Wife's Ex is demanding we help pay for kids college I said NO!!!!

First, I would talk to an attorney regarding the laws in your state.

In some states (I can attest this is true in Indiana), when a child's parents are not married, then an education order can be put in place. The child is responsible for a 1/3 of the costs and then the remaining 2/3s are split between the parents (proportionally based on income). It is expected that the child show potential to succeed in college, and exhaust all possible forms of financial aid. In addition, the amount for the education expenses is typically capped for a state school.

One other thing...the FAFSA uses the child's primary parent financial information. If the primary parent is remarried, then the step-parent's financial information must also be provided.

> There for his biological prevented him from scholarship opportunities which I think if his biological wants to pay he should pay the scholarship share that he would have possibly earned.

I've read a lot of confusing sentences on this great website but this one might take the cake

Your son's biological father is obviously not going to feel the same way you do about what he "should" pay, and I don't think a random 'reasonable person' you pulled off the street would either (https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/reasonable_person)

Bottom line: don't worry about what's 'fair' between you and this other man, do what's right by your son

"help" pay. Not all of it. Give $8k a year. C-ya!

If I were as big a louse as OP I would not post about it

You have $8000-8500 a month after your bills, you have been out of school for 10-16 years, and you two are still carrying $120,000 in student loan debt? Either you are lying about your income or you two are the biggest idiots to ever parent. You might as well give back your master's degrees!

Have your son apply to the best colleges he can get into. At top colleges, even those in households earning $200k can get reasonable financial aid, depending on circumstances.

The fact that you keep referring to the child's real father as one word, "biological", and you don't even put father or dad behind it shows just how insecure you are about not being his real father. Clearly you envy something about knowing that you are not a real father to this child, as you are unwilling to support his dreams, and obviously you do not have a real father son relationship like those of us do who have our own biological son.

Wow-- just wanted to applaud "STOP" for all of his insight and meaningful posts. They weren't wasted, even if OP was unable to digest them.

I was in the kid's situation, but my parents (higher income) were too embarrassed and embedded in their social circles to tell me that they had no money. It took me about 9-12 months to figure out that I had to drastically change my expectations despite high grades and scores-no private schools, etc. In fact, maybe no school at all. I felt like Davey's kid in the Sopranos after Tony and crew busted Davey out of his sporting goods store. Talk about surprises!

Kids are resilient and once I found out the rules, I adjusted. Yes, it aggravating seeing other kids with fancy cars, frat dues and no school jobs, but doing well in school took out a lot of that sting for me.

At the bare minimum, you and your wife should sit down and tell the kid what you can afford. Hopefully, you get together with the Dad to figure on a number. The kid deserves honesty or clarity, even if it means, "No, I don't want to pay."

Once I found out the ground rules, it even helped me look at things I would have never considered. I applied to several two year art schools that were cheaper and easier to loan my way through. I didn't do it, but looking back on it, it was a fun experience, especially since the admissions process was nothing like college.

We had to deal with this bs with my wife’s kid. Her dad and stepmom in a $1m house, Range Rover and “did it on their own” when college was 4k/year. Never able to help but sure would show her the off.

Don’t expect him to be around if you aren’t supporting him. He will be hanging out with the parents who are doing all they can regardless of what they have now that he doesn’t have to follow some agreement the two groups agreed to “for the kid” Your wife is a disappointment not sticking up for her kid.

I don't get the hate here. Yes, help him pay for college by getting him the extra help he needs to crush his grades or the SATs./ACT. You can get full rides to many unis on that alone.

If the ex is that interested have him help the kid study....