Christmas is Here, I am expected to chea ton my wife

hey look, I can do it too wrote:

Aren't you society? Seems like Russell's paradox to me.

not necessarily. Someone agreeing with you does not make your decision secondhand. He's basically saying "You can feel this way," and OP can decide based on what he feels.

I cant seem to find the thread, must have been deleted.

HC wrote:

Unlike everyone else I say be honest with her. She may not like that you're not going to dunk your funk, but she won't like it whether you make up some absurd lie or tell the truth. With the truth at least she has the option to respect it and leave you alone.

If she's going to go psycho, she'll do it regardless of what reasoning you give her.

And if she does tell your wife, just continue the honesty with her. You're responsible for creating this situation. Now it's time to handle it responsibly regardless of consequences.

+1. People are very good at understanding, but it's your job to make her understand. You should do so carefully, knowing why you hooked up with her when you did ("young and stupid" doesn't cut it as an explanation) and why you don't want to do it now, and you need to convey this to her without being judgmental about the fact that she wants to keep it going. Explain to her why you're in a different place now, respect the fact that she might not be, and generally make sure you treat her like an equal when you break it off. Help her understand, give her the "it was fun while it lasted", and you can both walk away feeling dignified.

And also, ignore all the sanctimonious idiots who are chastising you. Real relationships and real people are more complicated than fortune cookie aphorisms and it sounds like you get that. We make decisions for real reasons having nothing to do with being inherently weak or strong, good or evil. When we understand that, we can own our past and improve our future.

The OP has a lot more to lose than he will gain by confessing. The truth is that everyone has skeletons in the closet and everyone has made mistakes. This is just a fact of life. Who is to say his wife hasn't had someone on the side either. We are all far from perfect. The perfect relationship does not exist. I am willing to bet that most relationships have lasted by one or both parties keeping a secret to themselves. Sometimes things work out better when you just don't know.

What is the issue? wrote:

The OP has a lot more to lose than he will gain by confessing. The truth is that everyone has skeletons in the closet and everyone has made mistakes. This is just a fact of life. Who is to say his wife hasn't had someone on the side either. We are all far from perfect. The perfect relationship does not exist. I am willing to bet that most relationships have lasted by one or both parties keeping a secret to themselves. Sometimes things work out better when you just don't know.

as noted earlier, i am in the camp of this quoted poster on this topic.

even some of those in the "come clean" camp recognize that he would be doing so to make himself feel better in the long run. that just strikes me as selfish and needlessly painful for his spouse. the OP can't change the past. the best thing he can do now is to be a good husband and father going forward.

as for the original topic, i'll briefly say again, why are you afraid of honesty? did something happen in either of the last two years that would give you cause to be concerned about this other woman's reaction? lying seems like a far riskier approach than honesty.

(and yes, i recognize that it's a little odd that i'm advising lying - or really omission - with the OP's wife and honesty with his friend on the side).

I deliberated about this for a while and I think I have the answer:

Fake your death.

If she finds out you're still alive she will either be:

A. relieved, and the sex will at least be better

B. angry, but more at the rediculousness of what you did and how bad it makes her look, and because of her added looking-bad-ness, she'll be less likely to come clean. Who wants to be the girl who some guy faked his death to get rid of? That's going to follow you for a loooong time.

Just delete the email

You haven't because you want a rerun

Bring me along, say I'm your half brother.

Say I'll carry on the family tradition of banging her senselss all night from now on.

Kill her.

Obvious Troll post

1) He only stated that he ignored her the past two years, meaning which, he only grew closer to his wife in the last 2 years rather than the last 12.

2)Who would keep going back to someone else yearly even the second you relationship with your wife become closer?

3)How often do you see someone when you try to stop having sex with them? Personally if I'm avoiding a girl I think I'd avoid lengthy conversions in any situation.

I could list off counter points all day, but the best way to disprove a troll is to find undeniable truth in your claims.

o.O wrote:

Obvious Troll post

1) He only stated that he ignored her the past two years, meaning which, he only grew closer to his wife in the last 2 years rather than the last 12.

2)Who would keep going back to someone else yearly even the second you relationship with your wife become closer?

3)How often do you see someone when you try to stop having sex with them? Personally if I'm avoiding a girl I think I'd avoid lengthy conversions in any situation.

I could list off counter points all day, but the best way to disprove a troll is to find undeniable truth in your claims.

What? You aren't making much sense.

1) So what? The past two years have been crucial in his relationship, they have helped him grow. 2 years is a long time. Also, he stated that he thought he was moving away and the situation would take care of itself.

2) Just because your relationship gets better doesn't mean the temptation isn't there. Also, he DID stop going to meet this woman, two years ago.

3) What does this even mean? The guy never said he sees her all the time. He said he knew her socially and through work. He never had any lengthy conversations with her; she sent him a psycho email.

Counter Points? What are you even referring to?

OP could reply escalating something to the point where she knows she would not go for it. Tell her you have secretly discovered your homosexual side and would only meet her this year is she and her husband would be interested in a threesome. That way her fear of being exposed and the hopeful repulsion of the thought of her husband's being gay would shut her down. And, in the process, make sure to throw in a relatively unpleasant STD caught in the process of your coming out. Why not use three points of contention to dissuade her

Tell her you will meet her but that you want to try something new - you want to wear disguises/masks this year. Send a friend to go take care of the business.

I called her this morning and left her a voicemail. I asked her to call back at the office.

Basically, I said, "Hey it is me. Listen, we need to put an end to this for a number of reasons, but not becasue it wasn't fun. Call me and I can explain."

I plan to tell her that my family is my #1 priority and that I do not want to hurt anyone. If she reacts negatively, I will play it by ear.

Again, why would you create evidence that can be used against you? Email. Voicemail. If nothing else, word it differently, or, indicate nothing about what you are talking about. If you call her, she will know what you are calling about. So far, I have seen no evidence you will not screw this up. Winging it is not a good plan. About as effective as saran wrap as a bullet proof vest and just as transparent.

Tell her you have converted to Judaism and no longer recognize Christmas. Problem solved.

If this lady is as much of a cat as described, she probably has guys lined up for every major holiday--new years, presidents day, easter, memorial day and so on until closing out the year with her yule log boy. I bet this lady gets off more holidays per year than a postal worker.

You've been told this many times already, but avoid at all costs. Shalom!

Here is a picture from a recent office trip:

http://tinyurl.com/forletsrun

I am the one with the beard and she is in the middle dressed in black.

o.O wrote:

Obvious Troll post

1) He only stated that he ignored her the past two years, meaning which, he only grew closer to his wife in the last 2 years rather than the last 12.

2)Who would keep going back to someone else yearly even the second you relationship with your wife become closer?

3)How often do you see someone when you try to stop having sex with them? Personally if I'm avoiding a girl I think I'd avoid lengthy conversions in any situation.

I could list off counter points all day, but the best way to disprove a troll is to find undeniable truth in your claims.

Ooh, mister expert trollinator, I see. You are seriously f***ing retarded if that's your reasoning.

Serious Inquiiry wrote:

Here is a picture from a recent office trip:

http://tinyurl.com/forletsrun

I am the one with the beard and she is in the middle dressed in black.

For a second I thought this was going to be real... Nice try double-I.