LongTimer wrote:
Married 25 years here...For the past 15 years, it's been once-a-month. (A great month is twice, a bad month is none) 'It' happens only on a Friday or Saturday night, never on a 'work' night, never when the sun is up, never when the lights are on, only in our bed, never two nights in a row and always after a bottle of wine. At least I know when the time is right! She's still a hotty, not fat, and a great @ss so she's not hiding her looks and I'm sure she's not getting it behind my back. It's just never been that big of deal for her
Honest to God truth....
This could have been my own post. I am speechless.
I'm married for two and a half years. We were both in our 40s when we married. Sex before the marriage was great. We actually had sex--made love--on our first date. Then I fell in love. Then she fell in love. We had an amazing wedding filled with love.
My wife is very cute, very warm and loving, sweet-tempered (never, ever "gives me sh-t") and, when she chooses to be, a wonderful lover. I envy no man. I married the woman who makes me hot--the woman, as somebody once wrote, who makes my d--k hard. She also makes my heart melt.
BUT.
The whole sex-drying-up thing has driven me nuts. Having a kid certainly didn't help. For the first three months of pregnancy, she felt sick to her stomach. For the middle three months we actually had some sex. For the last three months--duh. Then birth. I didn't expect any for the next three months. But then I expected that things would slowly pick back up.
Ah......
Not really. A little. But not nearly enough.
How would I define "enough"?
Early in our relationship, I would have defined enough as twice a week. Of course, every second day would be nice, but twice a week would be OK.
I have repeatedly been forced to redefine that word.
First I cut it back to "once a week."
Then "once every two weeks."
Now we're probably at the "once a month" rubicon. I'm not sure.
Do I sound happy?
Don't get me wrong: I love this woman with all my heart. I'm absolutely delighted with our 11-month old son.
I find my wife immensely attractive. I'm an in-shape 48-year old, a typical runner's build, and on those rare occasions these days when we actually do the nasy, it's pretty clear that my wife enjoys both me and sex. She's not frigid. She kisses me warmly every morning before we part. Big hug and kiss after work. Kiss before sleep.
But--here's the question: When was the last time that she actually came on to ME? And was there ANY time when she came on to me and I said, "Gosh, honey, I'm just not.....I don't know"?
Answers: once in the last year and No.
I'm not yet a hopeless cynic about marriage. I married late and my wife was well worth waiting for. But I'm quietly despairing, and won't pretend that I'm not. I'm still a newlywed!
Here's a secret, though. Sometimes, just sometimes, it helps to be very direct and, when that doesn't work, to make a bit of a stink. On several occasions I've been surprised to find my wife, later that evening, curling around the bedroom door and giving me "the look." Hot monkey love followed.
Damn I love that woman.
And honestly, when I think back to the first eight months of our son's life: my wife was pumping, which is to say, although some actual breastfeeding happened, basically her life was work + five times a day hooked up to the machine for half an hour like a...well, like a farm animal, she said more than once.
So after work + 2 1/2 hours of daily mechanical breast pumping, would YOU feel like making love? Hell no.
So that may be most of it. Things may be looking up.
I hope.
But no: every time I see a Viagra commercial, I laugh and cry inwardly. The last thing in the uckfing WORLD is Viagra. I'm in enough tensile pain already.