Falling in love with my training partner? Advice?

I say go ahead and" hit it" one time and be done.

Go back to your finacee and move on with your life

if it becomes more after you hit it, then you have a problem

Why these dudes come here for advice is mind boggling to me. Don't you have a real person in life to talk to?

Which of them takes it in the tailpipe?

HOOWIE wrote:

Why these dudes come here for advice is mind boggling to me. Don't you have a real person in life to talk to?

most people don't have someone they would trust their marriage or engagement with, no.

if this guy tells a friend about his problem, and the guy blabs to someone, he loses at least one of these women and probably both.

If I had a problem with my marriage no possible way I'd tell someone. I would not put my marriage in anyone else's hands.

OP good luck figuring this out. A message board, in particular This One is probably not the best place to ask. But since you did here are my 2c.

First do some soul searching. And are you living with you finance'? That's a higher level of commitment and somewhat of a bigger deal if you take action with the other runner/break it off with your SO. Second, maybe seek counseling, like professional counseling and maybe they can help you to work through this. Third, (and this is going out on a limb) maybe talk to your running partner frankly. If she feels the same way, well then you really have to decide. Nevertheless, talk it out first before making any rash decisions.

86753099999 wrote:

OP good luck figuring this out. A message board, in particular This One is probably not the best place to ask. But since you did here are my 2c.

First do some soul searching. And are you living with you finance'? That's a higher level of commitment and somewhat of a bigger deal if you take action with the other runner/break it off with your SO. Second, maybe seek counseling, like professional counseling and maybe they can help you to work through this. Third, (and this is going out on a limb) maybe talk to your running partner frankly. If she feels the same way, well then you really have to decide. Nevertheless, talk it out first before making any rash decisions.

as someone with a lot of success in marriage and before that good relationships...'talking it out' is often a recipe for failure. people aren't good at that - it doesn't work. for most people anyway.

Married men are never tempted; people never want what they can't have. Men can train with women.

1) Sounds like you should break off your engagement. If you took a poll of both married and unmarried women between 25 and 35 years old, I think they'd tell you that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. A lot of women (and men) can forgive a single moment of alcohol induced weakness but a friendship that becomes more (even without physical cheating) is not forgivable. Don't feel bad, you are human and you shouldn't compromise when it comes to who you spend your life with and who will make you happiest. [My advice might be different if you had kids with your fiancee]

2) I hope your training partner has shown you clear signs that your feelings are reciprocated. If you come clean with your feelings and she doesn't feel the same, you will have lost your training partner. Things cannot go back to the way they were.

3) I think you need to do ask yourself a bunch of questions to ensure that your training partner checks as many boxes as your fiancee (running notwithstanding) to see if it really is worth detonating a bomb in your personal life. Answer your speed goggles question and you will likely have your answer.

good luck.

OR

the OP tells himself 'ok I understand that I am a human being and that I will have crushes on people for the rest of my life.

I'm fine with that. I would be a worse human being if I tried to deny that I will fall in love with people I'm not married to. We all do it. The key is that I will not act on it physically.

I mean really. Many of you people are trying to pretend that people don't fall in love with non-spouses. THEY DO. Every freaking day. Trying to deny this is useless. Better to be ok with that, but just decide that we are human beings with the ability to keep our pants on.

If you can't manage your infatuation, at this point I would recommend reducing or cutting off contact. As harsh as that sounds, this may come back and ruin your engagement/marriage.

Also, the running world is a small one. Does your fiancee read the boards?

If you don't want to lose a friend, I would have a conversation saying "hey training partner, I think you're great, but I have developed feelings for you, I know we are both in committed relationships, but I feel I need some space to clear my head."

Or something like that.

Crushes can suck. At least in my experience, there are usually reasons that I wouldn't want to be with my crush anyway, even casually, that help me break out of that infatuation.

My advice is this: Grow up.

This is awesome! You're going to lose your fiance, your training partner will nope-out when you become available, and you'll ruin yourself in this town's running scene forever. Good job!

Let us know about the hottie you spotted by the mailboxes at your new apartment complex.

I don't wear pants.

I think I agree with most of the first point here but then it kind of gets off track into an either-or false dichotomy. It seems like most posters here are trying to figure out which to date on behalf of OP, when I think it's probably best to focus on what you mainly talked about in your first point: the emotional cheating. good phrase btw, makes sense.

Limit the texting. You have complete control of both time to respond and how you respond to her and you're still making the conscious decision, each time, to continue the conversation knowing it's conducive to your feelings for her. This isn't a back-and-forth conversation in person. Use your complete autonomy to either just not reply or ensure the conversation is a short one, and only about training. Again, you're letting this situation get worse. If you have control over anything in this, it's the texting.

Hobby Jogger not a slogger wrote:

So LR braintrust, give me some advice.

Discus.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

I don't think it's worth the risk. Your training partner exists in the vacuums of running and friendship. It's good that you get along, but you mostly getting the good parts (sans sex) already. If you take the plunge and break up w/ your fiancee and get her to leave her partner it's still a total crapshoot as to whether or not it works for you, and that's assuming it works out this way and the cards fall in a way where you get together. By taking the next step you're obviously looking to throw away the life you've built up w/ your fiancee, but you'll probably also throw away the easy relationship with your training partner because you'll have to begin dealing with all off her negative aspects.

I personally wouldn't train with her. If you can't bring yourself to stop that you need to at least cut the texting down to a minimum. Out of sight out of mind.

Yeah but this thread is chalk full of blanket statements and bad advice. OP would be better off taking a long hike in the woods.

Hey OP here's a piece of advice. Stop training with the girl and stop texting her. You already made a commitment to marry your fiance? Can't you commit? Why are you so scared?