pop pop.
Did you say freak accident to the knee? This is such an obvious clue to the OP.
Come on Paula!! You are not fooling anyone here!
You can just go see 'Healing Hans' Wolfman in Romania (or maybe somewhere near Munich, Germany).
pop pop.
Did you say freak accident to the knee? This is such an obvious clue to the OP.
Come on Paula!! You are not fooling anyone here!
You can just go see 'Healing Hans' Wolfman in Romania (or maybe somewhere near Munich, Germany).
Hi Hardloper! :-)
Dretch wrote:
So you lied on the resume, lied on the subject line of this thread and then lied in the body of the thread because you made this whole thing up.
Good work.
Habitual line stepper.
I love this story. Please keep us up-to-date with your progress and, of course, your result. I can't help you with a training plan, but it seems like upping your mileage too much risks injury (which might be a face-saving way out, I suppose, but I imagine you want to win as well). I'd take the last 6 weeks from a McMillan or Jack Daniels training plan and just work towards the peak. Then, in the race, try to conserve energy, don't lead the race, and hang on to this "ringer" if he shows up. If you think he will try to drop you, you might want to let him think he dropped you Bekele-style (Great North Run) and run him down at the end. Sometimes coming up on someone who has been running alone can break them, even if they aren't more tired than you. On the other hand, the "ringer" might be overhyped as well.
Good luck!
-- former corporate 5K winner who caught and dropped the defending champ with 800 to go
8/10
This may actually be one of the top 3 trolling posts all year
I so, so wish this were true. Great post.
Show up on the day and say "Not Rupp Certified" and walk away.
Corporate 5Ker wrote:
Hi everyone. Thank you for the advice so far. I'll spend the night processing everything and see how I can implement the advice here into my training.
Minor update. Went out for 8 miles tonight, mostly loops around a park. Unfortunately, while I was looping around some softball fields I caught a tough freak break. A batter hit a line drive foul right at me and it dinged me square in my left knee. Very painful and my knee swelled up a bit, but I was still able to finish the run. Icing the knee now and hoping it feels OK tomorrow so my training doesn't take a setback.
Update: Knee felt a lot better this morning but a little too stiff to run (was planning a double today). I'll still get out there later, though. Instead of running I did pushups and crunches. I packed a light lunch--just a salad--because I don't want to overeat after missing this morning's run. I'm still synthesizing all the training tips. Any more advice on training would be welcomed. Will check in sporadically during the day if it's not too busy.
We've had plenty of threads that talk about how to train to run faster.
The beauty of this thread is that we are also looking for good excuses to not even race to save face.
Now I think the OP is digging a deeper hole by actually training to get better.
Do that and you can't use the lack of fitness excuse.
We've all gone into races talking down our training, saying we haven't had a chance to train or we've been injured to lower expectations.
If you train hard and lose the chickens really will be roosting.
How could you run college XC & track with a PR of 16:55? Was this a JC or a college is Bolivia? Heck even 15:43 is not a time good enough to run college track at the vast majority of schools...or are you a female?
In any event, depending on how far out of college you are you might be able to say you cut way back on your training. However, a 15:43 guy in college should still be able to break 17:00 a year later unless they totally quit running.
If you are a 16:55 guy and that really is the best you can do. I don't see you beating the "ringer". Who probably was a 15:43 guy.
Just make an excuse if you run poorly. It's unlikely that your coworkers will be able to tell between a legit and a crappy excuse.
Also, corporate challenges are usually 3.5 miles, fyi. So you may not actually have a snowball's chance in hell of beating that guy if he's doing them in low to mid 17s.
Also, you're in idiot for lying in general, but especially in such a meaningless context.
Use diuretics for a couple of weeks to lose the office bod and throw in some EPO and testosterone to supplement your training. I highly doubt there is drug testing at the corporate cup, so you should be in the clear.
It's been said before but there are guys running 16:55 in college.
Have you ever been to a college XC race or seen a college 5000?
There are results in that range.
Stragglers finishing way back in most meets.
There are certainly XC runners struggling to break 30 for 8K.
Corporate 5Ker wrote:
Update: Knee felt a lot better this morning but a little too stiff to run (was planning a double today). I'll still get out there later, though. Instead of running I did pushups and crunches. I packed a light lunch--just a salad--because I don't want to overeat after missing this morning's run. I'm still synthesizing all the training tips. Any more advice on training would be welcomed. Will check in sporadically during the day if it's not too busy.
You have six weeks. Gotta work the speed.
joedirt wrote:
Use diuretics for a couple of weeks to lose the office bod and throw in some EPO and testosterone to supplement your training. I highly doubt there is drug testing at the corporate cup, so you should be in the clear.
How fast do EPO and testosterone work? Would it make a difference in just 6 weeks?
With steroids I think it takes a week or more to become noticable for the athlete, in that his mood becomes better, he feels strong, he can go longer and harder in training.
That alone would give the guy an edge in his upcoming race. He will definitely be able to push it alot harder and go deeper in the race than he can even dream of now.
brogan1 wrote:
Start wearing a boot to work and tell everybody you have a stress fracture and are hoping to maintain fitness by cross training with pool workouts. You can secretly still train without them knowing. Run 17:30-ish and people will be impressed you were able to keep up your fitness while in the boot.
Awesome plan. Haha. Like George Costanza-ish.
DiscoGary wrote:
joedirt wrote:Use diuretics for a couple of weeks to lose the office bod and throw in some EPO and testosterone to supplement your training. I highly doubt there is drug testing at the corporate cup, so you should be in the clear.
How fast do EPO and testosterone work? Would it make a difference in just 6 weeks?
Definitely. 3 weeks is plenty of time for a good EPO boost. Throw in some test and hgh and our poster will be able to drop a 16:30 and dominate.
Corporate 5Ker wrote: Update: Knee felt a lot better this morning but a little too stiff to run (was planning a double today). I'll still get out there later, though. Instead of running I did pushups and crunches. I packed a light lunch--just a salad--because I don't want to overeat after missing this morning's run. I'm still synthesizing all the training tips. Any more advice on training would be welcomed. Will check in sporadically during the day if it's not too busy.
Glad your knee is feeling better, but I still think you are missing a prime opportunity to get paid to train. As I noted in my first post, you basically need to tell your boss that you need to train on company time if he expects you to race at your best. Make him back up his expectations.
CorporateTroller wrote:
8/10
This may actually be one of the top 3 trolling posts all year
9/10. I'm docking a point for coming back to post. You are the Soviet Judge.