that assumes you don't have special-needs kids and that your kids still live within driving distance of you.