Post-nuptial shutoff?

is there a 12-step plan to avoid post-nuptial shutoff?

i'm endeavoring to get an 'Intervals Anonymous' thing going here and this thread had a shelf-life that I'd like man to have half of

Intervals Anonymous wrote:

is there a 12-step plan to avoid post-nuptial shutoff?

Yes:

1 Don't get married.

2 Don't get married.

3 Don't get married.

4 Don't get married.

5 Don't get married.

6 Don't get married.

7 Don't get married.

8 Don't get married.

9 Don't get married.

10 Don't get married.

11 Don't get married.

12 Don't get married.

This thread is ridiculous.

Why would we shut you off? if we shut you off, then we shut ourselves off.

not necessarily.

16x wrote:

This thread is ridiculous.

Why would we shut you off? if we shut you off, then we shut ourselves off.

bump

I love this thread, because I'm 42 and have been married to the same woman for 18 years, and we are still very regular--4 times this week including today. It's a vital and fun part of our relationship. Too bad for others who aren't that way.

It's finding a cute woman, who you get along with and who will be faithful and not stray that's the tough part.

I've been married to my husband for almost 25 years, 4 kids. I love the man dearly, and we have both stayed in shape so there's no problem with physical attraction. I just don't want it that much anymore! I've had blood test, exams, etc and I'm perfectly normal. But even though I don't want it he does, so I do it for him. Once we're in the middle of it I enjoy it well enough, but it never occurs to me to initiate it. I actually put a code phrase in my Outlook calendar to remind me to show some interest and get him going. I make sure it's done twice a week, minimum. I wish I knew why I no longer have an interest in sex but I'm not going to lose this guy over something like that, so I force myself to show an interest. I hate that I feel this way but he doesn't know that I do therefore I'm going to keep this going; I don't want to lose him because I do love him. He is good to me, kind, works hard, is affectionate and I am the same way toward him. The difference between us is that sex is still important to him but not to me.

Marygold,

You sound like a good wife, thinking of where he's coming from in all that. I'm 26 and just got married, but I read this thread last year and it scared me. I hope my wife will be as thoughtful as you are if she loses the desire; for now she's loving it!

One woman I know said that it wasn't surprising that I didn't have a significant other becuase I am (according to her and one other woman):

"too linear"

and

"too AR"

Would SOMEONE please explain what She was talking about?

Marygold wrote:

I force myself to show an interest. I hate that I feel this way but he doesn't know that I do

Believe me, he knows. I say this as someone who has been married for 43 years.

We have been married for 5 years and we have fantasized about swinging as a couple. We are a 37 year old couple who is happy for the most part. We are a little hesitant about trying this. And yes we understand the risks of disease and understand that part of it. We are more concerned how our relation will change. I have talked to one couple who have told us it has only enhanced it. Our life has gotten exremely vanilla and a little boring except when we discuss this possibility. Does anyone have any experience with swinging? This is a legit question I am not a troll.

Notice how long this thread is? If it weren't an issue this would have died 24 pages ago.

My wife and have been married 25 years and still go 1-2 times a month. If we focus on it then once a week. We make a date night and then we do it. Yep, it ain't like it was in our first years of marriage and after listening to some of my friends, it sounds like this is more the norm than unusual. In some countries the wife sets up the husband with a mistress (like Japan).

The truth is that we have to care for each other for reasons other then sex because it does go away.

Men don't need Viagra. We need new partners. Not to marry but for sex. I love my wife and I am glad to have her in my life and when we do have sex it is usually very good. Our society and moral rules (gag) confine us from having other women just as t confines our wives from having other men and still keeping marriages together. So our answer is to divorce, seek new partners and and begin the cycle again.

My wife and I are active in the swinging lifestyle. It takes a great amount of trust and it will not fix a bad marriage. We do it since it enhances our sex life and nothing else. It is all about sex. Outsideof the bedroom my wife is my best friend.

We only engage in this every once in a while. We found a great couple we meet every few months. I may or may not be right for you but I will tell you our sex life has never been better for it.

I'm late here, but Bob, I think you're missing the point, man. It's when the freakie-deakie dies out, that's the issue.

Kids were not specifically part of the OP.

AR = anal retentive

linear = predictable, lacks imagination, and doesn't deviate from a pattern

I don't get the AR part (?), the linear part is funny: the woman that called me this wound up marrying and divorcing a friend of mine. She's as tightly wound as they come.

I was once vaguely interested in her. Looks like he escaped a hellish life. I'll have to congratulate him on that.

A female comic once said women REALLY want 2 things:

1. cash

2. a line of credit

End of discussion.

You don't need to be wed to go through tough times.