Post-nuptial shutoff?

grain trader wrote:

My advice is to find someone you are very compatible with and like being with. I'm not talking only about sex, but truly like being with. The sex will happen if you both enjoy each other and are compatible sexually.

i definitely agree with this statement.

i just discovered this thread. Amazing advice.

227

just a couple of random thoughts from reading this- so you were with someone you weren't compatible with for 26 years? Wow, do you feel at all that those years were wasted? That is a big chunk of life - that must be a huge regret.- i gotta say, i think it is weird to keep track of sex, but that is just me. i got no problem if anyone feels the need to do that but i think it is strange - it isn't a basketball game, there is no score, it is sex

I haven't looked at this thread in quite a while. I never counted the days before, but I think I am going to start. I am 0/13 this year so far, and fully expect to run it to 14 tonight.. It actually stretches back into 2009, but I'll just run the day count this year. It's bad enough knowing that 2009 was somewhere in the neighborhood of 8/365.

bump

When i caught her the second time with another guy, and we knew it was over, she said, "I don't love you and I never have". So yes, 26 years feels wasted, although I have 3 great boys that got to have a family--at least what 4 out of 5 of us thought was a family.

I agree, keeping track of sex can trivialize the act. But, if both parties are compatible with that, it can be a bonding, fun experience--my opinion. We are all different and look at things differently. And no, it is not a scoreboard as much as it is a way to remanicse(sp) about the year we had together (my definition). Obviously, this was not compatible with my ex, but neither was anything else when I finally found out I was living a Lie and naive/frustrated with trying to make the relationship work.

First of all keeping track like that is pretty creepy especially since you were able to correlate it with her infidelity etc. At least you had the good sense to get divorced even if it took you 26 years. By the way for future reference if you only get laid once a week(56/365) in the first year you are married you should not be married.

0/2010, woohoo. I might as well be a eunic

How're you all doing in 2010?

INCLUDING you Ivy Leaguers. LOL.

OK guys, I need some advice. My best friend got engaged after graduating from college last spring. He's been living with his finance ever since and the plan on getting married next winter. Recently he's been complaining a LOT about being shut off. Things were great before they got engaged and were good early into the engagement. Now, however, he sounds like a guy straight out of this thread. Having read this thread, I'm terrified for him...If things are this bad at 23, what the hell are they going to be like at 40 after a few kids? What would you guys tell him to do?

IMO, this is going to be a huge issue in his marriage. They need to get it straightened out now. If not, they're both going to be miserable, unless they both are happy with a non-sexual relationship.

He has to take charge of the situation now somehow. This sounds similar to my mistake. Me and my future wife showed signs of having the same problem while we dated. After the initial f*ckfest like in all relationships, as committments furthered her desire for sex diminished. First it was living together, then engagement, then marriage, then a baby, then when you get shut off you're f*cked...except the exact opposite.

This has lead to major issues within our marriage. If she had tried this "cut-off" on me before we were married our relationship would not have lasted, but now I just can't go find another (I believe in the sanctity of marriage) so I have to figure out how to work it within the marriage, and I've tried EVERYTHING. I sincerely think he has to confront her about it, explain to her what part sex plays in a relationship in his mind and see if she's on board. Maybe even back off their relationship for awhile so she understands he's serious. If he doens't get ahold of this now, it will haunt him, mark my very frustrated words!

ynzr wrote:

He's been living with his finance ever since and the plan on getting married next winter.

Maybe if he didn't look upon her as a monetary thing, she might have different responses.

F***! You win.

So what does he do...just say, "Put out or I'm leaving"? It seems a little complicated especially since they live together thousands of miles from the closest friends and family (he's in the military).

Whats a BJ

Chic Harley... wrote: and I've tried EVERYTHING.

I finally tried an xbox. For me, it's immersive enough to not care.

You see, it's already happening to him, they now live together, and he is isolated, she has little reason to satisfy him in bed. Now add marriage & baby to the below and he's in for a lifetime of frustration. I think he should talk to her about it, but the problem there is if you keep talking about it, it takes away the fun, and makes it feel like you're "making" her do it, that takes the fun out of it too, it's a vicious circle...

ynzr wrote:

So what does he do...just say, "Put out or I'm leaving"? It seems a little complicated especially since they live together thousands of miles from the closest friends and family (he's in the military).