For bit more context to the title question, there's been this woman I've noticed at my local run club in recent weeks who's quite attractive. This weekend, I finally got to talk with her a little bit after our group run and I was pretty shocked to find out she's NEVER been in relationship. Never. I didn't want to pry too much by asking "why" but honestly I've been thinking about it and now it feels like I'm looking for reasons. Is this a red flag? Ladies of Letsrun, I know there must be a few of you out there, is this normal?
My gf is 29 and I’m her first boyfriend. She had a lot of bad things happen to her or close family and friends in her 20s such that dating wasn’t a priority, and for the few times when things weren’t as turbulent she didn’t find anyone or it didn’t go well enough or they weren’t able to commit to get to the point of a relationship.
Similar to what others have said, I saw a lot of unsuccessful marriages and turbulence as a kid so never had a good relationship modeled for me. Consequently I was never motivated to seek one out. Plus I went to grad school, did postdocs, and now am a research scientist, which can be all-consuming. I've also been told by married guy friends that guys can get intimidated and not want to date women at certain professional levels of achievement. I was surprised by this. I also have to live in an area that I'm not psyched about, which makes it harder to meet outdoorsy people who like to backcountry ski, trail run, etc. That demographic can be quite limited. I know the original post was about no relationships, but I've had 3 quasi-relationships that I put effort into, but ended up having to do all of the emotional heavy lifting and thus got exhausted and they fell apart. So I'm sure from the outside I look weird and people don't understand why I'm 50 and single, but I have a lot of female and male friends and a big family, so I'm not necessarily driven to find companionship elsewhere. Throw some red flags at me...I'm not too bothered by it and would never be drawn to someone so unkind and judgmental to begin with... As you age you develop stronger and stronger filters too.
I was concentrating on my career and while I dated I wanted no part of a serious relationship until I was about 35. Up until then I worked long days and wanted the freedom to do what I wanted which could have included relocating for a job.
So, on its own, it isn't a red flag.
After talking with her a little more at the group run last night and following her socials, it's becoming pretty clear this is the case. She's very career focused and has lived in a few different states between school, an MBA program, and then work. I also get the vibe that running is her current "thing" outside of work and that is basically what she's devoting her free time to at the moment. Our run club is pretty socially focused and tends to be more casual but she has been diving into her marathon training head first, despite running seriously for the first time in her life.
Ditto the person that said she was career focused at that age. My career training was intensive and involved a move every few years, didn't want to complicate things. Find out what she does for a living. If she's, foe example, an MD, that makes sense. If she works at Starbucks, that might be a red flag.
What's wrong with working at Starbucks? Seems like an unnecessary comment
Nothing at all is wrong with it, sorry if I offended. I was just using it as an example of a job where one typically doesn't have to do things like work all day and then work all night on repeat. Really I just meant any career that has more regular hours that allows one to have a social life.
My gf is 29 and I’m her first boyfriend. She had a lot of bad things happen to her or close family and friends in her 20s such that dating wasn’t a priority, and for the few times when things weren’t as turbulent she didn’t find anyone or it didn’t go well enough or they weren’t able to commit to get to the point of a relationship.
Still makes me chuckle when I think you believed this.
nlidlielk, you have a good perspective, not a red flag. I could express some similar reasons as a male of similar age. Life and vocations / callings take people down unique paths. A person once told me that it is better to be single with a desire to be married than be married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons and have a desire to be single.
It's incel posts like this that make my stomach turn every time I just want to look up recent race results or training discussion. Let's Run, you can do better.
OP, just go to a therapist to work out your mommy issues and you'll be much happier.
Only idiot think “therapy” is helpful. What happened to “find Jesus” lol
intellectusl incels are the ones who say “go to therapy” everytime they encounter something that makes them uncomfortable- it’s basically giving up the right to think. It’s pure indoctrination and most of psychological history has been negative.