Should I marry my friend?

She isn't as bright as you. This is strike three for sure UNLESS you find or think she is brighter than you at common sense things, as an example. My wife had no college and can't spell with a darn and so on. However, she is extremely artistically talented along the lines of never having painted a portrait before and being able to paint a replica of someone, first try. Or knowing the exact way to a location after one trip though it was very complex. She can drive the wheels off a race car and was a go cart champion. You will need to have great respect for her talents in a way like this.

I doubt that I am alone in this but Id suggest having sex with her. If she is fantastic go for it. I used to think marrying a friend was better than marrying a fantastic lover. Shame on me. Even if the fantastic sex might mean less by age 75 or so, you still can have almost 50 good years in the sack with someone you like, provided she keeps herself fit too

This is classic unrequited love, Friend-zone style stuff right here. I should now, I was that guy all through college

My thoughts on this thread:

1. You need to start making moves, son. With her or someone else. Serious question: are you a virgin?

You need experience, and the confidence that comes with that experience. I can sense the desperation when you write about "if not her, the future looks bleak."

That's a load of BS. Now admittedly, a good woman is hard to find, but there are millions of them out there. Never fall for the myth of "the one." Never chase a woman (or pine across the country) like a little puppy dog. Be a man. If you want her, take her; if you don't, walk away.

2. You're immature. It shows. Not only for the topics in 1., but because of your idea that a little reason and logic mean "religion" is silly. I agree with you that many religious concepts and institutions may be outmoded, but as for the idea of a universe creator, or the actual teachings of Christ? I suggest you take another look, when you're ready. Find a bible with Christ's words in red, and read all the red stuff. Pretty sharp dude.

3. Money: do you not want a lot of money? What do you plan to do for a living? I've been poor and I've been rich; rich is better.

4. Intelligence: This is much less important than you and others are making it out to be. What you need is someone who is a good person, who will make you a better person, who will be a help to your life. In descending importance: a. is she a pure gold human being who makes you happy to be around. b. how nice is her tail? How nice is her skin? c. brains: of course no one wants to be around a moron, but if she is average or above, it doesn't matter. If you are such an intellectual heavyweight, your pursuits will bring you in contact with plenty of folks who can use big words-- at least enough to satisfy you.

Trust me, I'm the kind of a-hole who effortlessly got a perfect SAT score--when I'm bending my beautiful wife over a hotel bed in Napa, I don't care she only scored a 1240.

I care that she makes me a better human, she calms me, she tempers me, she is a wonderful mother to our children, and she's got an a** that won't quit. My God, what a woman.

Pics.

backpack in the sack wrote:

you went on a 5 day backpacking trip as "just friends"?

Either you hit it, or you'll never be more than just friends.

That's certainly a younger man's approach.

As a middle aged man, vacationing with a couple of 25 year old platonic female friends who were not bothered about me seeing them naked, was a fantasy come true.

I suppose people like me should just kill ourselves, right? Nope. not me! I'll probably still be here and still running after you get married and divorced a few times, see your kids grow up (or die), make money, lose money, get an operation for some weird tumor that shows up randomly. After nobody cares about your PR. Long after you forget this girl you're considering marrying or she forgets you. I'll probably still be depressed and lonely too. But such is f*cking life man! I'll be that old dude who just goes running every day until he dies and people will say wtf? Why the f uck did this guy live? What was the f*cking point?What was his 5K PR?

middle-aged single guy wrote:

I am 40, and I've had one girlfriend since I was in my mid 20s. the relationship lasted a year. I'm not very experienced in intimate relationships. As much as I think about relationships and sex (almost all the time), neither actually really happens for me. I used to have a lot of plans and ideas about the future like you do. Wife, kids, etc. Life has a way of turning out way differently than you thought it would.

not in a hot tub wrote:

Consider this a time machine for the majority of letsrun posters. See your future!!

You should probably avoid it. Unless you want to get stuck in relationship with someone who'll eventually drive you nuts, but you won't be able to leave because you have kids with them.

Then your only way to sanity will be getting out and running 100 plus miles per week.

This is like the "Friends"-ship between Joey and Rachel.

^This. Hell motherf*cking yes. This.

From a 48-year old who right out of college at 22 married someone who was my intellectual, educational and spiritual equal, but divorced after 23 years and four kids. She did not age well and went from about an 8 to a 5 (not the reason we divorced). During the separation and years since the breakup I realized how emotionally mismatched we had been all those years.

I am now with an absolute hottie, who has only an associates degree and is not a genius (probably about average) but is genuinely interested in learning things from me and who has a heart of absolute gold. She's 42 and looks 32 (5-7, 118, blonde, gorgeous, gym/yoga/starting to run with me, could be a fitness model) and worships the ground I walk on. So she likes Will Ferrel movies over Daniel Day-Lewis? So what? We laugh like hell together and have watched Wedding Crashers a half dozen times. Sex? Whenever I want and sometimes when I don't. And it is AMAZING. I'll take a sweet, loving, respectful, gracious and HOT human being who gives of herself to make others' lives better over some intellectual "equal" who can discuss Niccolo Machiavelli with me but who questions everything I do and every decision I make because she thinks she knows better.

might be wejo wrote:

To be honest, it sounds like you have built this girl up in your mind because she is the only female that has ever paid you any attention in your 24 years of life. You should probably get out more.

I think you've made it almost 3 pages without being called a troll, despite describing yourself as both intelligent and "extremely unique". So, good on ya, mate.

This is pretty funny. I have a girlfriend who pleases me 3-5 times a week, and I've had two others before her in the past few months and did just fine before that too. Had an above average (but not crazy) sex-life in college. Dated. Have been in love (with a Miss Wrong). Perhaps my perspective of this particular girl is off, wrong, conflated, but it's not because I've never kissed a girl before. If anything, it's because I've been with and around a lot of girls, and none of them hold a candle to her, and not just her specifically, but how she and I interact.

I didn't call myself extremely unique as a bragging attempt. It's really not something that makes my life easier. I said unique. I could have just as easily said different. I know very few people who can relate to and appreciate me and vice versa. This girl is one of them, and she feels the same. Yeah I can go out and screw various girls and have fun, but none of them are wife material for me, just like this girl can have any guy she wants (multiple guys have already proposed to her), yet she doesn't sleep around or even date around because she has her own goals and doesn't want a relationship to slow her down (very few people can keep up with her). We're both unique but also extremely driven and motivated people. I honestly feel like we could conquer the world together.

Thanks for the input.

Not to be discouraging, but I think this guy nailed it. Even if she could be into you, nothing will ever happen with indecision.

This follows all of the signs of intellectualization. You're heavily into this girl and intellectualize your relationship with her in order to prevent the potential stress that would accompany rejection. You rationalize the reasons why you haven't gotten together yet so that they make a very clear logical sense, and get very defensive when others express their doubts over whether or not the relationship is viable.

Sounds to me like you came onto this message board in order to help convince yourself that this whole thing was really a possibility, rather than pursuing her and finding out for yourself. That of course, would be to risk rejection, so instead you live out this fantasy on internet message boards.

If she reciprocated these feelings, you would know it clearly and there would be no reason to discuss this in the first place. You obviously have a crush on her, so if she were to reciprocate you'd have jumped on it immediately. Sounds like you've gotten a lot of things that you have construed to demonstrate interest on her part (kissing once does not equate to marriage), and you use them as evidence that this could work. Maybe it really could, but this type of worry and inaction is not the type of thing that makes successful relationships.

This is my read on what I see happening, based on my own knowledge of how these things work and on my own personal experience. Doesn't mean you should give up. Her feelings may change. Your persistence may win her over. But they won't if you continue to live these things out as fantasy.

See, man, and some people here have said significant mismatch in intelligence is a deal-breaker. It's interesting to see the different opinions on this. However, if sleeping with a variety of girls has taught me anything, it's that sex, while essential to a relationship, is not something worth basing a relationship on. My current relationship is based on sex (for me anyway). I get it whenever I want and yet have been thinking of breaking up with her ever since the about the 3rd week of hanging out because, while hot, the girl is not someone I enjoy spending much time with outside of sex. At least you say you have lots of fun with her outside of sex. The thing is, I have enough fun with the girl this thread is about that even if we never have sex ever, she is someone I want to have in my life. I know it sounds beta as hell (yes, I've read the game and have become pretty skilled with the ladies), but I have as much fun with her even platonically as I do with my best guy friends. Can you really ask for anything more than that?

a gem wrote:

she has her own goals and doesn't want a relationship to slow her down (very few people can keep up with her). We're both unique but also extremely driven and motivated people. I honestly feel like we could conquer the world together.

Thanks for the input.

That sounds like a couple that is going to do well financially--yet you said one of your reservations was her desire to be rich.

Does she expect you to make a large income? Do you anticipate that for yourself?

So "multiple guys have already proposed to her", yet she "doesn't want a relationship to slow her down" and furthermore doesn't even date. How does that work?

I don't know why you would think I was calling you out on a "bragging attempt". Maybe you are used to getting called out as you seem like somewhat of a braggart. I was just surprised that:

1) Someone of your advanced intellect would make a seemingly naive comment, and

2) Someone of your advanced intellect isn't aware that the word "unique" is not comparable.

a gem wrote:

........just like this girl can have any guy she wants (multiple guys have already proposed to her)........

Have you considered that you're validating some type of need for her? A (normal) 22 year old doesn't receive multiple proposals without provocation. If it's true-she's giving signs that a proposal is welcome from the previous guys. Maybe you're next.

You've spent too much time thinking (and typing) about this. No one here can accurately predict the personal dynamic the two of you will share. Give it a shot if she's interested. You clearly are.

whoa there wrote:

Have you considered that you're validating some type of need for her? A (normal) 22 year old doesn't receive multiple proposals without provocation.

Right. She's got it going on.

That's not a criteria though. The only criteria is how well it's working between her and the OP.

Get her drunk and make a move. If it doesn't work blame it on the alcohol. If it does work as Ted Nugent would say when it doubt whip it out.

'We haven't done the dirty, but she is a 9.9/10'

If that was true you wouldn't be asking the question and would have no chance