I'm 38 with 2 kids (2 and 4). Is life just hard right now or is it me?

I've actually been experimenting with edibles as a way to calm down after a hard day. I don't booze anymore because the next-day anxiety was so killer with the kids. Thinking of maybe giving shrooms a shot.

A lot of the well-adjusted parents out there seem to have weed as a small part of their daily routine.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm 36 with a 2 year old and one on the way, so I'll be in your position soon. My wife is military so we are far away from any support network as well. I never really wanted to have kids in the first place, but it was really important to my wife, so I gave in.

But I can honestly say that having a kid is the best thing I've ever done. I don't know how qualified I am to give advice as I only have one kid at the moment, but I would just say to really enjoy the little things. I think it's so cool to watch him experience something new for the first time. We were at the zoo the other day and he saw a King Cobra up close for the first time and was just amazed. He kept repeating "Whoa! Big snake! Big snake!" over and over again. It was awesome.

The best part of my day is picking him up from daycare. I walk in and as soon as he sees me he gets a big smile on his face, yells "dada!" and runs over to me. Don't get me wrong, the tantrums and meltdowns over seemingly nothing are frustrating, but I try to focus on the positive and enjoy this time with him.

One of the better threads I've seen in a while here.

Honestly, I feel like I have it pretty good so far compared to a lot of the posts. Just one kid, a toddler, so far with one on the way. The toddler is probably going to be special needs, we just don't have enough info yet for a diagnosis yet or know exactly what they will and won't be able to do. That was probably the hardest part, but in a weird way, not having a diagnosis yet despite all the testing feels more hopeful than maybe it should.

I try to find some time to run or get on the bike every day. Fortunately my office had a locker room and everyone knows me as the guy who is always running. I'll do a few 5ks or 10ks now and then, but running today is more about keeping me grounded than chasing my college PRs.

38 here with three kids aged 6, 4 and 1.
Yeah, it’s not easy. About twice a year I literally think I’m losing my mind.

Great marriage and money is fine.

I’ll give advice and not just complaints. You HAVE to figure a routine out with your wife. We alternate nights where one spouse does everything which means the dishes, clean up and putting the two oldest to bed. The other takes care of the baby who is the chillest ever and is asleep by 630-7 leaving the rest of the night for yourself. When we tag teamed it we both had sucky nights every night. Now it’s just every other night!

SUCK IT UP CUPCAKES . LIFE IS HARD.....GROW A SET

Think of how your partner feels too. Probably the same.

Hire babysitters more often. You need a break and energy to invest in your relationship with yourself and your partner. Life is too short to feel the way you do.

Don't tell me you don't have the money. You do. You need to find out who you are again beyond your kids because they will suck every drop out of you if you let them. And you are letting them.

Agree with most everything in this thread. I'm 38, have 3 kids (7, 3, and 1 year). Wife and I both work outside the home and I'm health care so are on a set schedule each day for work. The amount of friends or acquaintances I know who have two parent full time workers outside the home and more than two kids (with no steady grandparent help) is exactly zero. We are it, that's the list. Not saying this to toot our horns, it just is super stressful when a kid is sick or having a bad day and you have to either cancel patients or are late. I'm not the worker I once was before kids or after the first two.

My point is, it's not really about the kids being stressful, although they are. it's more the stress of how it impacts careers. We do a horrible job in the US of trying to balance that out. You either both have careers and to broke on day care, or have one parent stay home and give up their career. Or work from home if you can, those people piss me off when they whine about things.

It's brutal that way.

Lay down the law. My parents didn't get into that crap and eventually we realized when they put us to bed we just go to bed. They'd close to door and honestly we didn't freak out that much. Realize that your parenting has a role in this.

But even beyond the Brute force sounding of this. You could play calming music. Reduce stimulation, screens etc. Adjust their sugar intake so theyre calmer for bedtime.

I know you're struggling to stay afloat so it's easy to be defensive about this stuff. But I can assure you many, many parents get their kids to bed without a 2 hour routine. Bite the bullet and change that as it's obviously really upsetting you. And rightfully so.

I’m a bit older, 45 and my kids are 12 and 15. A lot of things get easier, but the downside is that they don’t really want to hang out with you anymore. Then, if they are in competitive sports, that will take up you entire weekend.

You also have to start worrying about drinking, drugs, and sex in the teen years. They also get significantly more expensive. My daughter thinks breakfast is Panera and Starbucks, competitive soccer with travel is easily $10-15K per year.

That said, having kids is the greatest thing in the world and worth every penny.

Some advice: This is a really great time with your kids. Soak it all in. Do a date night at least twice per month. Do a long weekend away with your spouse at least a couple times per year. I have plenty of family in the area, and my wife hasn’t worked since my youngest was 5, and that helped a lot.

It gets a lot easier when they get older. I had two kids back to back in my early 30's. That age range was the hardest it ever was. My oldest is now 12 and I am now 40 and it is significantly easier. The kids wake up and get ready for school on their own. They can get food on their own. They shower on their own. My wife and I can leave the house for a run or a bike ride and just leave the kids behind. We went on a date and they could just stay home and do their thing. I would say the lack of family support is really hard but if you have the money and can pay for babysitting I recommend you do so. The hardest thing for me about it was the constant ever pressing need your children have for you. You can never just relax because there is always something they need. Getting out of the house and away from the responsibility for a bit is really important or you will go crazy. My wife and I once went on a date where we left the house went somewhere to basically take a nap and do nothing. It felt great.

I love my children and I feel having them helped make me a better person than I would have been otherwise. The age range your kids are in is really tough but I do miss sometimes just how hilarious kids are at that age. How they see the world is incredibly unique. I really don't miss anything else about it. I really didn't like that age range.

The one thing I'll say is this mythical advice about going for a run early in the morning is bs in my case, so it has always irritated me when people flippantly suggest it. Our oldest (now 5) has always woken up at about 5:00 no matter where we switch his bedtime. Sometimes even earlier, sometimes a little later. Some people just won't be able to run unless they have a supportive wife and are OK with the guilt trip of having her take the first wakeup shift... I haven't ran in almost a year. All of this said, I still love being a Dad. I'm not sure what will work for you, but what has worked for me is embracing parenting and not viewing it as a chore, and think about the investment you are making in their lives by teaching them something each day. Even with this advice, I still get downtrodden like every other parent.

The only thing that could be better is if your parents didn't have kids.

I am 34 with two kids, 2.5 years and 6 months. Before having them, I always looked at parents and only saw the difficulties of raising children.

Now, with my own kids, I know how they fill you with a love that is stronger than any other. It is amazing, and impossible to articulate to non-parents.

I'm surprised more people on this thread aren't acknowledging that. Kids can be difficult, but they are a massive net positive in my life.

To compare raising kids to running:

It’s much easier to not run at all. Go out until all hours. Eat want you want. Be undisciplined in general.

But it is very satisfying (and not easy) to train very hard consistently and run a fast time.

My youngest daughters are 14 and 17. My older kids are graduated or still in college. My advice is do not sweat the small stuff. I see parents obsessing over so many things that will not make a difference in the long run. Let your kids fail when they are younger and teach them how to get back up and keep going. They’ll need that skill when they are out on their own. Don’t give them all the answers. Teach them to put in the work to get the answer or succeed. It will go a long way. IMO the most difficult part of being a parent is letting go, keeping your mouth shut and letting them make their own choices or mistakes.

Soft. That's what you are. Suck it up and be a parent. You thought it was supposed to be easy? Can't see the good in front of your face because some days you're tired? Every year for me brings new challenges, new rewards. I look back and already miss the days gone by, but I look forward to what comes next, as a parent. If all you can think about is yourself, maybe you just need to put your kids up for adoption??? Man up, be a dad, be a mom, be a parent.

You are told, over and over and over again, but its not something you can fully comprehend until you do it. Its like the last mile of a marathon. "its gonna hurt" doesn't really do it justice. Unless you have kids, you really can't empathize. It really is an experience that must be lived to be fully understood.

Parents mostly aren't looking for sympathy. Kids are a burden, but are without a doubt a net positive on your life. No need for sympathy there, or feel bad for us. All we ask for is support and understanding when our priorities do not agree with yours. For example - I'd much rather go to bed at this point than get bombed at the bar. Understand that's what I want now, not what I'm forced to do. No sympathy needed.

That stage can be challenging but if you form a good bond with your kids it will help during their older years. I'm 46 with four kids, ages 11 to 19, and we, too, have always lived far away from family support. We've tried to be as active with our kids as possible. We take them skiing, go backpacking each summer, rock climbing, biking, rafting/kayaking, etc. Now that they're older, they have their own interests and we enjoy living vicariously through them. It was a joy attending our oldest's track and cross country meets. You've already received some good advice about how to stay sane during your kids' younger years. If you can stay sane through those short but trying years then you will have the energy to share some of life's most enjoyable moments with them once they are older.

1) I hope the drinking and drugs thing was just a joke. Not a good plan if not.

2) Having kids is a tough job, and when they are that young, it's even tougher. My kids are now adults, and while I didn't wish their childhoods away, I can look back now and say my life is much more relaxed now than it was when they were little and living here. In most ways, it gets easier even as they get older and don't need your CONSTANT or nearly constant attention.

Hang in there, brother.