Runner girls: why has it never worked out?

OP, at some point, probably sooner than many think, competitive running is going to end. So, as much as it really does help to have a partner who is committed to a healthy lifestyle and staying fit, you definitely need other interests in common or, at least be able to forge them.

I dated a runner in college, and, from a sexual compatibility standpoint, it was great. She had great legs and a nice butt, and, while her boobs were small like most runners, they were shapely. We had sex all the time, usually 2x per day, and it was amazing. But, that’s all we did, sex, running, and eating dinner together. We hardly had anything else in common. I was a math/science guy, and she wanted social work. I’m not saying that opposites can’t attract and ultimately work, but we literally had nothing in common, so, it was always destined to fail.

The best advice I’ve ever gotten was to marry the smartest person you can tolerate. Hopefully they are like a 7-8 on the attractiveness scale and like to stay in shape, as you should, but there needs to be some intellectual stimulation, and, perhaps a shared value system (religion, moral compass, attitude toward finances, etc). Anything more attractive than an 8 probably makes for a tough relationship fraught with jealousy, insecurity, and head games. As you get older, a great personality can really enhance attractiveness. Beauty is skin deep and will fade. You need to learn to appreciate a persons mind and soul as well.

I don't know that I can really give you good advice on this topic. My date was supposed to meet me at the gym but she never showed up.

That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.

Not sure what your goals are in wanting to date a runner, but if you are looking for a long term relationship, a serious interest in and commitment to running should not be the strongest thing that bonds you together.

Serious running is fragile and can and will end due to injury, age or life. Near total focus on trying to be the best runner one can be is a really a very selfish thing, and not something that will be tolerated for long in a relationship.

Odds are running will end for at least one of a running couple sooner than later. What happens when the running ends? When running is the very essence of someone's life, that same person ceases to exist when the running ends.

A long-term relationship should not be based on running alone.

I speak from experience, as my wife and I met (at a race) in our late 20's. The serious interest in running was the common thing that helped form the attraction, and we were fortunate that it continued for about a decade. Then injury, illness and other things forced my wife to stop running. I continued to run, and both of us were forced to reevaluate the relationship and do some soul searching after such a big part of who we were ended for her. Fortunately we are still going strong 20+ years later because of the other interests that are not as fragile as running (lifestyle choices, interest in the outdoors, diet choices, etc).

It's the neuroticism and sometimes autism (in both sexes). Those traits enable success in the sport but hold runners back in the dating world.

One girl I chased (dumb, never chase) was an All-American and very focused academically. I don't think she'd ever dated anyone, which should have been a yellow flag. In hindsight, based on our one date and some Letsrun posts she was probably on the spectrum, at least that's what I told myself after she ghosted me.

Another runner girl I was in a relationship with was very neurotic in her daily habits plus a lot of other stuff unrelated to running.

I'm now in a great relationship with a girl who only ran in high school. She lifts 4x a week and runs 1-2x. Very easy to get along with, good looking, same values, it's great.

Great post. Now tell us more about the sex.

In college and a bit in my “pro” days I dated two NCAA All-Americans, one who was a national champ. Now I kinda look back and cringe at myself as my spikes have long been hung up and the PRs could have been a bit quicker if I wasn’t such a little boy in my insecurities in those relationships. When she won NCAA indoors and I was in a boot with another stress fracture it was as if we lived in different planets our energies were so off. But the sex was pretty good and she loved my massages.

Runners are good at running away from things and they’re usually neurotic and intelligent, or if they’re sprinters, probably freaky. Chances if you make this thread are that you’re not alfalfa enough to snag either type of woman, but you can probably get a casual runner gf who does 10-12min/mi pace

As a runner girl, I'm telling you right now..

It's you.

I’m married to a runner girl and we have three young children. I wouldn’t change anything, but it can be challenging when both partners are competing for the same time to complete their hobby. Both of us can’t just head out at 7am for a morning run. One has to stay back and watch the kids. It’s lunch time on the weekend by the time we both get our runs in. It can lead to resentment if one side has more time to train. Just a thought.

Also, if you can’t get runner girls it’s probably you. Maybe you come off as condescending when you talk to them about running? Mansplaining threshold pace isn’t going to you and lovin’

I have time so I will share some of my experiences.
I've been fortunate to only date runner girls and eventually marry one. When I was a freshman in hs I dated a senior. didn't workout for obvious reasons and she was the slowest of all the ones I dated. The initial attraction for me was quite simply boobs haha. She liked me simply because I ran on varsity. Very surface level relationship but she was objectively really good looking and that is all it was. Extremely slow runner 25 min+ 5k lol 3/10

Next was a girl on the varsity xc team my junior year. Still friends with her to this day but didn't workout and the team dynamic with other girls on my team was a little weird but not too bad. Had to not talk to her for about a year before resuming friendship. We had all of the same friends so we were always going to be friends again. This relationship wasn't built on us both being runners initially. I was way too friendly and got too much attention from other girls for this relationship to work though. friendship 10/10 relationship 4/10.

Senior year I dated a JV sprinter and a varsity xc girl at a rival school. I will take full accountability for spending entirely way too much time talking to girls my senior year. My xc performances paid the price for it a bit. Team dynamic dating the jv sprinter was good. (all of my friends were xc/distance folk) She had a bad reputation overall in school though lol so I got bad looks for that. realtionship 2/10.

The last one I dated was at a rival school. Where my biggest competition at the time ran. She was on a state record holding 4x16 team. Bumped into her at a invitational and instantly connected. Although we both ran our bond wasn't running and this relationship was way better than the prior ones. It ALWAYS burned a hole in my mind what training they were doing. To the point where we just said we wouldn't talk about practice lol. For reference their fastest guy won a state title I was in the running for myself i never let that come between us but I was a very competitive person. Didn't workout due to college distances. Relationship 9/10.

Lastly I dated and married my wife who I met in college. She ran D1 and D2 and was a multiple time state champion/conference champion. Her whole family ran in college and most of my brother in-laws ran in college. Our initial bond was that we both were on the team and had similar daily lives and were attracted to eachother. We grew to obviously like a ton more about eachother. Relationship infinity/10 lol

I've talked to/dated a good bit more runners and the initial attraction was always that they were a runner/fit/outdoorsy but that is never enough to keep the relationship going on it's own. Also for what its worth every girl I dated was faster than the last one haha. Like someone else said the fact that we both run is an initial conversation starter but there is so much more to it after that. You may be better off with a non-runner. Never force a relationship though. It just isn't worth the investment.