Post-nuptial shutoff?

Words I got from my college coach when I got married... "Enjoy the first 6 months son, after that it is just you and Sportscenter." I thought he was kidding, but now I can tell you the weekly rotation of anchors before the show airs.

I am 39, and I don't need/want to have sex every day as I used to. Now, 2 or 3 times a week is perfect for me. The one thing that puts me in the mood is my boyfriend being kind and attentive, and not rushing anything. Also love massages (but he doesn't).

I was wondering: do you men need/want sex every day, even after 30? Do you think about sex a lot (I used to in my twenties, not so much anymore).

It does wear off after a while.

I still look and appreciate beauty when I see it, after all I'm not dead, but at my age (52) it's not likely to happen much anymore, and to be honest I don't regret NOT marrying as I have witnessed so much misery and unhappiness with people who did walk down the aisle...along with some truly shocking stories of spouses who just took off (men AND women). I dated 3 women in a row who wanted to be single parents BY CHOICE, then dated 2-3 in a row who had quiet substance abuse issues. Ouch.

What stuns me is how beautiful the current generation of 20-30 something women are. When I was that age the situation was not the same. I will not apologize for that, as I had one ex-sister-in-law comment on the lack of cute girls in my HS graduation class, corroborating my experience. It was the same in college, too. I just wasn't inspired enough to bother, plus I worked nights and off-shift for years.

Or perhaps I was unlucky, or maybe...LUCKY?

I do know people who are happily married, or at least give the appearance of same, to be honest.

Life is funny.

Still Married and Happy wrote:

First of all, if you're 25 and single and playing the field with some success you're viewed as a stud. If you're 35 and doing the same thing you may be envied by some unhappily married men, but more and more people (especially women) are starting to view you with caution - you are a commitment phobe, you're shallow, etc... If you're 45 and still playing the field you're usually viewed as either a loser or a creepy, egotistical cad. If you happen to be rich, you can surely attract younger, shallow women to be with you for a while, but it won't be love you'll be getting.

All it takes to get laid is being male. It takes a man to love.

Peace.

I agree with this 100%

Great post.

I'm channeling 2 mental images:

1. donald trump

2. that old woody allen movie that featured the "orgasmatron"

trump has plenty of the best aphrodisiac in the universe: MONEY, don't delude yourself

if someone invented an orgasmatron they'd be richer than Gates and Cheney combined

this is a fantastic thread

Wow, I have to say I feel sorry for MOST of you guys. I have been with my wife for 6 years and married for over two now...and honestly it’s been great. Maybe there’s been a slight decline in action which would be due less to being married and more because our lives are busier in general. We have replaced the more meaningless stuff with that which is a lot more exciting. I won’t throw any number out there, least to say she wants it probably more than I and we are both very satisfied. We’re both young so I suppose that plays in our favor….but I can’t see age changing anything for us except maybe with the addition of children in our lives, when it eventually happens.

In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with 'playing the field' well into your 60's or 70's if that’s what you so choose to do. Why should anyone get married for the sake of upholding social structure and fulfilling social norms? The only reason one might not play the field when single at such an age, would be due to the influence of others. As much as many of us don’t like to think of it our elders are privy to the same natural drives as you or I. It's BS that your expected to shrivel up and die without staying sexually active. I say if it works for you then do it. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex or commitment sex, one is no better than the other...it’s about what you want as an individual-regardless of age.

I laughed at the poster who commented that being shut off led to more training time: a hidden advantage!!!

The key day for me was when a gal friend (along with some other friens) had arranged a 'meeting' with ANOTHER of their friends. I recall groaning inwardly when I asked one of them

"Is she the one you're talking about?"

nodding my head toward a cute member of their little crew.

One of the ladies leaned around me and glanced at whom I was referring to. She got a scornful look on her face then said

"It figures, you like the pretty skinny one with the big

boobs."

"Well...yeah..." I replied meekly.

The eventual meeting took place and I haven't bothered dating since as the friend they set me up with was not at all what they led me to believe.

I haven't dated since, and since I have parental caretaker duties as the #1 priority in my life and had other experiences similar to the aforementioned, really have no

time and have vastly reduced desire now.

It was like someone threw a switch.

Another stat.....a vast majority of marriages have some type of affair. I have heard 70-80%!!! That was my situation, hence the name "a bitter guy". My ex fell in love with someone else. I can get over it BUT what about our 3 children. Sadly, they kids end up being hurt by this stuff. Well, I learned another effing life leason.

I married a women for her looks and the sex, BIG MISTAKE. We did not share common values with each other. Now she's gone, I am a single Dad with 3 kids. Life is tough. Lession learned...must have shared values.

'a bitter guy', that statistic probably includes emotional affairs. Emotional affairs are a lot more harmful to woman than men. Whereas for males its the sexual act itself that is most threatening.

I've been having an affair with my best friend's wife for 2 years. Does that make me a bad friend? The sex is way hotter than what I get at home.

Still Married and Happy wrote:

All it takes to get laid is being male. It takes a man to love.

Peace.

You know, you were doing great there right up until that comment. You were plain talking and all down to earth and right on the money. Then you felt some need for the big, pithy statement at the finish and succeeded only in sounding like something from the Hallmark Channel.

Is it possible to get diabetes from a comment?

2 questions: is she really hot and does he have a gun?

You are missing the point, Rapture. No one should get married to uphold a social structure. People should get married because they believe love is real (as people like Jean Jacques Rousseau and Jane Austen did, among others), that real love is a source of happiness on this earth, and that they have found someone they love and who they believe does and will love them back. That is the only reason to get married.

There are two types of bachelors. The type I described in the above post (the stud who morphs through his own choices and shallowness into a pathetic sort of figure), and the bachelor who genuinely believes and yearns for love, but for some reason has been unlucky in finding it. The former person is an object of disdain, the latter an object of sympathy.

If someone professes to not believe in true love, by all means they shouldn't marry. They can play the field into their 60s or whatever, but I suspect they are never quite as happy as they profess themselves to be. There have been some recent studies that show life-long married folks to be happier in general.

You seem to be confusing the right to play the field with my point that such a choice is certainly open and available to anyone in a free society, but it has real consequences. People have and always will make value judgments. They could no longer excuse themselves from the moral realm of making value judgments as they could excuse themselves from breathing oxygen. Man is the great esteemer (Plato).

We are and always will be defined by the choices we make. Choose carefully.

Peace.

It doesn't make you a good friend. And, it is not an unusual situation, either.

spare me wrote:

Is it possible to get diabetes from a comment?

Chew on it for a while.

One of my best friends is an interesting case. Great guy that is 37. His wife divorced him about two years ago and they have two kids. My friend hit it big with the business he started while he was married for 10 years. He makes a ton of $. Over a million a year before taxes.

He has been absolutely miserable dating ever since his wife left. He can get laid all he wants because of his money but he no longer knows who likes him and who is flat out using him for his money. His only shot at finding true love at this point is looking up old girlfriends that liked him when he was not rich.

This dude gets as much snatch as he wants and he is absolutely miserable. He was much happier when he was married and on his end was happy. He only got laid maybe 2 times a month when he was married but it didnt matter.

Bottom line is that in the end sex is really not what makes most people happy. The best women are the ones that you love to be around even when you have your clothes on. Sorry for the long post that didnt come together to well in the end.

If the guys' money is making him unhappy I'd be totally willing to help him shoulder the burden.

Still Married and Happy wrote:

Chew on it for a while.

Too late. I already need insulin.

I got conned into joining a video dating outfit some years back. The saleswomen were canvassing potential clients at this comedy club. Both women were really CUTE.

Well I went through the routine. The day the membership died was when one "counselor" at the place told me:

'You know the best match for you might not be someone who's beautiful on the outside, but beautiful on the inside.'

This was after I'd viewed ten womens' videos and had gotten negative replies each time. I was told I'd selected ten of the most beautiful members they had.

Beware.

Run more mileage and take cold showers.