Married men: How do you deal with your wife when she's being irrational and not really making sense?

I have a lot of female friends and this has come up in conversations.

From their point of view: it’s likely that she has been upset for a while, has tried discussing the subject, but he has either a) not understood b) ignored it c) forgotten about it.

So what you are seeing in an argument is not just the scenario in front of you, but a whole slew of interactions beforehand that you aren’t paying attention to.

Basically means she’s been very upset and emotional for some time now, and you’ve been oblivious. And now you’re suddenly expecting her to explain it to you *AGAIN* and she’s frustrated because she feels like she already has.

(Not saying this is you, specifically OP, just that this seems the general consensus from women who’ve complained about their partners.)

Of course. For the OP the problem is always the other person - he plays no part in it.

In cases like this, if this is really what's happening, anyone would be upset. I'm not sure this is really what the OP is talking about though. I'll give some examples of what I've experienced with women from my own relationships.

Had a relationship with a girl who had a lot of unresolved trauma and whose emotions were all over the place. She would regularly start fights over the most trivial things, things that most people wouldn't bat an eye at. When I told her a story about how my sister was involved in an accident several years prior and almost died, she immediately got mad at me and started attacking me saying I need to go to therapy and that's why we've been having fights all the time. She had no awareness that a) attacking someone after they share a personal story about a loved one is awful behavior, b) no awareness that she started basically every fight we ever had, c) I very much already had processed things and was fine about it.

Have had women contradict themselves mere sentences apart and seemed to be almost dazed and confused during the conversation.

Had a married woman freak out on me and get very upset with me because she thought I should be her secret second husband the rest of our lives and was genuinely shocked when I told her that didn't make sense even without the ethical concerns.

Have had numerous women argue with me on things that are my expertise (like running, the job I've been doing for 10 years, a lifelong hobby, etc) even though they have no experience or education with the subject at all.

Girl I'm dating right now told me she's reading a book she really likes and gave one example from the book which stated that men have higher testosterone, and that means we let men be violent and get a free pass since people wrongly believe testosterone is associated with aggression and so men can't help it. This girl is seemingly sane in general and is college educated.

...

I could go on... Even the best women I have ever met in my life have still told me they can be very irrational at times but are usually very self aware about it (which helps immensely). As a man, it's one of those things you just have to accept as a reality and try to not pay too much attention to. In my own experience, it's harder to deal with this stuff if your relationship is super close and easier to deal with it if you're not. Just try to kind of wave it off and ignore it.

1. Listen

2. Ask questions and mirror back what's she's saying.

3. Don't offer advice

Sounds to me like she is looking for a fight and an excuse to exit the relationship.

Tell her: I will start listening to the garbage coming out of your mouth when your brain returns from Saturn.

Well the first thing I would do is NOT go to a message board that contains a great deal of misogyny and ask for advice there.

For the two-plus years of my marriage, my wife refused to work a full-time job...she also refused to help reign in our living and social expenses. We don't have kids, so there was no reason for her to not work full time. She just had unrealistic expectations and wouldn't listen to logic, reason, or math.

We're currently in the midst of divorce. Gonna cost me tens of thousands to get out. Best money I'll ever spend.

My advice...get a firm prenup (even if you don't have a lot of money), and make sure you're confident with her commitment to working...some women think getting married is a winning lottery ticket.

Too many serious and tl;dr posts. All the good jokes got deleted...WTF?

B!tches, amirite?

I reflect upon what her sisters "O" face looked like the last time this happened...

Um...NOOOOOOOO.

1) The person I was responding to was the one who suggested that people are ALWAYS irrational when they get emotional so that is why I used that word responding to him.

2) I maintain that my wife is NEVER irrational when emotional or ever. MOST people (and not even a vast majority) would become irrational SOMETIMES when emotional. My wife does not.

3) You are incorrect about perfection. A person could have incorrect information when making a decision and could then make the wrong decision without it being an irrational one. A person can be wrong about things and make what turns out to be the wrong decision without being irrational. Sometimes very rational decisions turn out to not have been the right one as situations change after making said decision. Maybe your issue is not knowing what words mean.

How do you deal with an aggressive dog during your run? Does it imply that you own the dog?
You are too quick to judge others. You are always looking to attack them.
Be better.

Lots of people do things they shouldn't. They smoke. The use drugs legally and illegally to get high. They drink too much. They lie. They cheat on their spouse. They act irrationally when they get emotional. I don't do any of those things. You can accuse me of being straight-laced if you want, but I don't fall into the flawed activities mentioned above.

We are in charge of the things we do. Too many people rationalize their bad behavior by thinking and SAYING that everyone does it. Well, no, not everyone engages in bad behavior.

I never said anyone was pefect. You can be imperfect and yet still never behave irrationally.

Rule No. 1 - Your wife is always is right.

Rule No. 2 - If you think she is wrong, read rule no. 1 again.

.

And no one ALWAYS or NEVER does something irrational, although I suppose some people who aren't very self aware might think they do.*

* Not necessarily a shot at you, FP, but you're choosing an odd hill to die on. Just take the L and move on.

He always takes the L and often takes the D.

“Yes dear. No dear”