Amen. Seeing how other cultures celebrate having families at weddings and we do not is quite revealing. Wish people would lighten up with respect to being exposed to children and stop trying so hard to be high class.
Given how precious you are being about this it makes me wonder if this is not the only thing you a drama Queen dick about and that they probably felt obligated to invite you but would be secretly relieved if you said you couldn’t make it.
Given how precious you are being about this it makes me wonder if this is not the only thing you a drama Queen dick about and that they probably felt obligated to invite you but would be secretly relieved if you said you couldn’t make it.
Taking stock of who we are and what our values are as human beings is not acting “precious.”
after reading these varied responses, my observations are
55%-45% of posters here skew towards the exclude-kids-at-all-costs camp and the other group is more reasonable.
camp #1 consists of people who think they will live forever.
camp #2 believes that they are indeed mortal and realize the importance of reproduction. And keeping the human race alive.
Conclusion: the rules of the wedding still reign supreme. Their wedding, their rules.
So far, there has been some interesting posts on cultural differences regarding wedding demographics and of course, the usual letsrun soup de jour of insulting people who are simply asking for advice.
If your son’s name wasn’t explicitly on the invitation, it means he wasn’t invited. It probably said Mr and Mrs Anti-Kid Sentiment, which means you are the two members of the family who are invited— not your 3 year old. Standard wedding invitation etiquette.
You are wrong. The invitation had our last name on it. That’s it. “To: The ______’s”
Really? The envelope said: "To: The (surname) with an apostrophe S" like you allege?
When wedding invitations and other mail are sent through the post, the envelopes are usually addressed to the recipients using their names in simple and straightforward fashion : John Smith, or Mary Smith or John and Mary Smith, or Mr and Mrs John Smith or Mr John Smith and Ms Mary Smith ... Or TheSmith family.
It would be peculiar to address an envelope To: The Smith's
The family problems in this case seem to go beyond the gripes and resentments you have about your sister and her wedding that cause you to slag her off as "the family princess." You and your kin seem to have issues with customary etiquette, grammar and punctuation too.
Wrong. It's the sister being a jerk to her own family members that is the problem. As an adult, unlike a child, you don't adhere to everyone's rules anymore. You pick and choose. You all seem to be hung up on the notion that a wedding is adult party zone. It's not. It's a family affair. Grow up and accept that kids are family and all family belongs at a wedding, especially one your family is paying for.
A cocktail party is one thing, a wedding another. Go with your kids and she can go f all if she doesn't like it.
Don't do this. You might think it's lame of them to not allow kids, but it is their decision to make. The decision in front of you is to either attend under the conditions you were invited under, or to not attend. Don't go if you don't want to, but if you go and take your kids, you become the entitled one in the story.
Let's say 30 guests with children, many from out of town, x (10 hours up to one to two days (out of towners) babysitting (wedding + reception as specified)@$25-50/hr=tens of thousands of dollars over and above the other costs the couple imposes on their guests. Who's the jerk now?
Amen. Seeing how other cultures celebrate having families at weddings and we do not is quite revealing. Wish people would lighten up with respect to being exposed to children and stop trying so hard to be high class.
American culture has totally lost a true understanding of what a wedding is. As reflected by most of the people posting in this thread, Americans think it's an extremely expensive, flashy and brief "ceremony" followed by a reception where everyone gets hammered, eats fancy food and jumps up and down to pop music for a few hours. I guess it's not terribly surprising, considering that American culture doesn't understand what marriage is either. So yes, it's very common to not invite children to a wedding because why would you want little kids there? Kids are work, they're loud and needy, they won't appreciate all the money spent, and they'll make it difficult for everyone else to do what they came there to do. And since marriage has nothing to do with kids, it just makes no sense to have them there, period. Just hire someone to watch them while you have fun.
A much more full, authentic, and frankly beautiful understanding of marriage and family leads to perhaps less flashy but much nicer weddings. There, the focus isn't on spending thousands to get hammered, but it's to celebrate the creation of a new family with the families and close friends of the bride and groom. Children aren't just tolerated, but welcome, because the wedding isn't just an "adult party" celebrating the half-hearted commitment of two people to stay together as long as things don't get too hard. Children are a huge part of what marriage is all about, so of course they should be there. As an aside, it's also good to have children at weddings for their own sake, so they can see for themselves the importance of family, culture, and tradition. And besides, kids are super fun to party with, even if they can be annoying.
The US has an anti-family, anti-child culture, so of course children aren't usually invited to "weddings". But that doesn't mean you're wrong to feel irritated when they aren't.
Why not just go by yourself to the ceremony, take a break in between to help with dinner, bath, and bedtime, then go for a few hours to the reception? If it's far from home or y'all aren't staying at a nearby hotel, then just go on a solo 24-36hr trip.
As someone who's brought his kid to a number of weddings while he was 2, 3, and 4, it's a major hassle due to the level of concentration I had to have to keep him behaved during everything. Don't even want to go into the potentially brutal self destruction that can happen during a reception, as it usually continues well past their bedtimes. During the ceremony, there always seem to be a few kids who have a tantrum/cry who need to be taken outside. I'm guessing the bride has been to a number of weddings, and that got under her skin. Her day, her (and maybe a little bit the fiance's) rules.
Just say you can't go because of the babysitting cost and take your kids to a park and get some ice cream instead. I mean who actually enjoys weddings anyway? If you are obviously wealthy enough to afford the babysitting this will be extra effective in terms of sending the signal that they and their wedding are not as important to you as your kids. Bottom line the 'anti-kid crowd' and people with kids do not mix and it's best to establish some distance. OTOH if you get the babysitting and attend the event they will probably keep inviting you to other stuff and telling you to ditch your kids with a babysitter etc and they will have established dominance over you and your family; if you are cool with that then go ahead and attend.
Don't do this. You might think it's lame of them to not allow kids, but it is their decision to make. The decision in front of you is to either attend under the conditions you were invited under, or to not attend. Don't go if you don't want to, but if you go and take your kids, you become the entitled one in the story.
Let's say 30 guests with children, many from out of town, x (10 hours up to one to two days (out of towners) babysitting (wedding + reception as specified)@$25-50/hr=tens of thousands of dollars over and above the other costs the couple imposes on their guests. Who's the jerk now?
Why automatically assume a need for a babysitter. Most people would surely have friends or extended family on the side of the partner whose family the wedding is not involved who would be willing to help you out with childminding for a day or 2 to go to a wedding.
Honestly, it's her wedding, her rules. If you don't agree with them, don't go. It's pretty simple. If people want kids at their wedding, that's fine. If they don't want kids at their wedding that's fine too. It's not that big a deal.
Amen. Seeing how other cultures celebrate having families at weddings and we do not is quite revealing. Wish people would lighten up with respect to being exposed to children and stop trying so hard to be high class.
American culture has totally lost a true understanding of what a wedding is. As reflected by most of the people posting in this thread, Americans think it's an extremely expensive, flashy and brief "ceremony" followed by a reception where everyone gets hammered, eats fancy food and jumps up and down to pop music for a few hours. I guess it's not terribly surprising, considering that American culture doesn't understand what marriage is either. So yes, it's very common to not invite children to a wedding because why would you want little kids there? Kids are work, they're loud and needy, they won't appreciate all the money spent, and they'll make it difficult for everyone else to do what they came there to do. And since marriage has nothing to do with kids, it just makes no sense to have them there, period. Just hire someone to watch them while you have fun.
A much more full, authentic, and frankly beautiful understanding of marriage and family leads to perhaps less flashy but much nicer weddings. There, the focus isn't on spending thousands to get hammered, but it's to celebrate the creation of a new family with the families and close friends of the bride and groom. Children aren't just tolerated, but welcome, because the wedding isn't just an "adult party" celebrating the half-hearted commitment of two people to stay together as long as things don't get too hard. Children are a huge part of what marriage is all about, so of course they should be there. As an aside, it's also good to have children at weddings for their own sake, so they can see for themselves the importance of family, culture, and tradition. And besides, kids are super fun to party with, even if they can be annoying.
The US has an anti-family, anti-child culture, so of course children aren't usually invited to "weddings". But that doesn't mean you're wrong to feel irritated when they aren't.
Your cousin, and all the crazy people on here saying no kids, are psychotic. A wedding is a family event. Telling your family that they can't bring their young kids to your wedding is insulting, and whether the bride realizes it or not she's practically disinviting those with young kids from the wedding.
You know what I didn't notice, AT ALL, at my wedding? Whether any of the kids had a meltdown, or misbehaved, or had a good time or a bad time. You don't have time to notice. The only time I've paid attention to kids at a wedding was when I brought my own - and they did fine, and their extended family was happy to see them.
I feel sorry for the joyless souls who can't tolerate being in the same giant room with a few kids for a few hours. "Just travel to our multiple events that will commandeer at least one weekend and much of your bank account, give us a several hundred dollar gift, but you're on your own to figure out what to do with your kids - I don't want to see them!" Sorry, if I'm going deal with the logistics and expense to get a weekend away with my wife and leave the kids at home, it's not going to be to attend your wedding.
1. In regards to the logistics of having kids at a wedding, it is often a cost issue. When I got married, our reception venue held about 120 people. Since we were paying for the wedding ourselves, that limit fot our budget. We had to cut our list more than we wanted, so we decided to not have kids except for my two nieces, who were 13 and 11 at the time. We discussed this with a lot of our friends who had kids and they were fully in support and welcomed a night out without the kids. A couple of people did not come because they couldn't bring their kids. Had we added kids (most of whom would not have wanted to be there), it would have cost us thousands of dollars extra that we didn't really have.
2. If the princess and her fiance are having multiple events on separate days to celebrate their wedding, you have every right to say no to any or all of them. I've never understood why people feel like they have to have multiple "required" events for their guests to attend. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and saying you will only come to certain events for whatever reason. If there is toxicity in your family and you feel like you have no choice, then you have bigger issues. If you do have toxicity, then the best thing you can do for your kids is show them that they don't have to deal with it. That's not easy, but totally worth it in the long run.
OP grow up! Yes it is normal, and it is smart. Why in the hell do you want to bring your kid to a wedding? Are you under the assumption that weddings are kid friendly and an enjoyable experience for said child? Also, are you paying for this wedding? Your entire rant is childish. And selfish. If you wanted to piss everyone off you would not go. But see your selfishness leads you to want to defy the request of the person getting married. Weddings are not a place for kids, at all. As a parent you should not want your kids there. As a kid, they do not want to be there.
You've been invited to an event. It is absolutely OK for them to NOT invite your children. Don't attend if you don't like it but you clearly feel entitled to have your kids there against the wishes of those throwing the party. Not OK.
Hopefully they'll find out you're trashing them on a forum and disinvite you completely. Ungrateful, entitled, overly attached to your kids, not sure what your deal is but I'm glad you aren't in my circle.
OP’s connection to the bride matters greatly here.
OP, is this your sister? Cousin? Something else?
This affects the correct decision.
Cousin
Agree that's an important detail - General rule of thumb is kids are allowed if they are nieces, nephews, or first cousins. Anything beyond that, not invited.