What percentage of men cheat on their wife or girlfriend?

I have “cheated” on my wife in more ways than one. Before I ever slept with another woman while married I was having deep feelings for a co-worker. I felt ready to leave my wife and begin a whole new chapter with this other woman. I thought about her nonstop until finally she moved with her boyfriend to another state. When we said goodbye we shared a hug and the energy was so warm and loving as we shared the thought together on what could have been.

Since, I’ve slept with 3 prostitutes who treated me as nothing more than a transaction and I saw them as the same.

The former cheating IMO is way worse.

-Just a dude

Flagpole wrote:

A LOT of men cheat. ALL do not. I have been married 32 years, and I have not cheated.

I am likely in the minority there, but I am hardly alone. And before anyone says no one would want to cheat with me, ha! I've been seriously propositioned several times since being married, and I always wear my wedding ring, so they all knew...a couple of them knew me well, so they knew for sure I was married.

Now, I have no idea how you go about finding one like me. Most men will make you believe they will not cheat. How you determine who is full of it or not, I do not know. I suggest too that being faithful might be the goal, but when put in the right circumstance many men will cave.

This just means you've never had the opportunity where you were sure you'd get away with it or you're a coward.

Kobbs Hessler wrote:

In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "a man is only as faithful as his options."

This sums it up.

Lots of guys lying to themselves in this thread.

I think a bigger question investigates how to navigate these with a loving relationship.

Family, for example, can remain intact better with certain kinds of extramarital affairs than others. Neighbors or close peers in one's network surely strain a marriage (and children) more than less connected, less meaningful engagements

I would guess those who cheat would guess a higher percentage do cheat, and those who do not would think that the number is lower. Maybe ask the guy what percentage he thinks cheat so you can weed out the really bad guys by their answer.

To quote Crowded House, "honesty is more important than monogamy".

My fiancee and I are both cool with each other having a bit of fun on the side. Works nicely. Haven't managed a group yet but we're working on it.

I'm a newlywed man, faithful to my wife, and dedicated to staying so.

So yeah, such people do exist. But I'm not bombarded with temptation, since I've always gotten "friend-zoned" by women anyway. I have friends who women fall all over -- staying faithful with constant temptation like that would be tough. So yeah, let's not be too judgy.

Estimate of % of married me who are *currently* faithful to their wives? Maybe 90%.

Chances your husband stays faithful for entire first 25 years of marriage? Maybe 40%.

This is Letsrun. Majority of dudes here are 120 to 150lbs tops with no girlfriends. You might want to use other forums to ask such questions

OP, didn’t read through the entire thread (7 pages) but out of my male friends, the vast majority have cheated. Same with my female friends.

However, not all. Just most.

I was listening to sex therapists lay it all out in an interview and they said the same: this is the reality of human coupling. This is the first time in history where humans are expected to be married and monogamous for 70 years and have all your physical, sexual, mental, emotional, and financial needs met by one person. This is not what marriage was like even a few generations ago.

Not all people who cheat are bad. Not all people who are faithful are good. One of their suggestions was that if u want ur partner to be monogamous and they slip up once or twice, that partner has still been monogamous for 99% of your time together.

I’d look into her interviews/TED talks/books. Her name is Esther Perel.

This says a lot more about you than him.

You think lying and cheating is OK, and that not doing so is cowardice. If that’s how you live your life: you are the coward. Trying putting on your big boy boots one day and stop living your life like a selfish narcissist.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

You’ve gotten some decent answers and also a lot of responses from people who have zero clue what they are talking about.

You know how they say 20% of men get 80% of the women, I’m in that 20%. I’m petty picky so I’m generally going for 8s and up with nice jobs and situations. All of my friends cheat.

There is no archetype of a cheater. I know extreme introverts who cheat and and extreme extroverts. Even an undesirable man might pay for sex.

I’ve never cheated. Why? Because I don’t believe in it. I’m just an overt honest & good person when comes to trusting relationships.

Unfortunately, the only reason a guy won’t cheat is because HE doesn’t want to. Some men stated something about attractiveness — that doesn’t matter on either side. Men cheat down - so the attractiveness of the wife doesn’t matter. And ugly men pay for sex.

You have to train yourself to find more people like your neuro atypical friend. The men that view cheating the way he does. That’s really what it comes down to. A person who looks at cheating as anathema.

1/2 + 7 wrote:

Talking with a 67M and 28M today. I am 30+F. Topic of dating and relationships became the focus. The older man eventually said, "ALL MEN CHEAT." Younger guy tempered it and said pretty much all guys cheat now (referring to his generation). I'm aware it is prevalent but would like to think it's possible (to have a loyal, good partner) rather than accepting it as a given. I know Flagpole and some others have emphasized their faithfulness. How do you screen for long term fidelity versus eventual infidelity in men? I'm looking for more nuanced responses than "he tells you he cheated previously." I've always heard that people can have affairs with no one ever knowing....fine, but there must be other ways the character trait (selfishness, entitlement, immaturity, deception...what else goes into it?) manifests. Thank you.

To be sure about this maybe find a deeply religious guy? Not sure if you’re religious so this may or may not be a problem for you. Still no guarantee cheating absolutely won’t happen. The thing is, at least in my experience, cheating is only cheating if it breaks someone’s trust. I was a very idealistic young person and passed on multiple opportunities in college/young adulthood for “moral” reasons. Same with my partner. I don’t regret that everyday but we both kind of think now that we should’ve been like “hey, why not?” and experienced life to the fullest. Suffice it to say that now as a 38 y/o M in a long term relationship with an awesome 36 y/o F, we see life more as the amazing set of unique experiences and opportunities it presents and less as an exact path laid out by a higher power that you mustn’t stray from. In this context, “cheating” doesn’t have to be the dealbreaker it is in TV and movies. We love each other a lot and we’re not swingers or actively pursuing other people but we’re also honest and realistic about sex, who and what turns us on and what opportunities we have interest in. You may be a long way from this mentality and perhaps you’ll never share it. I never really expected to either but it’s all perspective in the end. Best of luck with what you’re looking for, it certainly does exist!

You have "zero clue" what you're talking about.

Anyone who doesn't understand that boyfriends and newlyweds aren't the same as someone who's been married for 10+ years is a fool.

Virtually no one "believes in cheating". They get worn down by YEARS of rejection and unhappiness and resort to it.

squinka wrote:

sepreh wrote:

This just means you've never had the opportunity where you were sure you'd get away with it or you're a coward.

This says a lot more about you than him.

You think lying and cheating is OK, and that not doing so is cowardice. If that’s how you live your life: you are the coward. Trying putting on your big boy boots one day and stop living your life like a selfish narcissist.

It's not that it is "OK" it's that it is better than the alternative of divorce or a lifetime of unhappiness.

It isn't a zero sum game.

A lot of people on here will talk about how hard it is to not cheat if you're a "high quality man," which is basically them just giving themselves a pass to cheat. Others like Flagpole will say they've been propositioned in spite of wearing a wedding ring...give me a break...

People who have a lot of "opportunities to cheat" are just putting themselves in situations where cheating is likely to happen. Since I've been married, I've been through phases where I had "opportunities" and through times where I haven't really had to struggle. The only difference has been my choices and the situations I get myself into. Flagpole, if you really are getting all these opportunities, you're likely putting yourself in bad situations because you like the attention.

For men really not wanting to cheat, simply:

a) Don't flirt. This is not hard and you can still be a human being around girls. I can still joke around with my friends in a way that nobody accidentally winds up in bed with someone else at the end of the night.

b) This one is easy. If a girl likes you and you spend a lot of time with her, it's your fault when you wind up in a situation that makes you choose between your marriage and your instincts.

c) Don't go out to drink with a woman who might like you and definitely don't get in a situation outside of work where you're totally alone. Again, if something happens after that, it's your fault.

d) Don't just wear a ring (people know that it's meaningless and men cheat), you have to show people how much you're committed to your woman. Bring her to holiday events. Talking about her.

Yeah, it sucks not having as much attention, but it's also comforting to know I'm choosing to be with the person I love and am less likely to slip up. It's not hard if you actually want this. On the other hand, most people like getting into dicey situations because either they'll get laid or they'll feel all heroic when they turn the girl down at the last moment despite stringing her along and acting in ways their wives probably wouldn't like.

False. I’ve been married before for more than 10+ years. We got divorced because we had a kid die and it changed things.

Again, you have zero clue. Thanks for playing.

Oh and secondly, I know plenty people who believe in cheating. Literally no desire to ever be monogamous but they still get in monogamous relationships. Of the people I know who cheat (90% of my friends), only a few of them are anti cheating but end up getting worn down as you say it. The majority of them intend to cheat, they are just careful to not get caught.

One of my younger friends just got married 2 years ago. Has cheated before and after the marriage and looks for opportunities to cheat. I was with him this summer when he had sex with a stripper and then drove home.

Another one of my friends is actually now worth 50 million (married with 2 kids) so he only cheats when he goes on trips for business do he can be more anonymous. He cheats less because he has a lot to lose. But he cheated on all his girlfriends more when he was only making $200k. But he’s still very clear when we talk - “I’m always going to go my thing.”

People who cheat, cheat.

plenty of options wrote:

I think it might be too late wrote:

You have "zero clue" what you're talking about.

Anyone who doesn't understand that boyfriends and newlyweds aren't the same as someone who's been married for 10+ years is a fool.

Virtually no one "believes in cheating". They get worn down by YEARS of rejection and unhappiness and resort to it.

False. I’ve been married before for more than 10+ years. We got divorced because we had a kid die and it changed things.

Again, you have zero clue. Thanks for playing.

You could have been married for 100 years nothing you've said gives the slightest indication that opinions change over time and circumstance...

You seem to hang out with a lot of losers... NORMAL people do not cheat and if they do they certainly don't tell the world and brag about like the kids you're running with do.