Ex wants me to father a child that she will raise without me.

At this point you and the mother may indeed not think of you as "dad." And that may be how things stand until the end of time. But legally, you are the kid's father and you have legal obligations to him or her. It may turn out that those obligations are never enforced but someone in your position cannot be sure that state of affairs will persist. And that's something the OP should consider.

Don't you think the child deserves a father rather than a fly-by donor?

Literally the worst idea ever

Pretty selfish from both of you to want a child to be without a daddy. Ever heard of girls with 'daddy issues?' That's some messed up business. And oftentimes women will trick a man into getting them pregnant as they have something to gain (finances from child support, excuse not to have a real job, etc.) You are a complete idiot if you knock her up. She's trying to manipulate you into getting her pregnant for her own selfish benefits and screwing you over. Find a real woman, not a selfish hoe.

Leave the hoe, and the seeds, find a rake, don't make a mahoosive mistake.

Evangelicals are against this. They only tolerate "grab them by the pussey."

she is crazy.

you'd think natural selection would have eliminated craziness like this from the gene pool by now, but this is a great opportunity! stay out of the way and let evolution take its course.

thank you

- the human gene pool

Real Answers wrote:

[quote]

You make a fair point about 6 years old being pretty young for things to "kick in". But then you totally blow it by referencing your dad. I am most definitely not her dad. I was a sperm donor. That is all.

And if you are against the entire notion of artificial insemination, sperm donors, etc then go ahead and make your case. Otherwise, please leave off with the "dad" comments - that is definitely not what any of my posts have been about.

You are her father though and using the term 'sperm donor' pyschologically removes any sense of responsibility that you feel towards your daughter. If she grows up without male rolemodels and consequently has poor abusive relationships with the men in her life, will you feel responsible? Will you feel responsible if she can't get the education and life opportunities she desires because she hasn't got 2 parents helping her out? What if the mother dies? Does that child then become the extended families responsibility, goes into care or becomes your responsibility?

If one of you was a Vizsla and the other a Weimaraner, then I'd be ok with it.

Lots of nutty responses here.

Donating sperm does not make you a bad person.

Using donated sperm does not make you a bad person.

Being a single mom does not make you a bad person.

Being raised by a single mom does not make you a bad person.

Surprise! wrote:

You will be on the hook for child support. You will feel attachment to the child.

Bad idea all around.

^This

And you will feel quilt and will to get involved and its going to be a mess. Also a fatherless child ... not a good idea its better to have both a male and female role models close. Tell her she is being egoistical. If she really wants a child she could adopt one many children need families. But to create a new one just for her wow...

Bad Bad Bad idea in my opinion.

sadd... wrote:

Also a fatherless child ... not a good idea its better to have both a male and female role models close. Tell her she is being egoistical. If she really wants a child she could adopt one many children need families. But to create a new one just for her wow...

So gays should not be allowed to raise children and nobody should be allowed to create new children because they should adopt. Wow.

Benji Spock wrote:

At this point you and the mother may indeed not think of you as "dad." And that may be how things stand until the end of time. But legally, you are the kid's father and you have legal obligations to him or her. It may turn out that those obligations are never enforced but someone in your position cannot be sure that state of affairs will persist. And that's something the OP should consider.

INCORRECT!

Legally, I am and will remain a sperm donor.

* Legal contract

* Licensed fertility clinic

* In vitro fertilization

Sperm donors are NOT fathers.

Now if you don't mind, please stop advertising your own ignorance.

automaticsuspensionfromLRC wrote:

Pretty selfish from both of you to want a child to be without a daddy. Ever heard of girls with 'daddy issues?' That's some messed up business. And oftentimes women will trick a man into getting them pregnant as they have something to gain (finances from child support, excuse not to have a real job, etc.) You are a complete idiot if you knock her up. She's trying to manipulate you into getting her pregnant for her own selfish benefits and screwing you over. Find a real woman, not a selfish hoe.

And yet another moron who does not understand the concept of sperm donors and families that do not fit your traditional mold.

Hate to break it to you pal but there are many ways to form a good, strong, loving family - traditional marriage is one of them. There are also many ways to form a F'd up situation - and again traditional marriage is one of them.

1) Nope. Not the father. Please research sperm donor and get back to me once the concept has had a chance to sink in.

2) I fully expect her to grow up happy and healthy in the loving family that she is in. I will not feel responsible for any of the great stuff or rough stuff in her life. Again, please research sperm donor and get back to me once the concept has had a chance to sink in. Of course, if you want to make the case against any and all sperm donor conceptions please feel free to try.

3) She will be able to get a good education. Part of my pre-homework was to ensure that her mother was financially stable (current net worth over $1M and current income over $125k) and that she had a strong support system (relatively young grandparents living with her, healthy, stable aunt next door). So, she's got at least 4 healthy responsible adults very involved in her life. Try not to assume what my situation is/was - you only advertise your own ignorance that way.

Again - please try not to assume things that you don't know. Ignorance has zero value.

OK, that was not clear from your posts. I'm not going to re-read the whole thread to find it again, but I recall that you responded to the OP by saying that you had done what he's contemplating and it's worked out fine. But the OP was not contemplating a legal contract, a fertility clinic and in vitro fertilization, He was talking about "natural" impregnation. So your experience that you describe here is not relevant to his question although it may be helpful if he's looking for a way to do this without legal obligations to his kid .

Real Answers wrote:

INCORRECT!

Legally, I am and will remain a sperm donor.

* Legal contract

* Licensed fertility clinic

* In vitro fertilization

Sperm donors are NOT fathers.

Now if you don't mind, please stop advertising your own ignorance.

None of what you say means that your daughter may not regard you as her father in the future and potentially expect or feel the absence of a relationship with you as her father. Waiving a contract in her face will not change her feelings if she looks at you as her father and not just a sperm donor.

Why? Doesn't make sense

your ex is tricking you. She wants you to pay her way for the next 18 years