Dating a woman that wants $10k engagement ring. Red flag? Drop her?

She shouldn't have to tell you. If you were a proper adult, you'd know that $10k nowadays is probably the least you could spend on a worthy ring. I spent $13k 26 years ago, about $25k in today's money, and I have the lasting satisfaction of knowing that the ring is worthy of the great woman whom I married. And the gratification that she finds the ring a worthy symbol of our wonderful 25+ year union.

For a couple with six months of expenses saved and no debt besides a mortgage, spending a lot on a ring is reasonable (and generally expected) if that’s what she wants. If finances are tight, the sensible compromise is a cheap ring now with a clear plan to upgrade once you’re financially secure. If she’s materialistic about everything and this is part of a broader pattern, that’s a different issue, but wanting a nice ring on its own is entirely sensible.

We did a variation of this. What I'd do today would be to suggest a vacation to one of the major diamond centers of the world to pick out the diamond... probably to the diamond center near Tel Aviv, Israel. Your wife would get a diamond AND a romantic story to tell her friends. The cost of the diamond and the vacation would probably be in the same range as the diamond itself in the US, but think of the memories to go with the stone.

What I actually did was less romantic, but it worked out okay. I bought a 3.43 carat VVF diamond from Tel Aviv and the ring in Turkey. Then, years later, we had the stone remounted in a 2nd setting with emeralds. It's embarrassingly large, but it was the only stone larger than 1.25c that my broker had available at the time.

Therein lies the problem. The OP (from a year ago) is obviously trolling, but there is a kernel of truth to the trolling. You should not have to be forced to buy your way to your spouse's affection. This is precisely why men are walking away from a multi-year headache.

Flashy expensive engagement and wedding bands are the stupidest waste of money. Big expensive weddings don’t make much sense to me either.

Save your bucks for fun experiences together, and a big down payment on a good house. You’ll have more fun!

If she expects 10K before you get married....there will be a lot more cash you will expend down the road. Dump her like yesterdays bad news but make sure you hit it first.

.....woman WHO wants......

Tell her you see her red flag and that you raise her one.Then tell her you have a much more valuable.ring but she can't have it. Nobody can..The ring is yours..Yo wants it. You needs it. The precious. But you don't have it with you. Two unfit trailwalking hobbyjogging filthy hobitses stole it and now you have to go with them on a quest to destroy it. If she' understands and waits for you in your cave by the pond she's a keeper.

Who set that rule = jewelers.

The bigger the ring, the bigger the divorce. :thumbs_up:

Assuming:

1) This isn't a troll.

2) The partner is actually insisting OP spend $10,000 on a ring (as opposed to the far more likely scenario where she has pointed out a few rings she likes which happen to be in that price range).

Then it really depends on OPs financial means. This is something she wears every day for the rest of her life and, rightly or wrongly, will be noticed by many of the women she meets in life.

If $10,000 is far outside your budget (e.g. you make $50,000 annually), then you should have a realistic conversation with her and look at some options in a reasonable price range. If she is really the woman you are going to spend your life with, a conversation like that should be no issue at all.

If $10,000 is well manageable by the budget, but you think it's a waste of money, you might need to change your perspective and realize it's something which she values and bite the bullet. Just like the guy who spent $10,000 on his bike, his wife might have thought that was a waste of money when he can get just as good of a workout on a $1000 bike, but different people value different things.

Thousands of years ago.

“The ultimate goal is to find someone who makes your life easier.”

That is ridiculous. Nothing about having a longterm relationship, or a kid, or running intervals is about making your life easier. Nonetheless, they can be worthwhile. If the ultimate goal is to make your life easier get a blowup doll.

Rings should mean something because you're going to have that on your finger until you part, but commercial rings mean nothing. They have zero connection to you or your lives. This is something that should connect the two of you and your families, so go with the heirloom ring. What special connection does anyone have with Tiffany's or whatever? The ring, which was my father's, is a piece of history that is distinctive in design and connects me to my wife and back to my father and mother. My wife preferred a different family heirloom for dress occasions while she asked me for a few simple and inexpensive bands over the years. Get the expensive rings, too, maybe your wife gets assaulted for her ring. Better not to have to worry about that happening.

Facts. The billion-dollar wedding industry is fleecing someone right now, usually dad. Frick that.

Maybe not quite the same thing, but we skipped the engagement ring altogether and purchased a pizza instead. We leveraged a coupon to get a large for the price of a medium. It was delicious! We purchased wedding bands from a small shop in Central America. They were purported to be silver but I'm pretty sure they were just melted down beer cans. Together, the rings cost about $8, which allowed money for another pizza night. We're still married almost 25 years later and we're still having fun. Can you have a good marriage and a happy life without supporting the wedding industry, and all of its silly conventions? I'll have to think about that over pizza.

Depends on the woman and man. Some can see this as an outrageous price. Some can see it as cheap. just depends on the person. You should have a good idea of the type of person they are before ring shopping.

buy a $300 look a like, and she won't even know the difference. Been married for a bit now. If she loves you, she look past any dumb material item and focus on what is important. If she is that materialistic, maybe find someone else.

Let me give you anyone a piece of advice when it comes to engagement rings:

I'm going to write a book on this so you're getting the advice for free.

1. Go on Craiglist or FB Marketplace.

Plenty of separated or divorced women on their selling their rings and you can save thousands.

2. Have them meet you at a jeweler of your choosing to verify authenticty.

3. You don't care about the ring or setting. You care about the diamond. Make sure the cut is what she wants.

4. Once the deal is done, go back to said jeweler and have the diamond re-set in any setting.

5. She will never know.

6. If CL or FB marketplace dont work, go to a pawn shop. You'll pay more than cl or FB but you'll still save considerably over a wholesaler