What is the worst / most bizarre thing you've done while drunk?

Ha. I had a friend in college who developed an alter-ego the same way. Except the name he blurted out was a little less convincing. His alter ego was Jeremy Censorship. We thought it was quite funny, so for his bday one year there was this huge kegger and my band played. We wrote a song about him called, you guessed it, Jeremy Censorship. I don't remember most of the lyrics. I just remember the part where I came in with the lead singer and screamed "Who the f*** is this....Jeremy Censorship?!" We were poets.

Oh, and the dumbest thing I ever did drunk was....well, I sang that song Jeremy Censorship in front of 200 people. Oh, and one time I found my roommates habenero pepper plant that he had been growing and I ate the peppers off of it. Then I downed his whole jug of milk, which didn't help at all. Then the next morning I almost shit my colon out.

Hooray for alcohol!!!

I pissed on someone's door, until I realized the door was open with the tenant standing there.

I left a day long poop in the middle of the only elevator in the hotel. I sent the elevator to the lobby at 2am which opened directly in front of the front lobby desk, all the while my friends and I running down the steps wearing only socks on our Junk to catch the reaction of the receptionist. Good Ole Absinthe

shit many times in many places.

i kinda like running wrote:

Hooray for alcohol!!!

My friend Homer says "Here's to alcohol: The source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."

picked up an old car tire on the street and tried to bring it into a bar..they said no

I don't remeber

Played "Hammer throw" with a friend of mine walking around our neighborhood picking up garbage bags and tossing them as far as we could. You can kill a couple of hours doing this and maybe more if your caught :-)

On a business trip in Singapore I drank alot one night and had to pee. I opened the door to what I thought was the bathroom which turned out to be the door to the hallway. Door closed, no key.

I was in my underwear and socks and wandered to the freight elevator, rode a few floors, then took the main elevators back. Two hotel security guards saw me on the monitors and met me on my floor. They asked me my room number and I fortunately gave them the correct one so they could let me in. This was about 2:00 in the morning and I don't recall if there was anyone in the elevator with me. I hope not.

I flipped my MG.

Thanks jackass, now everybody at work thinks I'm retarded I was laughing so hard.

From 18-24 I was basically the worst human being I know when drunk.

- Sunday morning, a friend calls me and tells me to meet him at a bar on the other side of town. I drive over, we start drinking to appease the pain of his girlfriend breaking up with him. Start with beer, ending with shots. I drive home at 4 pm that afternoon, broad daylight, blackout drunk. Could've killed myself or someone else, instead I woke up later that night on the floor of my apartment just fine, aside from some grass stains on my pants.

- In college, just got tanked one night. Don't even know off of what. We come back to the courtyard of our dorm and there's a huge reception tent. I decide to go up to my dorm room, grab a knife, and cut the tent down. Once it's down, I try to cut the canvas in half to try to steal it. It doesn't work, this thing is the size of a one-car garage. I wake up in the morning with a vague recollection of what happened, and the sight of the tent destroyed in the courtyard. Knowing so many people saw it happen, I confess to the misdeed. I go before a committee and only get a slap on the wrist, and proceed to pay back $4,000 over the next few years. I'm so stupid.

- Walking down the street my friend and I started kicking side mirrors off of cars. Why? Because we are jackasses, no other reason.

- Trying to steal food from a vending machine, my friend and I knocked it over. The metal edge sliced through my hand, and we had to go to the emergency room for stitches. 2 in morning, stinking drunk, and who works on me? Dr. Beers, that's his real name. He did a fine job too.

- Stole several parking meters in my time. The secret is to find one that is already partly loose, then just throw your body weight against it from every direction. From there, throw in over your shoulders like you're doing squats. The ballsy part is walking through the front door of your dorm, but booze takes care of that.

- Hooked up with many chicks, often without a condom.

- Got in a bar fight that spilled out into the street.

- After the first final of the year, started drinking at 1 pm. By 3 pm I was blacked out drunk and stumbled into what I thought was my dorm room to pass out. I woked up when some poor female was calling the cops to report a trespasser in her room. I stumbled out, then came back to apologize. The cops got me and gave me the choice of going to jail or the hospital to sober up. I chose the hospital.

- Another time, it's 11 pm and the bars close at 2 pm. My roommate and I aren't sure if we're going to go out, so we decide to take a drink of every type of alcohol in the apartment then decide. That's one shot each of vodka, tequila, rum, whiskey, three different beers and I don't remember what else. One hour later, at midnight, we walk down to a local bar and are obnoxious. On the way home we attempt to steal a sign out of the street. A neighbor yells out her window for us to stop. I yell at her "No!" and we continue. We almost have it out when a cop car pulls up. I yell "Run!" and take off in one direction, my friend in the other. I end up diving under a car to hide and turn off my cell phone. My friend gets stopped by the cops but is only given a warning. I still have the scar on my chin from diving under the car.

Amazingly, a few years of adult responsibility and a good woman can do wonders for one's maturity. I escaped with no criminal record, no permanent bodily harm, no STD's, no one else got hurt. Earned my degree. I still feel guilty about damaging other people's property.

"im a dick," i think you take the cake on this one. I enjoyed those stories, though. One I thought of while reading your stories was when I was a senior in high school. Got smashed on beer and vodka (don't know the order) and apparently made a nice impression on a freshman chick who was riding in the car with us. The clearest moment in the alcohol-induced haze was having the dirtiest kind of sex (yes I meant that kind!) without a condom in a field somewhere. I can't remember her name and don't recall ever talking to her again after that night. Not my proudest moment. Then again, some of that does give me a sense of pride. Maybe not...

My college roommates and other assorted people could probably come up with more, but here's a dozen:

1. Was at a huge, noisy college bar and was chugging beers with friends. When we'd finish a pint glass, we'd smash it on the edge of the table and cheer. We ended up surrounded with piles of broken glass.

2. Later that same night, friend tells me a girl I liked kept asking where I was (the bar was huge) and said she was interested in me. Next thing I know she walks up. We start talking, and then I say, "Excuse me," bend over and throw up for quite a long while. When I stand back up, she's gone.

3. Called my new girlfriend from a bar ask her for a ride home (she was studying). She picks me up to give me a ride and I end up throwing up out the window the whole way home. (Much later she ends up marrying me, so, Yea! for me.)

4. Along with several others after a midnight movie in the mall (we'd been drinking before the movie, and snuck liquor in to drink during movie) we walk past a kitchen shop and decided to pee through the metal gate. We peed all over a display of plates and such and filled a tea cup from about 3-4 feet away.

5. Sat outside the door of my dorm room and was talking to a friend about my roommate's girlfriend and what a bitch she was, and how she was cheating on him. I thought they were asleep inside, but apparently they were listening to me. When he opened the door to confront me while in mid-speech, I denied everything, which was so clearly false as to be asinine.

6. While walking home from a bar, smashed fist through the door of a gas station door to grab a Coke that was sitting deliciously too close to the window. (I was thirsty.) When I got home, a sober roommate took me to hospital to get my hand X-rayed and get 13 stiches.

7. Puked on chest of random drunk girl I'd just met a party while having sex with her. Took a shower and left her there, passed out.

8. Stopped to pee in middle of street while walking home from college football game and nice officer puts his hand on my shoulder and assures me I should stop and let my friends take me home before he arrests me.

9. Attempted to drink 21 beers (plastic 12-ounce cup) on my 21st birthday. Friends kept fetching me beers from the handy keg and they were making marks on the cup to keep count. When I got somewhere around 17 or 18, they started removing hash marks from the cup. They told me I drank about 30 beers before telling me what they'd done.

10. Later that same night, went to get in my car to drive home. Luckily, my friends had pulled a spark plug wire from the engine so I couldn't start it. Unluckily, the car started anyway and I "drove" home.

11. Had sex with roommate's ex-girlfriend in the room next to his the day after he broke up with her. And she was loud. She wanted revenge sex and I was too stupid & drunk to care.

12. Stole a bike a block or two after leaving a bar because it was about 1 1/2 miles to walk home. Rode maybe 200 feet and struck the trunk of a huge tree headfirst. Passed out at the base of the tree for a while. Woke up bloodied and staggered home on foot.

Bonus #13: Had college house by myself for three days. Took acid, and then read "The Shining" cover-to-cover over about 5-6 hours while drinking a 12-pack and was so scared I locked myself in the bathroom with a baseball bat.

Conclusions: I might have had a drinking problem. I'm lucky my friends tolerated me.

eh. got into a couple fights. i do worse shiznet than drink though.

This thread reminds me of an exchange I heard once.

First guy: "Life's not fair."

Second, older, wiser guy: "Yep, you're right. And thank God it's not. Because if life was fair, I'd be dead or in jail."

not me, but this was done by a guy i defended in my very 1st jury trial.

guy was driving home from a topelss bar when he he got to a friends house. a cop stopped him just as he arrived. guy was pretty drunk and cop decided to give him a break and not arrest him since he was at his friends house. the cop told him not to drive and drove up the street and parked to watch.

guy knocked on door and found friend was not there so he walked to the middle of the street, dropped his pants and peed all while the cop watched. he then got back in his truck and drove off. this time the cop arrested him.

the jury found him not guilty.

Went on a trip with friends to Jamaica. Our flight home left in the afternoon. I proceeded to get blackout drunk in the hours leading up to the flight. From what I've been told. We were running late for our flight and were hurrying through the airport. I was complaining that I had to piss really bad. But we either didnt have time for a bathroom stop or my friends were lying to me. Either way my solution for the problem was to open up the old suitcase a crack and piss in there. All over my clothes.

My friends said that the thing was leaking on the floor for a short time after I pissed in it.

Thankfully, I've never done any drunk driving, but I did plenty of stupid, regrettable things while drunk from 18-23. I don't know how I avoided getting arrested or getting my a** kicked or acquiring an STD, because I certainly used to look for trouble.

*Went home from the bar with a female acquaintance and her 5 female roommates that I barely knew. I don't remember anything about the night, and I woke up completely unaware of the room I was in. My knees were completely raw and bleeding through her sheets, and my nick was stiff like I'd been in a serious car accident. During the walk home, I thought about the weird dream I had the night before. In my dream, I had to piss badly. I was buck naked and stumbling around in an unfamiliar house opening doors and turning on lights looking for a bathroom. I went in several bedrooms and closets before finding a toilet. As I found out a few weeks later from the girls who lived there, that wasn't a dream.

*Myself and 2 friends had a water balloon launcher we exclusively used while drunk used to terrorize a frat house. We shot 1 lb of thawed ground beef over a few houses and into a crowded fraternity/sorority barbecue. We launched 2 lbs of ground beef point blank at a 3'x7' window of the same frat house from about 20 meters. That meatball must've hit the center of that window at 80 mph, but the window didn't break. As drunk as we were, I will never forget how that window reverberated like waves under the ocean moonlight.

*I threw a full mixed drink over my shoulder in a crowded bar. A girl dared me to do it. I declined until she offered to pay my bar tab for the entire night. I got a rum and coke in a plastic cup and launched that drink into a crowd. I didn't look back, but it soaked some poor girl. No one knew I did it. A guy with the drenched girl was livid, and he took exception to the laughter of the girl I was with. She ended up trying to fight him. He subdued her, without fighting back, and the bouncers then 86'd him, and only him.

All these occurred at a duplex I shared with 3 friends over a during summer break.

*I climbed on the roof and relieved myself in the pipe leading to the bathroom vent of our meth-head neighbors.

* My drunk roommate set off a smoke bomb in the room of a sleeping roommate and closed the door. The fuse scorched a huge hole in a brand new carpet and almost started a fire until sleeping roommate smothered it with a blanket.

*Someone abandoned a p.o.s. car with expired plates and deflated tires in front of our place. It had been there, unmoved for over 6 months according to my roommates. We asked around the block and no one knew who owned it. While drunk, 5 or 6 people regularly pissed in the tank for a few weeks until it was over flowing, at which point we moved on to pissing through a cracked window. Someone tried to drive that car later in the summer and it seized up in the middle of the street a few blocks from our place.

*We returned home from 3 hours of a beer and pizza buffet to play video games. The roommates decided that the first loser had to slam a beer fresh off the grill. My roommate lost and skulled a Beast with an oven mitt on. He subsequently emptied about 2 gallons of beer and pizza into our neighbors flower patch. All the plants died.