My ex is engaged. I'm struggling

I’m sorry for your pain, OP.

I broke up with someone I thought I was going to marry 3 years ago and it set off a long depressive period in my life. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I assume they are well but we haven’t talked in years. I don’t follow them on social media and we don’t have mutual friends.

your suicidal ideation seems much more important than your feelings for and about your ex. You have an illness, which is nothing to be ashamed about — any more than it would make sense to be ashamed of having leukemia or a broken bone — and your ex is not the root cause

professional help will probably go a long way. I also personally recommend plant medicine in a safe, supportive setting. It has really helped a lot of people I know.

good luck.

I decided to read what the Savages comments might be and I'm impressed. They really hope you improve your mental state. Best wishes for you to move on. You've dodge the worst pain by moving on and not sticking around until she cheats on you. Been there done that, but I moved on. You'll find there's more for you to live for than someone that's already in your past.

Bang 10 chicks and then ask yourself how much you still care about your ex.

There are billions of women on planet earth. Don’t waste your time thinking about one. If she was the one then she should would do anything to be with you. She’s not so again don’t waste your energy even thinking about her. Focus on what you can control.

Did you not read his posts? She did cheat on him. It’s the only reason he’d dump her. Now that he’s older, he thinks he should have forgiven and made it work.

None of this is true. It's not about money or status, and break ups can be complicated. A lot of times women leave men because of the way they are treated in a relationship.

--signed, a woman.

OP,

Here's the solution to your problem. Go to Costco and buy some pants for yourself.

Open image

The number one reason for divorce is economic, not mistreatment. In the united states, women, initiate divorce 80+% of the time (more depending on race and how educated the female is), and 50% of all marriages end in divorce. I use divorce statistics because they are tracked, this can easily be extrapolated out to long term relationships.

It's uncomfortable, but in the real world, if you are a man money matters. If there was a way to track status or attractiveness, i guarantee the data would show the same.

Telling someone this isn't true is disingenuous and doesn't help him at all.

Thinking of her or what could of been is not healthy. Youre going to be in the same spot each day. Life is full of opportunities to meet new women and experience new things. The past is the past and its time to move on.

If you really care about her let her move on. Tim McGraw sings a song called Just to see you smile and a lyric that hits what you are going through is:

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
'Cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin' up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance I'd lie again

The pain will subside. I have been in a similar space when I mucked the realationship and cheated. The mistake was the best I ever made because I found the women that I was supposed to be with and today we have a beautiful life. At 40 I am happy with who I am with 15 years strong. Take care of yourself and don't drink too much it is not good when you are sad man it will only make things worse.

Perhaps, it's a reminder that sharing good news like being engaged or a wedding isn't going to make everyone happy. I've never been happy by others' wedding announcements.

Be mindful when sharing your good news to others

Go to a shelter and adopt a dog if you can afford to take care of one. They really do help with the loneliness, being responsible for their wellbeing will keep you going when you feel like checking out and taking them out for walks will put you in a position to stop wallowing in the house. A long time ago I had decided to end my life. I was on my to go and buy a firearm to do it with when I passed an animal shelter with one of those signs that showed the date, time and temperature on it. I noticed it was almost my mom's birthday and even I was not a big enough piece of crap to forever ruin that for her. I took it as a sign so I went inside that shelter and started the process of adopting a dog. The next day I picked her up after her spay surgery and over the next few months we became best friends. I was still a drunk, fat loser but at least my dog thought I was the most awesome person on the planet and that helped. Through being outside playing with my dog I met the woman I would later marry and have 3 kids with. I now look back on how I felt after losing the first woman I loved and what it did to me with sadness but also with the knowledge that in the end it helped me get to the life I lead today. And I really love the life I live today.

TL;DR: Get a dog, they will love you and as an added bonus girls love guys who are good to their dogs.

What this guy said, and if you can go to therapy, find a therapist who will listen and guide you. Just vent it all out to them, that's what they are there for.

I listen to this guy Rich Cooper on a youtube channel. I filter everything guys like this say. but one thing I think he is right about is for guys to avoid "one-itis". One thing I wish Rich would say is that often "one-itis" generally means a guy is a good and loyal person, but woimen by and large enter into and stay in relationships for different reasons than men. He focuses on the latter, but not the former. Just being a good and devoted guy doesn't often cut it. Losing the illusion that it does is not easy, but helpful. The nod to divorce statistics above is helpful. Women initiate the break-ups. Just stating avoid "one-itis" is simplistic, but I think it is something to really work on. This doesn't mean that a guy burned like the OP should be a less decent version of himself - as I say - odds are he is a very good dude - but that it makes no sense to get stuck emotionally on a single person until such time as you can discern a very deep trusting relationship. Personally, I think such relationships are rare and buyer beware is the operative term. Please, don't take this as a misogyny. Women have their legit complaints, too, especially with guys that simply don't mature. The end goal is to be happy on your own, and invite a relationship into your life only if it truly enhances it.

There are probably a dozen women who could post what you did about me. They will be melancholy and miserable the rest of their lives knowing they cannot have me anymore. Haha! Just typing that out makes me giggle uncontrollably. It feels AWESOME being on the other side of that equation.

Also, +1 to the advice on getting a dog.

"Several over the past few years" suggest that in fact you have NOT found a new GF in a serious sense. And that's fine! When you do, your ex will move into the rearview much faster. Trust me, I've been there.

In time you will find a new GF. Most people who have had more than one serious relationship will think from time to time of the ones that didn't work out, but for the most part even the most heartbroken of us move on.

Good luck!

In fact, mutual friends who told me about this also laughed. I just shrugged and took a diplomatic response, "I guess she's found what makes her happy." Turns out that marriage ended in less than two years. It was honestly a hard breakup for me, I didn't get closure in terms of understanding what I could have done better. In time, I had to realize that there was nothing I could have done, we just weren't great for each other. She then did something impulsive and reactionary and I can just be glad I didn't have to go through what the other guy did. But even if that wasn't the result, I can still be grateful and happy that I was truly free to pursue my best life and, eventually, the perfect woman to marry. Sure, rejection sucks in most any form and it can leave a mark that takes time to recover from. Like me, you probably mythologized who she was and what she meant to you. It's also difficult to admit that I lied to myself and to then sober up from that state. I had to find perspective to really see her for who and what she was, not some holy or evil thing. Just a complex person with both gifts and flaws. Though I pined for her a lot like you are right now, I'm at the point where I couldn't imagine trying to be with her and have been for a long time. Go have some other experiences, maybe even take some unwise risks, but most of all develop a full life.

True, it's selfish news, on the face of it. People who broadcast it on SM are insecure attention-seekers.

You cannot imagine right now being over her, but you will be over her. Period. Time distances and heals. Something you can't imagine now will just occur in a month, or a year, or a few years, and you won't even realize it happened it will be so gradual.

Anyone can get over anyone, because time and distance just does heal. You can bank on that