Just accurately describing to someone the unwanted or unprofessional behavior they're exhibiting and then shutting up works. You must shut up after you say it.
At first pass this just seemed dumb, but picturing really doing this is hilarious, although she would think he is severely challenged.
Just accurately describing to someone the unwanted or unprofessional behavior they're exhibiting and then shutting up works. You must shut up after you say it.
At first pass this just seemed dumb, but picturing really doing this is hilarious, although she would think he is severely challenged.
..."you're blowing me"!
I agree that it sounds dumb. The first time I did it, it wasn't part of a plan. I was working in an open office environment where everyone sitting down could see everyone else's heads. I was facing the window and a manager approached my desk (I was a director a level higher in the org, but she didn't report to me) and started yelling loudly at me (well, at the back of my head). I worked with some somewhat toxic and unprofessional managers and directors so I'd had some somewhat similar interactions before (not with her). I let her carry on with her unprofessionally worded loud-ass accusations because she was making herself look bad and I have a thick skin. Eventually I just slowly spun around in my chair and calmly said "Tina, you're yelling at me", then I said nothing more. She said nothing more. She didn't know how to respond to that. Then I said "Tina, why don't we go into the meeting room (which was about 30 feet away) and discuss your concerns?" and she immediately agreed. Inside the room she was calm and we had a constructive conversation about my decision she'd misunderstood and I suggested that if she had any concerns in the future I'm glad to discuss them privately. She was cordial from there forward. I think she realized her attempt to belittle me and demonstrate to our colleagues that she had power just made her look like an ass with no impulse control.
Since then I've used this technique more times than I wish I'd had to. Without fail the person has been stumped with how to respond other than to stop what I described and say nothing. I can't say it's foolproof, but give it a try when the time is right.
Some years ago I had a coworker who literally screamed at me in the middle of the office to not touch her because she "doesn't like being touched", because I tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention once. I did it again some time later out of habit and she again screamed at me in the middle of the office. Most bizarre work interaction of my life!
Sure it made her seem psycho and she came off as a complete a*hole and I certainly considered her to no longer be a work friend after that, but it worked. I'm not getting near anyone who screams at me about touching her simply because I tapped her on the shoulder.
Oddly she didn't seem to have a problem at all with another guy putting his hands all over her back at work. Guess she just had some strange problem with me lol
So, if the OP is even serious (the whole situation seems more like he's joking), I can promise you screaming at her in the middle of the office to not touch you will make her stop, but then again you said you wanted a solution that doesn't make you seem like an a*hole haha so maybe not.
At first pass this just seemed dumb, but picturing really doing this is hilarious, although she would think he is severely challenged.
..."you're blowing me"!
I agree that it sounds dumb. The first time I did it, it wasn't part of a plan. I was working in an open office environment where everyone sitting down could see everyone else's heads. I was facing the window and a manager approached my desk (I was a director a level higher in the org, but she didn't report to me) and started yelling loudly at me (well, at the back of my head). I worked with some somewhat toxic and unprofessional managers and directors so I'd had some somewhat similar interactions before (not with her). I let her carry on with her unprofessionally worded loud-ass accusations because she was making herself look bad and I have a thick skin. Eventually I just slowly spun around in my chair and calmly said "Tina, you're yelling at me", then I said nothing more. She said nothing more. She didn't know how to respond to that. Then I said "Tina, why don't we go into the meeting room (which was about 30 feet away) and discuss your concerns?" and she immediately agreed. Inside the room she was calm and we had a constructive conversation about my decision she'd misunderstood and I suggested that if she had any concerns in the future I'm glad to discuss them privately. She was cordial from there forward. I think she realized her attempt to belittle me and demonstrate to our colleagues that she had power just made her look like an ass with no impulse control.
Since then I've used this technique more times than I wish I'd had to. Without fail the person has been stumped with how to respond other than to stop what I described and say nothing. I can't say it's foolproof, but give it a try when the time is right.
Sounds like a good approach in your case. Yours was a bit different as it was real, and also didn't involve touching.
I recently saw this exact thing. We have a new guy start from a South American country. And he was forever touching one of our younger lads when he spoke to him.
In the end younger lad just told him "FFS can you stop touching my elbow!"
South American guy was slightly surprised, but it stopped.
Bottom line is unwanted touching should result in extreme response to get the message through to these weirdos. They almost certainly go on to become sexual assaulters!
In some cultures touch is a natural part of communication. I went to dinner with my friend whose family is Italian. The hugging was constant and touching.
So, I have this coworker who is always touching me, giving me hugs, putting her hands in my hair. It's definitely not in a sexual way as she has a model-looking boyfriend and I'm extremely ugly.
Anyway, the problem with this is I started having erections when she touches me, and I'm afraid of getting fired.
I'm not sure how I should talk to her so she stops touching me. Of course I won't talk about my erections, as this is a certain way to get fired. Should I just pay an actress to show up at my work to pretend to be my girlfriend so she backs off? I would need an ugly actress for it to be believeable.
And this relates to running how? Someone needs to moderate these threads and get them off here. This isn’t Jerry Springer or Dr Phil show. Take your questions to Ann Landers
Tell me you are new to the message boards without saying it.
Depends on the pics, some of her would be useful when helping to determine a solution to the problem.
Also, "pls help me" are you gay and that's the real reason you're worried about getting a hard on over a female touching you?
not gay although I am a virgin.
As I mentioned earlier in this thread it's not exactly easy to hide an erection, and I'm sure you'll agree. Plus I'm at work, I wouldn't be complaining if she was my girlfriend and I got an erection whem she touches me. Unless you are delusional like another poster who said he has erections in public all the time and no one says a thing.
Just hire some dude to waltz in there right when she is in the act of doing her fondling of you and make a huge scene. Human resources will get involved and there will be some sort of settlement that you and your friend can split. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!
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