This thread is illuminating- of male idiocy. Even the trolls can't muster a novel, insightful response.
This thread is illuminating- of male idiocy. Even the trolls can't muster a novel, insightful response.
Coming from a woman... wrote:
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
Yup. It is ALWAYS the man's fault. Every time.
oh shut up wrote:
Coming from a woman... wrote:Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
Yup. It is ALWAYS the man's fault. Every time.
LOL...agreed. There are plenty of men who would love nothing more than to please their wives who are in sexless marriages. The myth that it must be the man's fault is perpetuated by Dr. Phil, Oprah, Dear Prudence, etc. Why? Because the people that watch/read these things are mostly women, so of course they're going to tell women what they want to hear.
oh shut up wrote:
Yup. It is ALWAYS the man's fault. Every time.
Only if you are the man and you are the one complaining.
Here's Lesson Number Six: Life is what you make it. Really. It's true. And this truth runs deep. Relationships are what you make them. In any relationship, you have to be a creative mode for it to work. And you can only be creative in the present. And you have to be relaxed.
Creativity is giving. When you create you bring something new to the world. If you do it in a relationship, then you've given something new to the relationship. If you get in the head where everything has to be the way it was, you will eventually run into a crisis. Because people change. They "other" is also creating in the present. If you try to force them back to the person they once was, you increase the probability that the "other" will end the relationship. If you allow the other to be who and what they are in the present, then you are free.
Free means free. You always have your yes and your no. Yes. No. It's always a creative choice.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's great insight into a loving relationship.Personally, I spent many years of my youth with a self-centered mindset. I really wanted the type of loving relationship you describe, yet my self-centeredness always got in the way and led to frustration and failed relationships. After reaching an emotional bottom, I starting looking at myself. I had spent so much time trying to change others to suit me. Now I started looking at how I could change. I gradually started taking an interest in others and to be considerate of others. I got into a couple relationships and showed much more kindness and concern for my girlfriend. However, and this is THE KEY POINT for me, there was still a selfish underlying intention. I was more focused on receiving something I thought would make me happy - it could be a gift, attention, or sex. And I subconsciously "kept score" of kind acts in the relationship. My breakthrough came when I began to truly experience joy through loving acts. That is: not expecting anything in return, no keeping score, no "what about me", no frustrations. The loving act itself and seeing the effect on my spouse is sufficient to bring me joy. Sometimes, my old self-centered mind returns, but I am generally aware and just let the thoughts go. . .Quite a transformation has taken place. My spouse is more concerned about me and wants to do more for me. The odd thing is, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore. It brings me more joy to give loving acts toward her. For example, when I get some extra money, I spend it on her or for us - I spend very little on myself. Not because I am personally "sacrificing" but because I really do enjoy it more to do things for her or us.
Coming from a woman... wrote:
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
fdfbf wrote:
This idea that some women are just not into sex is bogus, unless they have a medical condition or are hitting menopause.
0/10 because you're wrong. Bang a few more and you'll find out.
Pics???
barry mccockiner wrote:
fdfbf wrote:This idea that some women are just not into sex is bogus, unless they have a medical condition or are hitting menopause.
0/10 because you're wrong. Bang a few more and you'll find out.
If women love sex so much, why do gay guys have so much sex, straight couples have a medium amount of sex, and lesbians have practically zero sex a few years into their relationships. The common denominator here isn't men that don't know how to please a woman, it is women.
OP, I have a solution: Try being better looking.
Sounds like a raw deal to me wrote:
Sounds like you two fellows are doing all the work and not gettin much in return.
. . . wrote:very true. learned this one early luckily.
You can't see that by putting someone else's needs before your own, you actually benefit? Are you so inwardly focused that you really don't get it?
this is true wrote:
If women love sex so much, why do gay guys have so much sex, straight couples have a medium amount of sex, and lesbians have practically zero sex a few years into their relationships. The common denominator here isn't men that don't know how to please a woman, it is women.
+1
This thread is giving me dry heaves.
Lesson Number Seven
Use fantasy. It is an essential part of being a good lover. Become a master storyteller. Make up fantasies, and try not to make them all about the power of your penis. Include her desires and kinks. Write them, then read them to her while she uses a sex toy. Whisper them in her ear during foreplay or intercourse. It's a lot of fun and when the mind is engaged the body will follow.
Coming from a woman... wrote:
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
How long have you been married?
Wow! That is so awesome! Thanks for sharing! That is so cool that you are to that point now where you value your significant other enough to constantly be seeking ways to bring them more joy and love. Truly inspiring! I know I definitely deal with selfishness at times still, as does my husband, and although we both make mistakes it's all about the response to those mistakes and how we can come out stronger on the other side. I appreciate your kind words :)
Lesson Number EIght
Don't say bad stuff about your wife's family. Let it go. Your wife's allegience might be to you, but that's still her family. The family that will be there for her if you suddenly disappear from her life. Don't make your wife choose between you and her family. This will not make her want to make love to you. Learn to let go and live in the present. BE with her.
unless it's a medical problem, she isn't in love with you
Coming from a woman... wrote:
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
Wow! So because he was completely selfless to you, you, eventually, were kind enough to think of his needs too?!? You are really a catch all right!
Heed this post. The concept of Love Languages is very important to most people. That and I have a policy to make sure my wife gets there twice before I do.
Coming from a woman... wrote:
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
Lesson Number Nine
Don't go the selflessness route. Deep down, no one respects it, because it does off as phony by a certain point. Those who will take advantage, will take advantage. Instead, be creative. Creativity involves play, variation, and being in the moment, which is always new. I've gone the selfless route, and let me tell you, it doesn't get you much sex. It does get you manipulated. With my wife, I do things for her, but I do things for me. If I got all selfless on her, she'd spot my BS a mile a way, and tell me to wake up. Martyrs in relationships put a big burden on the non-martyr. Nothing comes free. Heaving the burden of "since I do everything for you, you should do everything for me" on your wife will diminish her libido. Because you are being weak and phony. I know my wife doesn't want to make love to a weak fake.
Creativity is the answer.