Well, things don't look so good.
My marriage was very difficult for the first 4-5 years. Had many of the same issues you have and it basically boiled down to poor self-confidence in my wife and my own selfishness and ego thinking I was right and she was wrong.
Initially my reactions were similar to yours. Getting angry, feeling cheated, not wanting to give up positive things (running, friends, etc). Logically what I was thinking made sense. But the result was a polarized relationship. I was always pissed and feeling held back. My wife was feeling like a loser.
I spent most of my time thinking about what my wife needed to do to get on track. When I stopped doing that and started thinking about what I could do to make myself happier and healthier, the pressure came off my wife and our relationship stopped feeling doomed. Then, over time, my wife started looking objectively at her own situation and realized why I had been unhappy with her. She took it upon herself to get back in shape, and get back in school. She started taking a lot more responsibility with chores and errands and now we have an awesome relationship and family, and we work hard to help each other out. This is the kind of relationship you want to strive for. You've got to change your thinking to get there. I had to give up some selfish pursuits (cut the mileage down for one). It might not happen with this wife, but you'll have to learn for the next one so you might as well start now.
You have to accept your wife as she is right now, with no anger or judgment. Then you work on helping her get what she needs (NOT what she says she wants and NOT what you want from her). Once (if) her life improves noticably, she may start to lose the hopelessness and start trying. Then, after all that, you might start to get something you need. But probably only if she actually loves you.
Your lack of sex is a big issue. You blame her, and say you don't really need it or that you're distracting yourself with other things. What do you think she's thinking? There are only 4 options: 1) You are a closet masturbater, 2) You're having an affair, 3) You have a sex drive problem (medical issue), 4) You're gay. All of those are serious problems that require you to address whichever one it is.
Chiding her about her weight is a killer. I can't believe you crossed that line. Very hard to come back from that. You need to make her feel sexy at her current weight if you ever want to repair her self-esteem enough to get her to care about herself again.
Since you don't have kids, the odds are you will eventually get a divorce. Bringing something like this back is like putting in the 140 mile weeks when you're a 2:50 marathoner. You have to really want to get where you say you want to go. My advice for you is to give it a little time and follow some of my above advice. On the bad days when you're sure it isn't going to work, you can look at it like practice for your next hard relationship. Because you will have another hard relationship if you don't learn to stop thinking selfishly (your initial post talks a lot about your needs and problems but sheds little light on your wife's...this is a red flag). Ultimately you will only stay in this marriage if you have accepted that you're going to stand by her until the end. Only you know if she means that much to you. Don't waste your time if you don't feel that way about her.