I've realized that I'm never going to get married

midwaste wrote:

Steven R wrote: I can't even count the number of times I've heard "you're such an amazing guy...how could you be an atheist?"

This is a good thing. These type of women are not the ones you want to be married to anyway.

Come on. Steven R is making that up. Where is he meeting women at a Christian bible camp? Honestly, how many of us have ever had a woman reject us because we were atheists, or agnostics, or non-practising? Ridiculous.

I find this whole thread disgusting. I am a proud librarian and I can not change that I am what God made me. When I was ten I had fantasies about Dewey Decimal and I often would be found wearing glasses with a chain on them and forced my friends to speak in hushed tones as to not disturb others. My parents disowned me after repeatedly trying to force me to hang out a Barnes and Nobles and other "stores" but I got a thrill every time I took something out for free even if I had to pay late fines!

Just come out and say it; I am a Librarian and I need LOVE! Don't worry about what others might say we are one big sequentially organized community of friends. Letsrun has always shown a distinct phobia to us librarians but I will not be silenced and neither should you!

You are exactly right about not drinking being a limitation. I don't go to bars...I've tried, I just hate being there. The vast majority of the women I meet are through running, outdoors organizations I'm a part of, and online dating. Women I would meet at bars more than likely would not be interested in dating a guy who doesn’t drink or like going to bars. It’s common sense.

Sounds like you have a pretty sweet deal going on, though.

wednesday wrote:

And stop saying women in "DC" are the problem: i.e. religious, drinking, anti-libertarian baby machines. DC is a prime place to meet open minded, anti-big government, athiest career women who don't want kids - other than NY and Cali, I can't think of a better place to do so.

Glad this finally got brought up. DC has tons of singles with a wide variety of ideologies. Drinking is a huge part of the culture here but even then you should be able to meet women who would appreciate that.

I think its time to do some soul searching.

oh please wrote:

midwaste wrote:

This is a good thing. These type of women are not the ones you want to be married to anyway.

Come on. Steven R is making that up. Where is he meeting women at a Christian bible camp? Honestly, how many of us have ever had a woman reject us because we were atheists, or agnostics, or non-practising? Ridiculous.

In the past 4 months I've had two girls refuse to talk to me once they found out I was atheist, and two more change their mind about me once they found out I was atheist (everything was going great until then). I live in a conservative state, but it isn't Utah or the bible belt. I was not the one to bring up religion in any of the cases, nor did I ridicule religion in any way. It didn't matter. Just the thought of atheism was so offensive to them they couldn't be around someone who didn't believe.

Even if you did meet someone who wasn't immediately upset with atheism, it would always be a wedge in the relationship. Try googling something like "how to convert an atheist." You'll get pages and pages of instances of girls trying to convert their atheist boyfriends. Not wanting kids might actually work to the OP's advantage because believing women are going to have a big problem with their husband NOT wanting their child to be indoctrinated from birth.

And OP, don't worry about the stupid responses you're getting. This board is full of idiots.

To the OP: Did you grow up as a Christian and become an atheist later in life? I used to feel much the same way that you do. I'm a childfree atheist and not much of a drinker, but I didn't make a complete split from the church until I was in my mid-20s. For quite a while after that, I felt like I was a total anomaly, the only woman in the world who didn't love Jesus and want children. This wasn't totally irrational- after all, the day I left the church, I was almost the only person in MY world who didn't want those things. I knew how to meet and socialize with Christians- I understood the rules. It took a while to learn how to reach out to a more diverse group of people- and not just in drinking-centric activities.

If this isn't your problem, why don't you go where you KNOW that there are likeminded people (at least in one aspect, but narrowing it down even that much is huge)- volunteer for the Libertarian party, go to a Freethinkers or a No Kidding (childfree) meetup, join an activity group whose activities aren't centered around drinking...

So far I've only been dumped because I was not an atheist. Therefore, Steve R is full of it.

Captain Reality wrote:

I'm 26 and have never met anyone I want to marry, and I don't think I ever will. I'm too independent and solitary. Some people just aren't meant for marriage and I'm one of them. Plus I hate my family and am not excited about starting my own.

Hate is a strong word...and besides life is too short to hate your family.

I was raised by moderate Roman Catholics, and I was agnostic by the time I was 15, and atheist before I left high school. My parents raised us to think for ourselves, and they did not have a problem with it at all. Like I wrote earlier, my family is very close.

I am in organizations full of like-minded people....but they are only like minded on ONE or TWO issues. Like an earlier poster pointed out, my personality traits kind of conflict each other for some people, so I run into that problem.

[quote]Steven R wrote:

Flagpole, you would think that political leanings are not that big a deal, but as I mentioned before, I live in D.C., and this is a major issue for women I meet. [quote]

I am sorry if I do not have sympothy for you Steven. You see, you living in D.C. definately makes it easy for you to find a woman who accepts who you are. I mean seriously man, D.C. has a population of what? The answer is 5.3 MILLION! Quit bitching and find a woman if you want too. There is no way that with your pick of 5.3 million people you can't find one who will accept you. And your four "hurdles" are quite weak. There must be more to it than just those four and you aren't being honest with yourself.

You have a hard time meeting someone in D.C. with 5.3 million in population???? Try living in a small town where you only have 20k population to choose from.

Oh and to prove that there is more to your problem than your 4 hurdles... everyone knows women who are in LOVE with someone doesn't care about their "flaws". Women are creatures who overlook and justify man's shortcomings (I should know, I'm the biggest ass hole around. No woman in their right mind would be with me, yet I've had plenty of women wanting to marry me throughout my adult life).... ONLY if they are in love with the man. Your problem is simply that women don't love you.

Oh, and to your four clauses... mine go like this...

1. I'm an alcoholic.

2. I have no kids and am snipped to prove that I don't want kids.

3. I'm an atheist as well.

4. I'm a libertarian as well.

And I can marry a chick right now if I wanted too. But why would you want to get married if you don't want kids? The only purpose of marrying is to have a family. No kids = no family, or at least not in the full. So why do you wish to be married? And do you seriously not want kids? Are you snipped? If not, then you DO want kids because you are leaving that door of possibility open. I think you are just bitching. Because you'd be snipped if you truelly didn't want kids, and if you are then why get married? Just have relationships and companionship with women and not marry. No big deal unless you want kids.

Oh... and 5.3 MILLION!!!!! And you are bitching about not being able to find a woman.... wow, that's pathetic, how many more do you need in your pool?

you couldn't be more OTM...Michael Jackson even wrote an anthem for us: "Librarian Girl"

my gf has a whooty wrote:

I'm the biggest ass hole around.

At least you got ONE thing right.

Steven R wrote:

The fact that I posted this on a public forum is a sign that I'm NOT taking this too seriously. If this was something that was dragging me down I'd be looking for ways to change or seeking help from more qualified individuals. Instead, I was simply looking for what other runners had to say.

Here's what I have to say: "....

Steven R wrote:

I guess it's a good thing that I don't care what you believe.

Oh

Steven R wrote:

The only posters I've "belittled" were the ones who have questioned my honesty and/or self-reflection.

Those are the ones doing you a favour. You've clearly got issues that you don't like being called out on but you expect everyone to agree with you, kiss your ass and say well done for such an insightful post? You really are full of shit.

The guy who said you're probably a pain to be with got it right.

For the record, I myself have been dumped for being an atheist except that I'm smart enough and honest enough to know that that wasn't the real reason. That was just a way for her to let me down easy without addressing any of my actual character flaws. What really happened was that we had a good thing going and I blew it by being too self-centred. Sound familiar?

what I think wrote:

For the record, I myself have been dumped for being an atheist except that I'm smart enough and honest enough to know that that wasn't the real reason. That was just a way for her to let me down easy without addressing any of my actual character flaws. What really happened was that we had a good thing going and I blew it by being too self-centred. Sound familiar?

No.

that was me wrote:

I could have written that post at age 26, except for the part about having no problems meeting women. Now, I'm a few years older and very happily married. My wife and I match up on all 4 except #3. Life happens fast. It just takes one. You'll be fine.

I could have written it at 26 also. Now I'm 43, still single and would write exactly the same post.

You are right, he will be fine, whether he gets married or not.

Steven R wrote:

what I think wrote:

For the record, I myself have been dumped for being an atheist except that I'm smart enough and honest enough to know that that wasn't the real reason. That was just a way for her to let me down easy without addressing any of my actual character flaws. What really happened was that we had a good thing going and I blew it by being too self-centred. Sound familiar?

No.

"What I think" is probably right. Steven, you seriously think a woman would date you knowing you are an atheist and then suddenly dump you because you are an atheist and no other reason? Come on now. Be logical. Those women aren't dumping you because suddenly they decided they couldn't be with an atheist. They are dumping you because they don't like your personality and are using the whole atheist excuse as a way to be nice.

But you are obviously too arogant to see your own flaws. No one is perfect man, you talk about yourself as if you are except for your "big four" which is total bs. You aren't being true to yourself otherwise you'd know that those four aren't shit. Chicks are dumping you because of other reasons. And they'll keep doing it until you are humble enough to admit your character flaws. Look at me, like I stated I'm a huge ass hole and women don't care. YET when they call me an ass hole I don't deny it like you probably do (deny their pointing out your character flaws). I say "yes, I am an ass hole." But everyone on here saying there is something more, you've blasted. You can't handle people critiquing you and that's probably just one reason why chicks dump you.

Or you suck in bed. :-)

Steven R wrote:

Flagpole, you would think that political leanings are not that big a deal, but as I mentioned before, I live in D.C., and this is a major issue for women I meet. I avoid talking about politics (and religion) at all costs, but as a relationship progresses, these subjects come up.

The poster who mentioned women working at NASA might be onto something. I would be very interested in meeting women who work in the scientific community. I just haven't met any single ones yet.

I used to live in Maryland and worked in DC, so I know what you mean about the more liberal bent there, so why not seek out some women who live in Virginia? If being married or on the path to being married is really a goal of yours, then make it happen brother! Online dating...find a woman in Virginia that's close enough to you so that you can date her. You telling me there aren't any more conservative women living in Alexandria? Hop on that Blue Line and have a date my brother!

I am a liberal. And I am attracted to a socialist government. I don't think that's being hypocritical... but I'm not super involved in politics- so maybe I am getting myself confused. To further clarify: I'm liberal in that I believe in a progressive government. I'm a socialist in terms of health care and that I don't believe in depriving basal medical assistance to those who can't afford it. I guess technically that involves a government that provides for those less fortunate, and in that respect, it's a more invasive system than libertarians affiliate toward- and maybe there are some contradictions in that. But... ideally, I suppose a hybrid government would have potential for success. I don't know...

To the dude who claims there is no population crisis- WAKE UP. Starvation is not a matter of food production or global circulation of food. The earth cannot feed an infinite number of mouths. Today, the number of people in the world is unsustainable. That isn't debatable.

Also- religion is not logical or reasonable. I don't believe 2+2=4 because it was drilled into my head and I've been brainwashed to believe that. It isn't circular that simple addition adds up. It's fact. Fact: there is no evidence of an omnipotent omnipresent force in our universe. There is no evidence of a supreme being that has a plan for all of us. I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate- and I'm sure what I'm saying wont sit well with everyone, but just to defend my earlier post, I do NOT believe 2+2=4 because I read in a book written 2000 years ago. I believe it because it's irrefutable.

Good advice, and I've dated women from as far north as Frederick and as south as Woodbridge. Problem is that the more conservative women tend to be religious. Although I have to admit (and I would have never thought this to be possible) the religious women are WAY more tolerant of opposing views than liberal women.

However, as nice as the religious women are, I have yet to meet one who didn't EVENTUALLY have a problem with my lack or belief, or didn't want kids.

Where in MD did you live?