Ex wants to meet up before he leaves the area, I'm afraid this could end up being pretty awkward

You are a real piece of crap. That was not the right decision.

You are leading him on. You are telling him that you aren't ready for this yet, but you really have no interest at all. Why can't you just say "I don't like you like that. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship"?

He asked what he did wrong so he was clearly open to hear criticism. You should have either told him exactly why you don't like him and/or told him that you weren't interested at all forever.

Yes I clearly said "I don't want to do this right now and I think we should call it quits." Pretty sure he got the point.

Is there really a need to tell him what I don't like about him/why I don't see it going long term?

Thanks for sharing. Sorry things turned out so awkward and unpleasant. Sounds like he planned this whole sneak attack on you. Though I still think it was good and decent of you to meet with him, DO NOT agree to meet up with him in the future. You answered his request once, things did not go well, it's over, move on. If he continues to try to communicate with you after you've broken up with him and told him a second time it's over, I would consider that harassment and a sign the guy is both a loser and a little "off" despite his niceness. Do NOT beat yourself up about this at all. Very few relationships ever work out. This is part of life. He should move on. Clearly you have.

Good luck with things.

It's his own damn fault for being obtuse. Don't blame the OP. She was adamant about it being LUNCH. I am reaching here with some of the dateless male wonders here, but LUNCH has always been synonymous informal. If you have ever had dinner with a girl before and she downgrades you to lunch, you might as well give up - she's not interested romantically.

Also, she is not required to give detailed review of what he did wrong. He will come back with I can change that, yada yada. She didn't date him long and a simple it doesn't feel like the right fit is fine here.

And thanks OP for following back up on here.

Thanks Guppy and corduroy.

I think that this time the point did get across that it's quits this time.

I will probably see him in some months (August/September) at an annual event but there will be other people there and hopefully things will be better by then.

Besides that, I think this was off for good. It just hurts me to hurt someone, but I'm glad I stuck to it and told him no for good.

Because of how upset/sad he was, I thought it would be for the best to not delve into reasons/be overly critical as to why I didn't want to get back together.. I thought my reason of just not the right fit was enough. And that this just isn't what I'm looking for.

corduroy wrote:

It's his own damn fault for being obtuse. Don't blame the OP. She was adamant about it being LUNCH. I am reaching here with some of the dateless male wonders here, but LUNCH has always been synonymous informal. If you have ever had dinner with a girl before and she downgrades you to lunch, you might as well give up - she's not interested romantically.

Also, she is not required to give detailed review of what he did wrong. He will come back with I can change that, yada yada. She didn't date him long and a simple it doesn't feel like the right fit is fine here.

And thanks OP for following back up on here.

He was never being obtuse. The OP was never adamant about it being lunch. The OP told US that lunch would be better, but never made it clear to him. Also, I never said the OP was required to give a detailed view. You have terrible reading comprehension.

This guy actually did get lucky one last time. Very lucky.

Gary Oldman wrote:

This guy actually did get lucky one last time. Very lucky.

In what way?

Randy Oldman wrote:

Gary Oldman wrote:

This guy actually did get lucky one last time. Very lucky.

In what way?

He's not going to end up with someone who trolls letsrun for relationship advice.

Brother.

Very early in this thread, I advised you to avoid this meeting. I still feel you should have not met, but since you did meet, I think you handled the lunch date very well. Good for you. Now, get on with your life.

Guppy or a few of the other decent posters on here... any of you single? I avoided this thread for a while because I felt it would devolve into the usual misogyny but seeing some (key word: some) of your posts on here has given me hope.

First off I just want to say this thread kept my teammate and me highly entertained for the past 15 minutes.

Secondly, the advice given by each poster just goes to show what type of person you are in a relationship. For those of you who said "why not it won't hurt anything", you're probably a little more outgoing and willing to trying new things, while those who said "get out now" are less likely to give second chances in relationships due to personal experience or something else.

With that being said it appears as if OP did a solid job with the situation from her perspective. And that right there is the key. Her perspective. It's very easy to agree with her and say she did the right thing when she is portraying the guy as somewhat overbearing and maybe delusional as to where this might lead. Now from the recap the OP gave it appears that she was right in assuming he wanted more than she did, but also that she was pretty fair in letting him know that it wasn't going to happen; a good move. But this could very easily have happened from the guys perspective of asking Letsrun about meeting up with an Ex before he moves away. He could present it as just friendly but later reveal to us that he wouldn't mind hitting it one last time and that he would feel it out and see how it goes. Obviously OP denied said guy and he seemed decent enough at moving on but Letsrun would have been very disappointed that the dude didn't score if he was the OP. So again, I think it all comes down to perspective.

jc123 wrote:

Yes I clearly said "I don't want to do this right now and I think we should call it quits." Pretty sure he got the point.

Right, you told him not "right now", suggesting you'll be ready some time in the future, stringing him along and showing you're much more invested in the dysfunctional (on your part) relationship than he is.

I think maybe the guy feels sorry for you, and that's the reason he's interested to be with you.

Op you are a complete jerk. The guy dodged a real bullet by you doing this.

Stick with eharmony wrote:

Op you are a complete jerk. The guy dodged a real bullet by you doing this.

Let me quote my own post for emphasis because I am outraged that the op is a such a loser who strung this great guy along.

Stick with harmony, your outrage concerning people you don't even know makes it clear to everyone that you're projecting something from your own life. Maybe you should get help for whatever that is.

As a guy, I found this whole "Let's meet up" thing to be very transparent. Absolutely he wanted her back, but I'm pretty sure he knew going in that it probably wouldn't work. But he gave it another shot and lost nothing. He might actually have enjoyed just talking to her again, either way.

D-minus wrote:

He might actually have enjoyed just talking to her again, either way.

Most definitely not!

25 w/ a job wrote:

You're fu/cking kidding me, right? I don't understand how the majority of commenters here have the emotional intelligence of toddlers. He's moving across the country, hopefully with the goal of making positive changes in his life. He's not looking for goodbye sex unless you're gonna serve it up. Go to dinner with him, encourage him to get back on track, and then hug him goodbye. A month from now, send him an email wishing him happy holidays and expressing your hope that he's found some luck with his move home. Are you completely incapable of being a friend? Jesus you people are such losers.

f*** yeah

if he makes a move for you just slap that f******