she might be depressed brah
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Life choices wrote:
A Difference of Opinion wrote:
With all due respect, its not "absurd". Given the OP can do what he likes, but it is clear that if he chooses to prioritise sex in his life above his marriage, stability, career, hobbies, etc then he will end up with a life in which sex is the driver behind his important life decisions and how his life plays out. Thats something you might expect a juvenile to do, not a mature adult. That might work financially for him if he is very wealthy already but otherwise it does seem a route to financial insecurity. But if thats the OP's choice, then he will not be alone in making that choice.
Some men of course marry a woman they think might put up with cheating and then find out thats a quick way to the divorce courts. Others cheat and manage to keep it secret, but I would ask you what sort of women they are getting involved with and what health risks they are taking (some stds can be passed on through any form of oral contact including kissing eg genital herpes). Sleaziness is rarely a road worth travelling.
It's not just the sex per se, but for most men sex is also intimacy. Is it possible to have a strong marriage without physical intimacy? That's not a marriage I would want to be in for the rest of my life, but everyone is different, of course. Without sex what is the bond between marriage partners based on - common interests? Obviously, when there are children they usually become the focus of the marriage.
Good question; my parents have been married 44 years (as of this August) but their relationship is weird. They argue a ton but haven't divorced and sleep in separate beds, whether they are at home or at their vacation home in FL.
To their credit they are still together. I think some people would rather be in a bad relationship than divorced. Some people get along better when divorced, honestly.
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Have never been wrote:
fan of amps wrote:
This is why massage parlors exist. Having an a affair with one other woman can be messy and ugly, even a one night stand can have loose ends. Massage parlors are pretty much universally condoned as a quick, relatively cheap no strings attached and can offer the feeling of uniqueness on a regular basis. This is why the law pretty much turns a blind eye as cops, judges etc are doing the same thing. SO shouldn't be upset as there is no emotional connection.
So where can one find a massage parlor?
What services are offered?
Genuine questions for someone interested.
BUMP perverts.
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get up stand up wrote:
It's not healthy to have no sex drive. Something is wrong physically or emotionally.
My wife had a friend who didn't want to have sex with her husband and shut him off because she felt he sided with his mother over her. He was oblivious and had no clue what was going on. Women are complicated. Once they dealt with it, they were fine. Can you talk about it?
Women are also complicated hormonally. She might have something going on there. If she's open to it, have her seek out a doctor who specializes in it, even if they seem a bit woowoo. Again, it's not normal and healthy to have no sex drive.
Is she open to you trying to get her going with touch, perhaps with a vibrator? That's by far the most fun part of the whole experience anyway when she get going and has her orgasm. It's not close. After a year and a half I'm sure you just want release, but is she open to you trying to please her? I think if I just wanted a wham bam thank you mam my wife would just reluctantly let me do my thing like it's a chore.
My wife and I are going on 40 years together and that part of life is the best ever by far. Sounds weird but we are still getting more comfortable and less inhibited with each other. And we're post-kids and post ability to have kids. She's gotten some hormonal things straightened out and is as horny as she was as a newlywed. It was always good, but goes up and down throughout the stages of life, and now is on fire. Helps that she's smoking hot (I'm not).
I hope this is real and I haven't wasted time invested into helping you. She should be concerned about it. You should be talking about it like it's a serious illness that you two want to find a cure for.
Now maybe it's just not a part of her like some people have bad eyesight or are deaf or something and you just live with it, but the first thought should be that it's a problem that needs to be fixed.
Good post, it probably helps if you are both retired DINKs and $ and stability in life comes into play--say people in their 50s-60s with the kids out of the house and grown themselves (22-35)--so you can enjoy retirement. Consequently you can relax as your needs are met and you can have fun.
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OP, to answer your question - voice your concerns and see what she says. Don't try and coerce or manipulate her into doing it either, but if she really just isn't willing to improve this part of your relationship then you have a tough decision to make. Nobody can tell you whether or not a sexless marriage with this person is worth it to you, but I will say that just as she's not "forced" to have sex with you, you are not forced to stay with her. Also don't listen to the feminist claptrap that's being repeated in this thread, you shouldn't feel ashamed for having sexual needs just because you're a man. Even as a woman, being asexual usually means there's something wrong, it's usually not normal or healthy to have 0 sex drive. Plus you're married, if you're not having sex or having children then there's not too much separating you from being good friends or just participants in a financial contract with each other.
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Maybe explore some new ideas? Sorry if this is a bit out there for you but we've explored having other people get involved in our sexual relationship. My wife thought I was crazy at first but it has totally recharged our sexual relationship.
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RobMcD wrote:
Maybe explore some new ideas? Sorry if this is a bit out there for you but we've explored having other people get involved in our sexual relationship. My wife thought I was crazy at first but it has totally recharged our sexual relationship.
Can you elaborate please?
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roulette wheel wrote:
get up stand up wrote:
My wife and I are going on 40 years together and that part of life is the best ever by far..
Good post, it probably helps if you are both retired DINKs and $ and stability in life comes into play--say people in their 50s-60s with the kids out of the house and grown themselves (22-35)--so you can enjoy retirement. Consequently you can relax as your needs are met and you can have fun.
One income, middle class, not retired, young adult kids still in the house (have to go camping if she wants to get loud), but we are definitely more relaxed and having a lot of fun meeting each others' needs.
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Divorce. Really. Just get it over with.
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skirocket91 wrote:
Men in a sexless marriage, what do you do? My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and married for 2. We had sex sparingly when we dated, but I always thought marriage would light the spark. It’s been a year and a half since we had sex. She has no desire, doesn’t care, and has a low sex drive. I feel lost, alone, and confidence is at an all time low.
What do I doWoman here. your wife was probably not that attracted to you to begin with or you don't really know how to get her going, which was why you had sex sparingly in the relationship. You probably checked some important boxes for her; good job, nice person, good family, good values etc, but she didn't find you appealing sexually.
Women have gotten good at getting what they need on their own. I hate this because I do feel like men who find themselves in these situations are kind of used. They just want a wedding and a husband a nice guy to come home to, but they aren't satisfied by them and to them it's perfectly fine.
I'd say you can do two things. 1. figure out how to get better in bed and be more satisfying to her. 2. get out of the marriage if that isn't helping.
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sighs in six languages wrote:
or you don't really know how to get her going, ...
I'd say you can do two things. 1. figure out how to get better in bed and be more satisfying to her.
Let's be honest, a guy getting his rocks off is not that difficult or that special. Like the losers said, you can go to a massage parlor.
But getting a woman to respond, and move like that, and sound like that, and finish in a blaze of glory and satisfaction... there's no better feeling in the world. Me finishing is really nice, but it's not close to the feeling of pleasing her.
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Horseflop. Men wanted sex every bit as much as they did 5000 years ago. They arranged their entire lives to get it, just like today, just like women will turn their lives upside down to be provisioned by high status men. Just because they weren’t having children doesn’t mean they weren’t having sex. Desperate men will go to prostitutes, perform all sorts of crazy and unhealthy arrangements to get that booty, same then as now.
You act as if a man in a sexless marriage is obligated to take it. How ridiculous. There are plenty of things he can try. Some good advice has been offered on this thread (not massage parlors). I bet non-trolls reading this want another option than “capitalism means I want sex too much.”
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RobMcD wrote:
Maybe explore some new ideas? Sorry if this is a bit out there for you but we've explored having other people get involved in our sexual relationship. My wife thought I was crazy at first but it has totally recharged our sexual relationship.
1. You are a troll.
2. Pervert.
3. Worst advice ever. Opening a Pandora’s box.
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Step one is to tell your wife that your are concerned that she never wants to have sex. Step two is to go with her to an OBGYN appointment and see whether there are any physical issues. Step three is couples therapy to see whether there is a relationship issue or something going on that is keeping her from wanting to have sex.
Low or no libido in women is often a physical/hormonal issue that can be addressed by a physician. It can also be an issue with prescription medication. Mental health (depression, etc.) can also cause low libido. These can all be the case even when the relationship is otherwise good. Of course, if the relationship is bad, it is not really low libido. It is just a fact that women will abstain from sex if the emotional connection with their spouse has been damaged. Finally, some women do find out later in life that they are attracted to other women and are no longer attracted to men. Nobody's fault. Just a fact of life sometimes.
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Have never been wrote:
RobMcD wrote:
Maybe explore some new ideas? Sorry if this is a bit out there for you but we've explored having other people get involved in our sexual relationship. My wife thought I was crazy at first but it has totally recharged our sexual relationship.
Can you elaborate please?
What Rob is saying is...he's a cuuuuuck.
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Offer pegging, report back with her reaction.
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Let it Rupp wrote:
Have never been wrote:
Can you elaborate please?
What Rob is saying is...he's a cuuuuuck.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Rupp projecting
Roger Stone is a conservative cuuuuuuuuck hero.
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Let it Rupp wrote:
Have never been wrote:
Can you elaborate please?
What Rob is saying is...he's a cuuuuuck.
You idolize cuuuuuuuuucks.
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Multiuser wrote:
dimguss wrote:
Men and women tend to view sex a bit differently. Women are often more turned on by the mental aspects of sex - the power dynamics between the two of you, the thrill of risking being caught, acting "naughty" or "taboo" - and are less turned on by the visual and physical stimuli like men. Try to find ways to make sex more mentally and emotionally stimulating for her. If that doesn't work, she could be too uncomfortable around sex and/or her body in general and feels embarrassed by being/feeling sexual. Her sex drive can be inhibited by medications, stress or genetic factors. She might love you, but not feel sexually attracted to you - look at how you're acting and possibly try being less effeminate and soft (this often happens to men after being in a relationship), take charge in the relationship.
Maybe she just doesn't enjoy being poked. Because that's basically what it boils down to. For men, many of whom seem to live in a world of sexual fantasy, they are basically obsessed with sex. But being in bed for hours being prodded and licked can be pretty boring really. Never mind when the man is older and still trying to relive his youth.
For most of human history, the majority of men in most societies wouldn't have had the opportunity of having much sex at all. Many wouldn't even have reproduced. Only wars and capitalism have allowed average men to view sex as an "essential" recreational activity. The idea that ordinary men are "entitled" to a lifetime of sex, potentially with multiple different women, really is a very new concept that is quite untested. Its not really surprising that many women aren't really playing along with that concept.
For most of human history most men didn’t have access to clean water or soap, only wars and capitalism has allowed that. you think women would appreciate a clean man
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sighs in six languages wrote:
skirocket91 wrote:
Men in a sexless marriage, what do you do? My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and married for 2. We had sex sparingly when we dated, but I always thought marriage would light the spark. It’s been a year and a half since we had sex. She has no desire, doesn’t care, and has a low sex drive. I feel lost, alone, and confidence is at an all time low.
What do I doWoman here. your wife was probably not that attracted to you to begin with or you don't really know how to get her going, which was why you had sex sparingly in the relationship. You probably checked some important boxes for her; good job, nice person, good family, good values etc, but she didn't find you appealing sexually.
Women have gotten good at getting what they need on their own. I hate this because I do feel like men who find themselves in these situations are kind of used. They just want a wedding and a husband a nice guy to come home to, but they aren't satisfied by them and to them it's perfectly fine.
I'd say you can do two things. 1. figure out how to get better in bed and be more satisfying to her. 2. get out of the marriage if that isn't helping.
Thanks for your honest and good post. Especially the second paragraph. Nowadays women really don't need men in that aspect--I know many women in their 20s and 30s with great jobs and $$$ and they go from guy to guy but don't necessarily need them other than for a fling. They don't need a man's $ any more or don't have to be dependent (which is great) but it also makes it honestly awkward sometimes, especially if they earn more than the guy. Most guys or women won't even talk much about it if there is a financial imbalance where she earns more than him--and that also affects the bedroom relationships and friendships/social circles (networks and jobs as well). If you're a guy it's good to have a lot of money just in case and some social clout, to be truly blunt, so that you don't feel weird around power women who have more $$ than you...it makes you equal to them.
With 3rd-wave feminism, women can truly have it all and can afford to be picky.
That is why it's hard for guys on online dating--women rule the selection process.
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